Happy 2009!

I hope that your New Years Eve is way more exciting than mine. I am working and DH is sick but still able to play video games.

May you all have a wonderful 2009!

2008

1. Read 5 non fiction books not related to infertility (Eat, Pray, Love Lost Boy Why I'm Still Married)

2. Read 3 classic books ( Harriet the Spy)

3. See 1 play (Doubt this will be done due to money issues now)

4. Eat Indian Food

5. N/A I guess I didn't log in soon enough and that blog is gone, along with my list. I lost the original copy when my laptop crashed before the fatal injury of late.

6. Read Intuitive Eating

7. See 12 movies in the theatre - 4 down

8. Go to the Planetarium

9. Go to the Burpee Museum

10. See Blue Man Group (Doubt this will be done due to money issues)

11. Redo backyard landscaping (Not going to get done this year)

12. Volunteer at 2 events (Didn't get to two, but did start a reoccurring volunteer assignment that started in December)

13. Finish the kitchen-- The outlets are done, now just need to fix the wall, paint again, and install the microvent.

14. Install doors on the laundry (Not Going to get done this year)

15. Make the 3rd bedroom liveable space of some sort (Ha Ha Ha)

16. Read 3 Biographies not related to Infertility (Lost Boy , Stealing Buddhas Dinner,

17. Go to at least one agency introduction meeting Done, Journeys of the Heart, Nov 16th

18. Attend 6 consecutive Sundays at the Church in town we have wanted to try

19. Refinish deck or decide to build new one and actually do it --(Not going to get done this year)

20. Go to Oklahoma for Memorial Day

Things not on the list that I consider an improvement. Went to Cubs convention on the fly with no plans when tickets were available on opening day. Went to a Cubs game and met my new hero Holly when tickets fell into our hands for free. Didn't freak out too badly when the garage door that was just replaced in the last 3 years broke due to DH leaving something in the way. Tried many new recipes throughout the year and went to a Vietnamese restaurant for the first time. Not a stellar year but I guess not a wasted one either.

Motivation to keep holiday eating in check

My weight is the same but my clothes don't fit. I don't get it but guess I will be paying attention to my cookie intake.

Hellooo...

It's been crazy. No real time to post but some bullets:

* I have 4 appointments tomorrow and 8 reports due before Christmas Eve

* Family drama at the annual Christmas event and it is wrecking havoc on my brain.

* I don't know why I let the family drama effect me so much except that I am part of the problem in a way since it is related to Step Family issues and well, I'm the step that tagged along.

* It is freaking cold and I really, really, wish we had moved South even if they have to deal with ice.

* Chili over potatoes is DH's new favorite dinner. That's whats for dinner tonight.

* We can't seem to make ourselves watch the last two episodes of My Own Worst Enemy since we know it has been cancelled. I think the last episode was last week.

* 2 Years ago this amount of work would have taken me half the time. This market sucks.

* I just realized my SIL gave us meatballs to take home from the party. Goodee! Dinner tomorrow is Spaghetti and Meatballs honey.

* I believe we are done with shopping as long as DH stops and gets a gift card tonight. I need to stop and get a box or two of wax for my dad to give to my mom. for her hands... I know, I never had a wax bath either.

* I better go work or I will never sleep tonight.

Adoption Info

I realized today that I had stepped away from talking about the seminar and never went back to it for various reasons. We came out of the seminar learning what we needed to know, we are not able to adopt right now through an agency such as the one that we went to. They have one really unique international program that intrigues me but even that program is out of our budget. We don't qualify for one of their programs based on my weight and our joint medical histories. One of the programs I was interested in, turns out that we only qualify for special needs kids due to their requirements that nonspecial needs children are placed with only families of the same "nationality" as the country. I have to lose about 10lbs to qualify for their China program but they aren't really encouraging about that program due to the long wait times that hasn't cleared up since the Olympics like originally thought. I'm guessing it might have to do with Hague also.

Their domestic infant program wasn't any less expensive than the international programs and for some reason that really surprised me. Though if we end up going with an agency not in our state for some reason, I would definitely consider this agency for our homestudy. I liked the social worker and the agency's "not going to sugarcoat information" policy. Their domestic infant program would be an interesting choice simply based on where their birth mothers primarily reside, but we have pretty much decided that unless a newborn comes to us by way of someone we know, some other way of "falling in to our lap" so to speak, or out of a miracle pregnancy, we would rather skip that stage. Sounds selfish I know but if we have to pay for the privilege to be parents...shouldn't we get a choice in the matter? There are others out there that only want a newborn and won't settle for anything less. So isn't it the same? I doubt we will be pursuing any domestic infant programs.

We were going to go to another agency meeting at the beginning of December but with work and my apprehension about hearing fees that we just can't pay right now, I didn't preregister. It is for an agency that I know has been around for a long time. We might go in January but most likely February. This agency also deals with foster adopt but they don't seem to have a seminar on it. I need to do some more research after the beginning of the year on the process for our county.

I wish there was a way to pull 30K out of a hat but there just isn't for us right now.

I made it 10 days

I made it a whole 10 days before I crashed and burned. I should be working but I haven't been able to put a coherent thought to the keyboard in hours. So instead I have been shopping online and took time to eat dinner with DH in front of the tv. Yes, our bad habit is back simply as a time saving measure.

I will go to bed in a few minutes, just waiting for the next kitchen and dining deal to pop up on Amazon to see if it is worth getting and then I will place the order of the day and go snuggle with the cat. The alarm will go off again at 3am tomorrow and luckily I only have 1 appointment. I didn't even want that one but Friday wouldn't work so I had no choice. I must write up a bunch of stuff otherwise I will just keep falling behind. More orders came in today so the end doesn't appear that close in sight. I doubt I will be able to crank out enough reports to make up for the money not made in November but I can try. Darn rate drop... did it have to come during the Holidays?

Diet--eh not so hot. Hormones? They seem to be raging and I didn't take Provera this month because I didn't want to deal with a wicked AF while baking cookies with my mother. As it is I still may end up with AF here then but I can only hope that she starts tomorrow so the worst is over.

Okay... the new deal isn't that great. One of the Keurig (sp) single K-Cup coffee makers for $60.00. No thanks, we'll stick with our 12 cupper. Though I did pick up

Band of Brothers for $25.99. Now just to figure out who is going to get that.

Happy Hump Day

BlaGO

Please GO. Quietly and not fight this. We don't need to spend the money to impeach you. I'm still astounded you got reelected. So while we know you are now at the Federal Building, when you get home figure out your plan but BlaGO GO. Your real persona has been evident since the initial investigations came to light.

Updated: Originally posted from my blueberry so I edited the qwerty mistakes I made. It will be an interesting few days/weeks in Illinois, especially since the legislature is not in session currently.

Super easy and tasty chicken

I found a recipe online awhile back and now I can't find the link to it so here is my version:

* 3-4 qt crockpot
* some chicken pieces, I had 3 frozen chicken breasts
* 1 small jar of apricot preserves
* 1 12oz or small jar of salsa of your choice, I used peach pineapple because I thought it might go well with the apricot instead of the other flavors I had available in the house.
* 1 pk of taco seasoning
* 1 can of beans
* Cooked rice


Take the chicken and dump in the crockpot. Mix the salsa, preserves, and taco seasoning together and pour over the chicken. Cook for 2-3 hours. Add the can of beans and cook until needed. I had added a 1/4 package of frozen bell pepper strips at the same time as the beans and then cooked for about another 2 hours or so. Total cooking time ended up being 5.5 hours on low. This is the first time that chicken breasts actually came out looking the way that they should have and without that wierd brown crust that we have seen recently when I have made whole chicken breasts in the crockpot. My 4 qt crockpot is not a major name brand and it cooks too fast. I started it about 1pm and then added the beans and peppers at around 430pm. We ate about 630 so I think I added right. You could probably add the beans in the beginning I just didn't think about it and thought I had black beans on hand but I had to use light red kidney beans instead. They were hard but it was probably the brand that I have, canned beans really aren't supposed to be hard so it was annoying.

I was told to make this again. It didn't come out too sweet as I was worried about and it was just spicey enough for me and was a good level for DH to not have to add any hotsauce. Next time I will add an onion but I was being nice and not adding onion since DH thinks I cook with too many onions. I think the sauce would be good with pork too.

Just moving along

Trying to keep my head above water this month. Work has exploded and in no way shape or form can I complain about it except to berate myself on not using the many days of free time last month to clean the house and get ready for the holidays. It will be fine. I know that. I would love to have such a crazy month that I actually make up for all the money I didn't make last month. But that would be scarey because DH is currently driving me nuts. I am not sure if I am PMS'ing or if his pills are making him looney. But whichever it is, he sure is stinking annoying as all get out. I told him this so I am not worried about putting it out there but does Prozac make people wierd sometimes?

Have a wonderful week!

BBBT-Harriet the Spy Edition!

I don't think I ever read Harriet the Spy as a kid. I enjoyed the book and even read one of the followup books to it. My library doesn't have all of them so I will have to read Sport later but I did read The Long Secret after I finished the first book. I can see why it has been considered a classic and why it was considered groundbreaking for the genre.

If you haven't read it... I recommend picking it up. If you have but it has been awhile... what are you waiting for?

Questions:

Would Harriet have been a blog writer or just a blog reader? Do you think she would have ever commented on other people's blogs? If she did write her own blog, do you think she would have written about her own life or do you think she would have replicated her spy notebooks and only written about other people?

I think Harriet would have a gossip blog. She would most likely comment on others blogs but she would be that person that asks the difficult questions when everyone else is thinking the same thing. I doubt she would actually talk much about herself except to detail her adventures and share her thoughts of what was going on with others.

Obviously, this book brings up many questions on privacy and journaling. At one point, Harriet journals all day at school instead of doing her work. Has anyone worked on their journal/blog at work? And been caught? When do you blog/journal? Do you do it when you should be doing something else?

I work from home and don't have to worry about others monitoring my Internet access except for my husband. He only cares if I am wasting too much time instead of working when he wants to go and do something else. I tend to blog when I think of things and won't deny that sometimes I blog simply to avoid working.

In the beginning of the book, Harriet is explaining the game Town to Sport. She goes thru a list of typical town places from the 1960's. What places/professions do you think a savvy Harriet in 2008 would have in her town?

This was one of my questions... so I will take a shot. I think that there were definitely be some type of beverage drive thru place such as Lavaaza, Starbucks, or Jamba Juice. There would also be a Warehouse club store. I think she would have the computer repair person and maybe a computer repair shop because there are still some small ones around and opening up these days. Hmmm... she might even have a yoga studio.


When Ole Golly leaves after her engagement, Harriet notes that things feel the same but she seems to have a little hole in her heart. When was the first time you remember feeling a similar loss and does it still remain with you today?

For me this there have been several but the first time was when we moved across the country away from my grandparents. They moved to Florida shortly after so even if we hadn't moved it wouldn't have made a difference. I missed them greatly because we used to go over there on weekends and do little things like make applesauce and collect golf balls (they lived on the edge of a golf course). It has remained with me as we have not been close since then. I have only seen my Grandma three times since we moved and I saw my Grandfather twice before he died. I feel like I missed out on a lot because they were only penpals for so long.


How much of Harriet's behavior in the latter half of the book do you think was a direct result of Ole Golly's leaving? Would she have gotten so out of control if Ole Golly was there for her to talk to about the lost notebook?

I think that she was deeply effected by Ole Golly leaving and that much of her behavior was influenced. I think that Ole Golly would have talked with her on how to handle the lost notebook but I don't know that all of her reactions would have been different.

How do you think Harriet would have upgraded for the new tech? Would she be blackberrying instead of the notebook?

I am betting that she would have nightvision goggles, a laptop or pocket pc, and a digital camera to take photos of her adventures or a combined gadget to let her record her thoughts in text and photos.

ETA--I am sure that she would want to use nanny cameras and other similar items if she could figure out how to plant them.

Why do you think the author painted the home lives of Harriet and Sport the way that she did?

I think that the author was trying to express that not everyone has the perfect nuclear family or a family with multiple children. I think that most likely she wanted to paint a clearer picture of other possibilities for the kids reading her book. I liked the idea that Sport was the one that had to stay home and take care of the house and not one of the girls. The idea of it probably shocked many people when the book first came out.

Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at Stirrup Queens (http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/). You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination by Elizabeth McCracken

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hope that everyone who celebrates has a wonderful Thanksgiving and a fruitful Black Friday if you are braving or taming the crowds.

Never thought I would see this again...

Scarey thing is that it is lower than the panic price on 9/11.

Top Chef Ramblings

* Yikes, I knew that ostrich eggs are big but that was one big yolk. However, I don't think I will be eating one anytime soon if it tastes like glue.

* Editors note: Thank you for the not so obvious editing of this weeks episode. Last week I knew who was leaving before seeing the kitchen just by how cocky that person was acting.

* Jeffery looks a lot like the actor that plays Chase on House. So much so, I have done a few double takes. Plus... I could of sworn he had an accent this week. Hmmm...

* Ariane should have gone home last night

* Radhika is a local chef, umm, I guess I missed that but I have to say that I like her. Not sure why.

Giving myself some time to digest

The past few weeks have been filled with many things... good and bad. I needed to take some time to digest them and I still am working my way through right now.

I was/am depressed. Not really sure that I still am but I think that the Provera really kicked up the sad/down feelings both while taking it and then while waiting for/during AF. Beyond that, there are other reasons to feel this way. I do feel isolated and I do feel inadequate. My profession has slowed down tremendously and right now the only people that are getting a lot of work are those that are desperate/stupid enough to work for peanuts. We are a licensed profession. We shouldn't have to reduce our fees by 50-75% to compete for work. I can't do that... and I won't do that so needless to say work as been slow.

You would think that this might be a good thing after a few crazy years of feeling like I was working all the time with few breaks and maybe it still will turn out that way. But, instead of getting loads of things accomplished, I have pretty much been mellowing out on the couch or in front of the computer. This gives me an awful lot of time to think and dwell on what might have been vs. what is. Too much time really. Thankfully this week has been a bit busier and I have turned my computer time into looking for alternate ways to earn some money. I found a really interesting part time job opportunity but I haven't finished my resume yet since we don't seem to have any word processing programs on any of the computers we own. I tried to use the library computer and well... they didn't have any templates and the version of word was completely foreign to me. Not a good thing- sounds like I should update some of my skills too during this down time. But I need to get cracking on that, I found a free resume writer on line so maybe that will work.

I'm still digesting the adoption seminar but I will say that it went fine. No need to be a nervous wreck. It reminded me of part of the reason that I chose my field of study in college and well... again, I need to digest.

It's funny... today really put into perspective that adage that a watched pot never boils. I was just hanging out for most of the day but the moment I left my phone inside and went outside to do some yard work all heck broke loose. So, I am off to finish getting ready for my appointments tomorrow, work on my resume, and finish the never ending loads of laundry that seem to live in our house.

Hope it was/is a wonderful Hump day!

Today

I am nauseated I am so nervous but DH seems fine. We leave at 115ish so I am hoping that by then I will have calmed down. This is why I don't get excited about doing new things. I panic too much.

DH is so excited about the new game he got from Gamefly for the Wii. Guess we will be adding Legend of Zelda to his Christmas list.

Okay... I'm off to make some tea.

Go ahead...

I'm down, so go ahead and kick me life. Nothing major but enough to get my blood boiling and my stomach rolling. More money that needs to be spent when not a lot is coming in. I am really starting to think that maybe I am not in the place that I should be right now. I don't know how to fix it. I have discovered that I have managed to completely isolate myself over the past 5 years. I don't even know who I can put down for references on anything... a job application, a pet adoption form, or a child adoption form. i talk to people but I am not really close to anyone these days....

How did this happen and how do I fix it?

Yep...

All the recent previews prove that their foreshadowing was correct and that Dr. Green treated the new chiefs child years ago. Anthony Edwards is on RR today so I have to make the decision if I am going to watch that show before or after the episode. Just to be honest, my hormones were so wacky last night that I was bawling each time I saw the preview for tonights show. DH was cracking up because it would last longer if he paused the commerical. He can be sooo mean sometimes ;)

I have vowed to stop whining but I have to tell you... the back cramps I had this summer when my hip muscle was messed up were more easily dealt with than this. The pressure just kills. I just deleted a very nasty self deprecating comment on my tolerance and birth. I really do need to be nicer to myself.

Have a happy day.

Ugh...

Provera worked. Yay me. If I hadn't of taken it, it probably would have been over by now but oh well. AF is here and hurting more than usual over the past few months. Lovely.

Even though it stinks like the Hillside Landfill that my niece started having full on seizures today, I am slightly thankful that I can stay home and curl up on my own couch tonight instead of babysitting.

Blech...

Ok.......

Please tell me to breathe....

I just preregistered us for an adoption agency seminar for Sunday. As in this Sunday.

Okay, I need to quit panicking already. It is 5 days away.

MMMmmmm....

I just made some tasty mashed potatoes. I used russet potatoes with the skins on but I really prefer either the golden or red ones for mashed. I added a stalk of fennel and 3 small branches of fennel fronds, chopped and a 1/4 block of 10oz frozen spinach. I salted the water that I cooked all that in but didn't add salt when I was finished.

I mashed the veggies together with a splash of milk, some butter, a tsp of roasted garlic,some chopped green onions, and a handful of grated parmasean cheese. I added some more green onions on top of each serving. I will probably sprinkle some black pepper on the leftovers but Yummy!

I still have a few stalks of left over fennel and need to figure out what else to do with it but this was a very green way to get to eat mashed potatoes :) I was originally going to add some carrots but didn't this time. I think they would make them sweeter. I think cauliflower would be a good choice too to smash this way.

Oh yea... and I remembered why I don't buy shake and bake. Whoops.

Oh My word...

I am so glad I made the decision to skip the Atlanta version of the Real Housewives. Yes... I did watch Orange County, part of New York but wowzers.

I was just sitting here with the tv on in the background and it happens to be this show. I don't know which is worse, the blond sitting in the car with a huge glass of white wine and then driving away, the fact that she seriously thinks she can sing yet it is edited to make her sound bad, or the fact that she just spelled cat with a K.

Okay.. rant over. There really needs to be a limit Bravo.

My ER Prediction

Yes, I will admit, I have hung in there until the end. There are few shows that have gone on longer than I was satisfied with and this is definitely one of them but since I liked many of the characters over the years, I hung on. Even now that in the final season, 2 main people have left. But, I have having a hard time with the upcoming previews that show Mark Green coming back for an episode. How the heck are they going to pull a dr, dead for 6 seasons at least now... back in?

My prediction is that Angela Bassett's character has been at County before and that someone she loved, died there. My guess is that Dr. Green was the dr that helped her person.

I am not sure when that episode airs but I really can't imagine how they are going to do it any other way. There are only 2 original characters left, Haleigh and Morganstern. Everyone else is new and Jerry was the desk clerk when Mark died. I don't think Frank was there yet but he might have been. If so, that might be another way to do it is that Frank has another heart attack and sees Dr Green when he is dying.

Anyone else still watching this show? Have any thoughts?

Welp...

The biopsy showed that I didn't ovulate in September. Since I didn't get a period in October that is pretty certain. She wants me to take provera for the next few months and see if something resets. Since I am seeing the endo in December she wants to wait on the blood work since she knows the endo will do a full workup. I have to make sure that I am monitoring my blood pressure during the days that I am taking the provera just to make sure that the progesterone isn't the reason for the increased blood pressure when on BCP. Has anyone taken provera and had issues?

So it sounds like typical pcos/progesterone issues most likely. Oh goody.

Winter is coming-

Today has been an interesting day so far. DH had a followup visit with his PCP for the injury to his foot when he struck out in anger the other day. No breaks so that is good news. The dr wanted to know what else was going on and since this anger is related to his overall mood lately, he was honest with him and told him how he has been feeling. He walked out with a prescription so it is a start. He didn't talk about talk therapy but I am still thinking that we should probably take the leap and talk to someone together if not alone. It is just a scary move to make and realistically how do you find a counselor? I don't even know. Our insurance coverage changed so we don't have a direct number for mental health questions anymore so I guess I will have to scour their website to find out how to go about it. Just another thing to procrastinate on right? While he was in the appointment I called for the followup appointment and was somehow able to score an appointment for first thing tomorrow morning. I am not complaining.

After his appointment we went out to breakfast to a place that is near our old apartment. We don't go there often but it is really yummy. They are relatively inexpensive and their portions are super huge. Neither one of us finished our breakfast and really it wasn't food that you would take home so that is frustrating. I didn't make the best choice but it was definitely different and yummy. I had a bacon waffle. Waffle with bacon in the batter and bacon on top. I wasn't expecting that much bacon but yummo. I had one scrambled egg on the side but it looked like 2 eggs. I still made a point to eat the protein food so I wouldn't feel so bad about it.

When we were finished, I ran to the Aldi down the street. It really has been awhile since I have actually shopped for some essentials. I walked out with a bunch of stuff that we needed but I don't think I have ever spent that much there. I did buy a pie plate that has handles though and a cute tempered glass cutting board for the counter. Plus I bought three different types of meat so that raises the total right there. I always like to see what new things they have and was surprised that they made quite a few packaging changes. I am annoyed though by the change they made to their broth products. They now come in the wax paper quarts that a lot of brands do and that is fine but the ones that they use are not labeled as recyclable. Not a huge deal but since I typically don't cook with a quart of broth at a time except for chicken, I didn't get any. I will stick to the cans I can find elsewhere for beef stock or try and figure out how to make my own.

I picked the right day to be running around over there as today was the last Farmers Market of the season in our area. Of course, it was the only one that I got to this year. I realized that most of the stands with produce were actually from Michigan. Um... not exactly close by. I did buy some colored popping corn from a farmer about an hour away from us. I also bought a bulb of fennel from a farmer from southern Wisconsin. Closer than Michigan :)

I have never cooked with fennel before but have seen many recipes with it. I just kinda winged it and threw it in with a chuck roast, some carrots, and some mushrooms for a crockpot dinner tonight. I was going to add potatoes but wanted to get the meat cooking so I will just boil the potatoes later and either mash them or mix them in with the veggies later. I seasoned it up with some Montreal steak spice mix and then used veggie broth because I am out of beef stock. I saved the top part of the fennel stalk for use for something else. I did throw in some of the prawns (I think that is what RR calls them) into the crockpot but not too many. I will have to see what I can find to use up the rest of it.

Well I am off to enjoy more of the sunshine. I think I am going to put my book on cd into my cd walkman and go out to work in the yard. It is part of my goal for the week to get the yard cleaned up. Besides I have rambled wayyyy to much :)

Not much...

Going on around here. I hosted a birthday party at someone else's house so I was working over there Friday and all weekend. Dh had a "moron" moment and kicked something in anger. Don't think that he will be doing that again anytime soon since they are treating his foot like he broke his big toe.So he wasn't able to do much and his attempts actually made me mad because he was supposed to stay off of his foot all weekend.

Last week I was motivated and deep cleaned the kitchen but this week not so much. I need to just get moving and I will be fine but I am mad at myself. Sounds silly but I didn't sleep with my blueberry ( I never do) and I slept in today and missed a call from the Endo. By the time I reached them the open appt had been filled. It just stinks because work has slowed way down this week so I most likely could have taken the opening. Since that is the 3rd call in 2 months I would be really surprised if they call again this week. But I draw the line at sleeping with my phone by my bed. Anyone who needs to reach me in the wee hours knows to call the house. I just really want to get the initial appt over with and it feels crazy to be waiting 4 months.

Well the washer finished so that is a good time to get moving today. I will heat up some leftovers for lunch and will make it a complete comfort food day with some type of casserole for dinner.
I think I will force myself to enjoy some of the sunshine today and at least run to the store if not do yard work too.Anything is better than moping on the couch waiting for calls that probably won't come in.

Updated to add:

One of the nurses from the Ob/Gyn had called earlier today to find out if someone had called yesterday to tell me what the dr had decided. No, they hadn't called and so since she was just double checking she didn't have the info available. That call was at like 11am this morning. She finally called back when I was away from my phone of course to tell me that I have to make a followup appointment. Great... that probably means another 3 weeks. I will call first thing tomorrow to make the appointment as their phones are off for the day now. So... it continues.

And the 2nd call is a charm

I called the dr's office first thing this morning since it had offically been 4 weeks since my test. A very nice nurse called me back and said " I don't understand what happened... we ordered your chart on Oct 1st so that we could call you with the results and well-- are you sure we didn't call you yet? Not even with the preliminary results?" No, you didn't call me. I have my cell phone with me at all times and that is the number that you call. I even told her that I called last week looking for the results with no response. She was totally confused because she couldn't believe that I had fallen through the cracks.

So... no abnormalities were found in the biopsy. Now I have to wait, hopefully only until tomorrow when the dr is in the office, to determine what the next step is if there is one. She told me during my appt that she didn't want to run blood work because I am going to see the endo but I couldn't get an appt for 4 months. Crazy I know but there aren't that many plain endo's that are accessible through my insurance. I refuse to go back to my old one so I wait because I want to have all my drs at the same clinic if possible. Yes, I am starting to understand that this may not be ideal.

so that is what I know...

All I wanna do is...

BINGE. Dh got a call on the way home... Those friends who were married, um, 78 days ago and moved across country? Well whoops with all the chaos she ended up pregant. Yea... That is the second of dh's friends that ended up becoming pregnant by their 3rd month anniversary. Too bad he got stuck with the dud.

I'm afraid to move because I will lose it. I hate being the person who can't be happy for someone else. It is a vicious cycle of self loathing and I can't seem to get out. Breathing... It is hard right now.

It's that time again...

Head over and check out the ebay items for UTERUS.

Thanks

Distractions

The first week it was pretty easy to find a distraction as we were still making our way thru old House episodes. The second week we still had it easy since Mario Kart showed up from Gamefly. Last week it was a bit more difficult but I tried several new recipes and even went to a new restaurant. This week... Not so easy. I found one new recipe that we have all the ingrediants for. I have a few books out from the library if I can focus.

There are always house projects to work on but somehow there never seems enough time so why start. I was hoping that Tai chi would help but it stresses me out because it is on Mondays. Not sure why but I would much rather it was on another day.

How do you distract yourself during tough waits?

Still Waiting...

In case you are curious, I am still waiting for the test results. I didn't leave the office with the platitude of "No news is good news" this time. There was a definate note that I would hear from the office about the results and then we would see where to go from there because she understands that spotting all the time just for the heck of it isn't really all that pleasant. But... we are over 3 weeks out from the procedure and with 1 phone call in already to get the results, yet, still no news.

Waiting sucks.

Salsa Chicken

I posted over here about our yummy dinner that came out completely different than expected but was a mistake I will probably repeat.

Cabbage, onion, potato dish

I made a variation of this dish the other day. I added mushrooms at the same time that I added the cabbage. I used just regular green cabbage. I also added extra crispy turkey bacon right before serving and used shredded hashbrown potatoes instead of pan fried potatoes.

Well, I think the mushrooms were a good choice but my potato choice failed and I didn't like the turkey bacon texture. I think it might have been better if I had chopped it into really small pieces but I just kinda broke the pieces into bite size chunks and the texture bugged me. I used Jenni-O turkey bacon that was really low fat so that could be part of it also. The flavor that the bacon provided was pretty good but the texture just threw it off for me.

I think I will probably make this again, maybe with the mushrooms, but then use pan fried potatoes or buy a nonstick pan to make the hashbrowns in. DH threw mine out after we had a discussion about the flaking coating and cancer.

crazy as it sounds

I can't buy new glasses right now because the frames I like are to similar to Sarah Palin's. I was looking at them before she even became a household word but I can't jump on the bandwagon. Ugh... I need to get them before the end of the year.

Grocery Prices

Just participating in a blogger based survey. I have started using coupons again to help stick to the budget but mostly only for items such as canned soup, cereal,snack bars, and tolietries. We don't buy a whole lot of processed foods except those listed above. I have mainly been shopping at SuperTarget, Woodmans, and Sam's/Costco lately with a few stops at the local independent grocer.


Gallon of Milk - $2.99
5lbs potatoes - $2.50 on sale
price per lb for fruit -
apples - $1.49 on sale
oranges - $0.99 each
bananas - $.50lb
grapes - $1.49 on sale
average price for produce (per lb) -
lettuce - I usually buy salad mix when I can find it for $2.50 or less. I bought a two pack of iceberg at Sam's for $1.98
cucumber - 2 for $1.00
tomatoes - $1.49 on sale
carrots - $0.75 for a 1lb bag of whole carrots on sale
box of KD - $1.45 a box... I was shocked and the store brand wasn't much less
frozen corn, small bag, think it is 16oz, $.89 for store brand
coffee tin, 1lb of beans $6.99
toilet paper, 12 double-rolls - $6.99 or $14.00 for 36 double rolls at Sam's

price per lb of
ground beef $2.80 on sale or at Sam's club/Costco. I prefer at Sam's because they have a leaner type available
chicken $5.99 for a 3lb bag of frozen breasts
pork chops $2.49 a lb unless I stop at Jewel when on sale for $1.00 each
ham $5.00 at the deli counter
roast beef $7.00 at the deli counter
block of cheese 8oz block for $1.50
lb of butter or margarine $2.79
pkg of cookies like Oreos $3.50
can of beans $.77 on sale
can of tomatoes $.77 on sale for 14oz but I tend to buy at the local grocer for $.99 for 28oz for store brand
pkg of pasta (put in size) 1lb box of store brand $0.89

The lowest gas price I saw today was $3.44. I filled up Wednesday for $3.59.

Send safe driving thoughts, vibes, prayers, etc

Please send out good thoughts for our friends starting their new life in the Pacific Northwest. They left our fair state at Midnight on Thursday and woke up this morning in Deadwood, SD to Snow. Forecast is that it will be snowing the rest of the weekend and through the remainder of their trip. Last time our best man drove across country he hit 2 deer and totaled his car somewhere west of South Dakota. They need some good thoughts.

Thanks

Tried a new recipe

Tonight I made Jerk Pork and Sweet Potatoes. Recipe and info posted over here.

Debate Insights.... Or Not

* Periwinkle tie... interesting choice. But is the new style only buttoning one button or are they trying to be casual?

* These guys are driving me crazy! They aren't answering the questions very directly and they are taking more time than allowed.

* McCain's not so funny wise cracks and casual remarks are not going over well with me. I don't need to know that he thinks he will need a hair transplant.

* "My Friends" who are his friends?

* Gosh Darnit McCain, answer the damn question and quit making speeches that are not directly related to what your answer should be about.

* Oh again with the different pronunciation. No wonder people think he is Muslim. *Edited to add* That I get that he is saying it the right way and that he is respectful of the country because of that. My question is that why aren't the rest of them making the effort, including his running mate so that he doesn't seem the odd one out and garner unnecessary contempt from the unknowledgeable constituents?

* I thought Ronald Regan was his hero? He talks about him often enough. But no, Teddy Roosevelt is his hero tonight.

* For the record... Holly is still my hero

* Green behind the ears? Bomb Bomb Bomb Iran?

* Now they totally changed the rules!!

* What wise man is going to admit that he has a weak area that he doesn't know how to handle?

* LMAO! Whoops they got in the way the teleprompter! Made Tom Brokaw dance in his seat Hehe

* I gave up... a lot of recycled material and a bunch of attacks on the other which will probably show up as exaggerated tomorrow at factcheck.org

The Doctors

Well, I have hung in there and am still recording this show each day. It still annoys me that it records in HD but it is not shown in HD where we live. I do find myself fast forwarding through most of the kid stuff and most of the pregnancy items. But if I don't do that and just stop watching I would miss things like the episode I watch today that not only talked about pregnancy nutrition but also lasik surgery, tourettes, and sex addiction.

Is anyone else watching this?

FYI

My feed is having issues. Not sure why but bloglines has said for days that it can't find my feed but I found that some are not broken so if you use a blogreader program you might want to check any of the blogger feeds that are showing as broken.

His give a damn is busted

I get that he is depressed and that his best friend is moving to the otherside of the world (or so it seems) but how the fark do you forget that your spouse is waiting for biopsy results to determine if she has the early stages of cancer...

I try really hard not to blog about our issues but this time I just don't know what to do. He really... doesn't care about anything. He can't even get excited about his team. I'm pretty hurt and I don't know that whatever is broken now between us can be fixed.

Oooo...

Go check out the handbags that you can register to win here and well, if you don't need one you could also send it my way as I always need a new purse!

Looks like they are giving away a different handbag each hour but you can only register for one bag. The contest day is October 15th so don't forget to go back and check out the site when it launches!

Observations from the debate

* Some people will vote for Obama simply because he is taller and thinner than McCain

* Some people will vote for McCain simply because he is older

* They both like red ties

* Obama really shouldn't look down when facing forward because he looks a bit evil when he looks down a bit

*McCain whistles whilst he talks da dadadada da

* Oh how sad, Ted Kennedy is in the hospital again.

* Accountability... what a notion

* McCain is going to veto more bills then ever before-- great, that isn't going to cause a backlog of anykind now is it?

* Republicans built big government? I thought they hated government.

* Oh BAMA... China prerecorded their accomplishments. Probably not a good idea to talk about their space walk

* OOO... Obama got to say alternative energy first, nanananana

* That was cruel... I thought McCain was moderate so he could reach that far to the left-

* Oooo Moderator getting a bit pissy...

* Damn M, you didn't even eat bacon why the heck do your farts smell like BLT's?

* Google for government...

* Spending Freeze? what the heck. Ooo like the hatchet/scalpel analogy

* Backwards slow motion is not a good look for Obama

* Nuclear Winter sure would be a way to effect Climate Change

* The whistling it is killing me... I'm sorry, I know that is mean but sheesh... I hope it is just the microphone here.

* Orgy of spending? Tough to swallow? Is my mind in the gutter?

* The smirk about his maverick partner creeped me out a bit

* Why am I not using twitter for this? Oh yea, because I haven't really set it up yet and no one would be able to read it.

* Would have been? I didn't think that we really won in Iraq yet since we are still there.......

* BAMA we can't change it now, so quit focusing on what we should have done.

* Whoops WMOD's mentioned

* Wait a second, I thought that those
troops weren't given a choice to leave when their
time was up... they were told they needed
to delay their return.

*Are they sticking to the rules?

* Wait a second... BinLaden is still out. Did he mean Saddam?

* Oh ok, he just cleared that up

* I wish they really had resolved Iraq

* He has been saying that we need more troops? Seriously Obama wants
more troops?

* Oh damn, we can drink our first shot 9/11

* Uh oh... Someone is going to get mad about the differences of pronunciation of Pakistan

* Hey McCain, where's your flag pin?

* Mccain's hero is Reagan?

* Okay... McCain seriously is not looking about Obama. I know he has issues
with his neck and shoulders but he is not even glancing at him when Obama is talking.
Something seems a bit disrespectful there, especially since Obama is trying to be engaged
while listening.

* Again with the bracelet!

* He is staring straight ahead. He isn't even trying to be an engaged listener. Yet, the little digs come out on things that don't matter

*Being silent, It didn't work in Cuba either

*Way to dodge the question McCain. No response on Spain huh?

* Obama seems to be the more even tempered person tonight

* Somewhere I heard that the meeting on the financial crisis turned into a screaming match
I'm thinking McCain was the screamer

*Guess we should have made "walk the walk" the shot cue

*or maybe Nuclear

* 2,3,4,5, shots again

* too bad there is no alcohol in these shots :)

* 6,

* Definitely Nuclear would have been a shot cue

* Obama didn't even say 9/11 in the entire debate, even during the 9/11 question

* ooo he almost looked at Obama

* Obama = Bush on the stubborn scale?

* Yet, he was not the one being stubborn that he was right in this debate

* Hmmm... did McCain just steal Hilary's line?

* Okay Fonzie, Good Job but too bad you couldn't give your opponent some respect

Stealing Buddha's Dinner

I recently finished Stealing Buddha's Dinner by Bich Minh Nguyen. It was an interesting read. I grabbed this book on a whim at the library. I was looking for a different biography and the title looked interesting. I read the comments on the jacket and thought it would be fun to see how someone else digested the icons of my youth.

I don't know if I would have enjoyed this book as much if I wasn't the same age as the author. I found it quite entertaining to see how she reacted to the same commericals and events during my youth. If you like memoirs, you might just like this one.

One thing though is that I will never understand why people call memoirs self absorbed. So if you find yourself thinking that way about memoirs most of the time, skip it because while it reads like a novel at points throughout the book it is definitely her reaction and her thoughts. Sometimes these thoughts are self serving. If this bugs you, skip it. Also, food is a main topic throughout the book. She talks about how the food in her home indicates how different her homelife is from those around her. If food focused books trigger you... you might want to skip it as I did find myself craving fun dip and sticky rice for some reason.

After

It was definitely more painful than the last time. Part of it maybe that I didn't get to take Advil until 30 min before my appt but it was longer than expected before they started the procedure. She had to "pinch" my ute because it was being uncooperative. Gee... It is not the first time:)

It hurt, it is over. Now just settling in for the wait for results. I am going to be ticked off if it takes over 3 weeks again. She thought sometime next week but who knows. She took a larger sample this time and said when we get the results we will go from there. Not sure if I am going to push for a d & c or not.

A bit crampy... But OK.

Test

Trying really hard not to freak about this test today but it isn't working out that way. I know it will be quick and well the pain should be over quick too hopefully but it still is bugging me.

Okay... I really need to get some work done.

WAAHAHHOOOO

Nothing beats a weekend with a ton of rain and then horrible local flooding like a weekend where the local favorite team clinches the division! WWAAAHHHOOOO haven't won the division two years in a row in ooooo 100 years! Waving the W today and hoping that it can stay in place.

Sunshine Day..

Everybody's Happy, Sunshine Day..............

But I feel like there is a safe on top of my chest...........

Sunshine Day...Everybody's Laughing.....

At my wacky hair that grew out funny.....

Everybody's smiling... sunshine Day!

I think I'll go for a drive outside now, the fall sun is calling my name...
I hear ya now....
I just can't lay in bed all day
I gotta get out get some of that pay now
I'll try to be smiling
Sunshine Day
I'll be coughing
Sunshine Day
But I'll be trying to be happy today...
Sunshine Daaaayy....


uh nuh... I did not spend the morning watching Brady Bunch.

Kicked up Franks and Beans

This was a recipe that just came out of what was available to me and what needed to be used up asap, but it turned out really good and I probably will make it again.


* 1 box of cornbread mix, mixed as per directions on the box, set aside to rest
* 4-6 hot dogs sliced depending on what you have on hand and how many people you are serving (I sliced mine thin so that there would be more slices throughout the dish because I only had 4 small hot dogs)
* 1 can baked beans (I used bush's vegetarian)
* 1 can of white beans, rinsed (I used great northern)
* 1 med to large onion, chopped
* 1 red bell pepper, chopped
* 1 clove of garlic, minced
* oil to sweat out garlic
* bbq sauce to taste (I used a honey chipolte flavor and approximately 3 tbls)

Preheat the oven to the temp called for on the cornbread mix. Heat up the oil and then add garlic and onions, when they have cooked up a few minutes, add the red pepper. After a few minutes add the hot dogs to get them browned a bit. Once it looks nice and blended with a good color on the hot dogs, pour into a casserole dish. I used a 1.5 qrt for 4 hot dogs. Add the beans and the bbq sauce. Mix well. Spread the corn bread mix over the top of the casserole dish and cover with aluminum foil to help it not burn before the bread is done. Cook until the corn bread is done, taking the foil off in the middle to get a nice brown on the topping. Mine took about 40 minutes to get the bread cooked all the way thru. Scoop and serve.

09/11/01-- Memories

I remember that the day didn't start off as a typical Tuesday due to a change in the manager's schedule. The day wasn't normal because the DM was in his office in the back of our store. But in the end it wasn't a normal day because it was the day that everything stopped. Businesses closed early, sporting events cancelled, gas stations had huge lines and big price jumps. It was far from normal and in someways things never really did return to the normal known before.

The best things to happen in that week after for us were that our nephew was born on the day that we should have been at a baseball game but baseball was stopped and we saw great images of personal sacrfice and team work throughout the nation. Yellow flags and American flags were everywhere for a time being after 09/11/01. Now it seems those symbols are once again limited to families of miltary personnel still fighting because of that day.

I find myself a bit disturbed that baseball will be cancelled again on the weekend after this day (at least for our team) due to something that could cause great damage and loss of life. May this only be a precaution that is deemed unfounded. Baseball helps remind us of "normal".

100 Words Project 9/11

Today at Bridges is the first 100 words project. I couldn't come up with anything that I thought was eloquent enough in 100 words. Later I will post my own thoughts but please check out Bridges for others memories about 9/11.

Fastest Hour of TV in awhile--

I just watched today's episode of the Dr. Phil spinoff The Doctors in less than 20 min including breaks to check the Cubs/Cards score. Multiple breaks. Guess it helps that I didn't want to even begin to hear about home birth today. Yesterday I fast forwarded through the largest section of the show also. It was about the HPV vaccine and parents preparing for the birth of their child. Hopefully soon they will have a main feature that peaks my interest. It is only the first week but if it becomes pregnancy centric it will be off of my dvr in a flash. Besides... it doesn't even come in real HD ;)

Today I am annoyed by:

* People who say their house is done but when I get there the bathrooms aren't functional
* People who think that they should become number 1 priority when they put off their appointment for 3 weeks and yet their house still isn't done
* People who think that somehow they are the only house in town that has appreciated
* People who don't respond to voicemail messages and then decide they are in a hurry so demand that I work 3x faster for the same fee
* People who can't give an accurate description of their home and leave out big things like outbuildings and inground pools
* People who don't respond to emails

I think that covers it...

aaahhh.. that feels better.

To all the google searchers...

Sorry to disappoint you but there are no cliffs notes for Water for Elephants or for Nothing to Lose. Time to read the book. They are both very well written and you will be missing out if you don't take the time to read the whole book so stop searching for a short cut and do what you need to do.

And there he was...

standing on my side of the bed, talking happily, and nudging my face. My world tipped back towards normal this morning. I don't know if he will eat all of his food but I know that he is much improved just by him saying good morning to me before everything else starts for the day.

Yay!

It's Raining...

It's raining, It's pouring, The kitty cat is snoring. Went to bed with a sore bum leg and was able to get up in morning!

I wish I knew what the fascination with our bedroom is for our cat. I thought for sure that he would stay downstairs some today but nope, he came down to eat and then back upstairs for him. He hasn't been downstairs again either except to greet me after I dropped DH at the train station. When I came back from an afternoon appointment he didn't even wake up, but that isn't unusual when I come in thru the garage in the afternoon.

Can you tell where my focus is? We have never (knock on wood) had a health crisis with him fortunately. Other than a short episode of stomach upset he hasn't had to be on medicine. But, he is getting older. We never got him a buddy like we planned because once again, we weren't able to make a decision. Dog or cat? Small or large? Young or old? So, he has become our baby. The furkid that replaces the human child. Of course, the "mother" in me "freaked out" according to my DH over this. I overreacted. I only wish that he could have been there to hear his screams yesterday and to realize that my reenactment was not an exaggeration of the situation. Oh well... more disagreement, not really new and no biggie.

So he is doing better but not 100%. Hopefully tomorrow will bring even better news and maybe tomorrow I can focus on something else... like calling the Dr and revealing the lovely news that my mother bestowed on me so that the Dr can decide if she wants to change the test that I am currently scheduled for to a more thorough one.

Right now, need to get back to catching up on work and listening to the rain drops :)

Thank Goodness...

DH helped my parents out yesterday and went with my step dad to pick up my mom from the ER so that he could drive her car home as her company just moved into a new office on Tuesday. Nothing like a bit a craziness! He took the train from their station to ours (so grateful we are on the same line) and then we ran to pick up dinner. I was going to make tacos but after a craptastic day I really didn't want to dirty any dishes.

When we got home, there was definate improvement in our kitty. He had the anti-inflammatory meds at 2:30ish and by 7:30 was actually willing to walk more. He also started eating right before we got home or when we got home which was a really good thing. We didn't give him any extra food last night because we were worried he would get sick so today we will feed him slowly.

This morning he is very talkative but he didn't jump up on the bed. No biggie... I would rather he didn't anyhow :)

Off to enjoy the 2-4 inches of rain we are supposed to get today! Yay!!!

Computer or user errror? Who cares... but-

Well, I hit the wrong button again and my long post of what has been going on lately disappeared. I really don't feel like typing it out again so I will leave you with this:

* 5 years of no birth control reached over Labor Day weekend
* Family bbq ok but aftermath not so much
* DH and I have totally different views on the future of our family/marriage
* Cat had bad reaction to vaccines and can't walk, won't eat or drink
* Back pain came back over the weekend
* Mom in er again with nosebleed. No one able to get there right away because of car issues and cat issues
* Ob/Gyn nurse called to say that endometirial biposy needs to be done again
* Gas meter had to be exchanged because it hasn't been working since april
* Period started in the middle of all of this on the same day and mega cramps to boot


Yep, it is just another wicked week! And, to think, I used to think that even years were lucky ones for me.

Convention quandries

Wasn't there a time when the convention discussion and commentary didn't stop the networks from showing most of the speeches, even if they weren't from the most popular people?

There were two speeches that I wanted to see but couldn't because all of the networks had commentary on instead of focusing on the speaker at the podium. If you haven't watched the video of Deval Patrick's speech yet, it is worth watching even though he didn't raise the sound meter loud enough to have them switch over. It was a very good speech and both Biden and Michelle Obama gave him a standing ovation.

The other speech I wanted to see was Dennis Kucinich. It was okay. It was a bit disappointing to me as it seemed like a complete rehash of everything he has always said. No biggie but it did get the noise up on the floor.

I realize that you can watch all of the speeches realtime over the Internet but ya know... I have better things to do with my bandwidth at times. Hmmm... I wonder if Cspan will be broadcasting all of the speeches tonight. They have Melissa Etheridge on right now when none of the others do. I thought we checked it last night but who knows... I know we checked 5 channels for Deval Patrick.

Anyhow...

Viewing tonight:

Bill Clinton
Maybe John Kerry
Joe Biden

I am glad today was a day game so I don't have to deal with flipping back and forth to the Cubs game, but last night we missed some good parts of both the game and the convention so it is fair right?:) Personally, I love to find really enthusiastic delegates that are dressed in umm.... eccentric outfits. Dh was having fun with that too... Maybe there will be some worthy of live blogging? teeheehee

I really should go start dinner since DH is home now--- whoops!

Updated: If you live in Illinois, you might want to check out Tammy Duckworth's speech. They are speculating that she will be Obama's Senate successor if he is elected President for his remaining time in office. The part that we saw was pretty good but I need to find time to go back and watch it in it's entirity.

My new hero

I have been preoccupied with many things lately and forgot to blog about my new hero. I really need a boost today so I want to share about a woman named Holly.

Holly is a petite, older woman who works at Wrigley Field. She is in crowd management. Holly runs up and down the stairs of her section making the fans feel welcome. She tries to greet everyone and she makes a point to know which seats are filled and who is sitting in them for each home game. She works in a section that gets sun for a good portion of the day and doesn't bat an eye. She is an easy to smile woman and very outgoing. She makes a point to talk to each of the people in her section if she can. She trys to point out fans to the vendors if people have been trying to get a hotdog or a beer without any luck. The vendors are very active in her section and so is Holly. She does all this with an oxygen tank on her back. I don't know what her health issues are but I really hope to see Holly at the convention if we go this year or at a game next year. She really brightened our experience a few weeks ago and I was happy to see that she was running around the same way yesterday. I tried to get a picture but yesterday we were in the nose bleed seats with a great view... except for me who promised to sit behind the pole. I just couldn't see left field but I could see Holly running up and down the steps during the game.

I wish I could tell her that she is my new hero... maybe she will find this post.

And just when things were looking up a bit...

I was getting ready to post about the fun time we had at the Cubs game yesterday with our friends that have decided to move to Washington State within the next 6 weeks (they just decided within the last 30 days to do it) and how it was bittersweet that after all this time my dh's best friend finally is part of a couple and I enjoy spending time with her... when I get a text from my sis that my 6 year old niece is having hallucinations again. There is no break for her... please, if you are a good vibe, praying, healthy thoughts kind of person, if you wouldn't mind sending some her way I would really appreciate it. My niece is on the austism spectrum and has epilepsy. She just had surgery on the 14th and had a bit of a rough recovery but she was back in her routine and feeling much better. Her meds were working at controlling her seizures so this is not a good sign as it could mean more time in the hospital to control her meds if it is a reaction.

Updated: Just got the text message that they are admitting her but no info about what the issue is... I think this is the 4th hospital admission for her this year alone. She is only 6.

Moving forward...

My mom went to the dr today and they took the contraption out of her nose. Now she can get back to work and get some sleep. Too bad it couldn't have been a more relaxing break for her but I am glad that the bleeding is stopped. Now she just has to keep her nostrils moist so that the bleeding doesn't restart. Things we take for granted right? Moist nostrils...

Monty's hand is starting to feel better. He said that he actually was able to put the antibiotic cream on without wincing in pain today so that is something for which to be grateful. The burn covers a good portion of the top of his hand and extends past his wrist.

I finally called and got the results of my ultrasound. The doctor hasn't officially reviewed the report yet and the nurse was honest when she said she had no clue why. However, the only thing of note in the report was that my lining was too thick for the day in the cycle. It was cycle day 8 and my lining was at 9mm. I haven't been able to find much online about what is considered normal or not. My guess is that she will at least want another endometrial biopsy but I am hoping that she will do a hysterscopy at the same time. I did find it odd that the tech asked me if I had ever had a d&c for the abnormal spotting. People at risk for having an overgrowth of the lining...

Severe weight problem
PCOS
High Blood Pressure

Gee... I see me x3 in there. So just another motivation to move a bit more.

On that note, even though I have One inspection I could do, I am going to turn off the computer for the day and head out to do some long overdue cleaning/laundry. Besides, if my supervisor can be dreaming about spending megabucks on a TV and new accessories when there is no work, I can push off the tiny bit of work I do have to Monday.

One wierd and long day...

* My mom has a tampon in her nose after an uncontrollable nose bleed in the middle of the night.

* She can't wear her glasses because she has to hold them in place to focus correctly

* She can't go to work until she can wear her glasses

* The doctor refuses to see her to remove it until Friday

* The nurse told her that he may decide to leave it in until Monday

* All she did was scratch an itch

* I found out she went to the er via text message

* My aunt was told that even with Tamoxifen she has a lump in her other breast now that is definitely cancer

* The doctor wouldn't give her any idea of a treatment plan after she waited 14 days for the results of the biopsy

* She is joking that chemo and a mastectomy will at least allow her to lose weight

* My husband spilled boiling water all over his dominant hand

* He was cooking ramen

* His boss made him go to the er when he still couldn't do anything 3 hours later because of the pain

* I missed a deadline to pick him up from the er

* We didn't eat until 8pm

* when I got home the toilet wouldn't stop running

* It is the new one

* My husband went to get a glass of water and stepped in some weird black gunk on the kitchen floor.

* It smelled like soy sauce and was coming from the fridge

* The soy sauce bottle was upright and the shelf was clean under the bottle

* My hip pain and I had to pull out the fridge and crawl on the floor to clean it up

* I still am not sure that it was soy sauce

* Jimmy John's forgot the cucumber on my sandwich

* I was too lazy to go cut some and just whined about it

* I still don't have my ultrasound results but my pap was normal

* I don't understand why when my hip pain flares, I am spotting

* No one seems to care about that fact

* Today I am so not the sympathetic wife

* I need to put antibiotic cream on my husband's hand

* First I am going to try and smile to my liver

Today's LOL Moment and cooking flub

:D
DH flipped on the Olympics at my request because it said that there was a Gymnastics final. When he flipped it on it was Women's Beach Volleyball. The first thing that we saw were two women with Bra across their chest. My response... "Well duh, yes you are wearing that" Umm... yes, I failed to read the bottom of the screen that showed it was the country designation for Brazil. Couldn't they have found a different abbreviation? Yes, I know, they speak Portuguese but someone has to know at bit of English.

:}
I decided to attempt eggplant tempura again. However, I forgot to figure out tempura dough so I decided to use the heart healthy Bisquick the way that my MIL uses regular Bisquick to fry fish. She just uses the flour to coat the fillets and doesn't make it into a dough.Last time I made dough to dip the eggplant in... we didn't even finish the eggplant, uh, pancakes. So I salted the eggplant to release some moisture and some bitterness. And, then, I salted it again. Mind you, I don't have a salt shaker just the big ol' container and well, the first time I used my hand to measure... the second time just uh... poured. I went about getting other things started. Squeezed out the water from the eggplant when the oil was ready, shook it up in a paper bag filled with Bisquick and got to it (I forgot to add pepper, whoops). I was using bamboo tongs and somehow managed to place them down on the edge of the burner when I was stirring the pasta. So end result... salty but tasty but really salty fried eggplant and burned tongs. But, at least I cooked at home tonight. A task that has been rare around here lately. I think we have eaten out 11 times in the last two weeks.

And now, I will end this before I start ranting about my husband and our labor day plans... Good Night! :)

BBBT--Eat, Pray, Love

The latest leg of the Barren Bitches Book Tour was Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilberts. I will admit that I am not quite done with the book but am far enough along to say that if you don't mind autobiographical memoirs where the author is going through personal thought processes that you would probably enjoy this book. There are a lot of interesting queries and experiences that she goes through. But, most of the book is her personal journal about her journey.

On to the questions:
While I don't believe infertility can be cured by positive thinking, do you think the impact it has on out life could be minimized if we learned to control our thoughts like she talks about in chapter 58?

I do think that our thoughts definitely impact our emotional well being and our attitude towards life. While I do not believe that chanting, "I will have a baby" is going to change a person's life, I think that a person should work towards eliminating as many negative thoughts about themselves and the people around them as possible. I think that by changing and controlling where our thoughts lead, we can make a difference in our outlook, which then leads to changes of perspective. Sometimes, if you take a step back things look completely different but if you are drowning in negative thoughts there is generally no way out of your situation.

I was struck by the medicine man's comment on Yoga in Chapter 78 I believe. He is discussing Balinese meditation with the author and he relates that one of the easiest ways to meditate is to sit still and smile. Have you tried it? I can't help but find something positive with a smile plastered on my face.

What is the word that defines your city? workplace? home? yourself? Why?

While I know that all of her words were verbs, I haven't been able to come up with verbs per say for my places. I would say that my city is diverse. Workplace is dynamic. Home is secure. Self... this one I have a hard time with. I want to say Content but that isn't quite accurate. Maybe... perceptive?

City is diverse because our town is full of different ethnicities, experiences, and socio-economic levels. Plus... we are a suburb of a large metropolitan area that can only add to the diversity that I see on a daily basis.

Workplace is dynamic because I don't have just one place I go on a regular basis. My field is changing and my office is making big changes.

Home is where I feel the most stable and protected.


One of the criticisms frequently leveled at this book is that it is "self-absorbed" and that its author is "selfish." Interestingly, these same labels have also been applied to infertiles, particularly those of us who blog about our infertility. Do you think this criticism is warranted in either case (i.e., by the book/author and by infertiles/infertility bloggers)? Do you think being an infertile and a blogger influenced your reaction to the book? In what ways?

I believe that the genre of this book is essentially a personal journal/memoir. To deem it selfish and self absorbed is just stating the obvious and attacking something for the essence of itself. That was the purpose of the journey... to find out about herself. She wouldn't not have been able to do that without being introspective. Blogs are personal journals for many IF'rs. Is an infertile anymore selfish in their writing then a mommyblogger focusing on their family or a foodie who is pronouncing their recipe the best? I don't believe so. The reason I read blogs is to see into people's lives. Blogging about your personal journey is not selfish in my opinion.

Honestly, since I thought this was supposed to be a "pepper" book and because I was trying to read it for it's own merit, I didn't feel that my reaction was fueled at all as an infertile. While I agree that infertility does influence many areas of my life, I am trying really hard not to look at everything from the perspective of an infertile woman. I honestly didn't really connect any of the book to infertility until I received the questions.

The author learns Italian for the pure love of it (no real practical reason). Have you wanted to learn something just for the pure sake of the knowledge? Did you pursue it and how did it make you feel once you had done it?

I would have to say that the last time I tried this was with Finite Math. I took the class with my then boyfriend--now my DH. Not because I needed it, but just because I never had the chance to take it previously. I finished the class and was considering taking calculus just because but then decided I should start taking classes that might help make a career move instead. It was a successful class for me and it reminded me that when I focus on something I can do it even if I don't think so. I miss that state of learning just for learning and hope that I can figure out how to take something else interesting soon.


Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at Stirrup Queens (http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/). You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: Baby Trail by Sinead Moriarty (with author participation).

If you are interested...

weightloss post up over here

Interesting conversation

As stated previously, I am currently in Physical therapy for my hip/back issue. My previous therapist ended up in the hospital on bedrest for the remainder of her pregnancy because she went into preterm labor. The baby really doesn't have much more room and the pregnancy is really stressing her petite body out. I am sure that she is not happy about it but she has been given the choice to deliver when she wants to at this point. So far she has resigned to the hospital imposed bedrest for at least the time being. I do hope that everything goes well for her and that she is blessed with a wonderful, healthy baby. But...

This meant that I was transferred to a different therapist. The transition has been fairly smooth so far as I only had a few sessions with the original therapist. Until yesterday the conversation was fairly pleasant and non intrusive. But we were talking about family since she used to live in the town that my husband grew up in and where we lived for the first two years of our marriage. However, yesterday the topic somehow turned to children and what not. When I explained that we were the only ones on DH's side without children (immediate family only) of course she said well sounds like it is about time for you... blah, blah. So I explained that we can't have children and that we are looking into adoption. (No, this is not an exaggeration, we are actually narrowing down the agencies to attend intro meetings to before the end of the year. We would have already gone to three but the times conflicted with the wedding and other commitments so we are hoping to catch at least one in September.)

Anyhow then she asked what PCOS was and what about IVF, yadda yadda. Of course she had a successful IVF story and shared her opinion about the dangers of adoption. She also shared how one of her extended family members was thrilled with her life since she decided not to adopt because of their fears of horrible children. Kid you not, she said that. Why is it that people think that a few bad experiences are the only stories out there? I am so thankful for the bloggers I read that have wonderful adoption experiences. Do I think that it is all going to be roses and sunshine? Heck no, but what DH and I have both learned from our families is that even bio children have issues and can make your life a living nightmare. There are no guarantees in raising children except that you are guaranteed the ride of your life in one way or another.

The backlash of this conversation continued into the evening when we went out to dinner. We are well... enthusiastic Cub fans to say the least. We didn't really have much planned for this weekend and too see the park empty in Florida really disappointed me. We could have packed up and gone. See, this is supposed to be an advantage to not having children they say... being impulsive and traveling whenever, where ever. But-- that is not our mindset. We have other responsibilities that preclude us from living some wild, jetset, childfree life. We tried to make it work but the available flights didn't work to allow us to at least complete part of our to do list and make it to appointments on Monday... ya know- work and such. Plus the cost was deemed prohibitive to us. We are just too darn frugal to be jet setting free living people I guess, especially at this time with the questionable future of my career. Not that I don't dream of these adventures, I do but to actually make the move and go for it? Not within my wiring, however, if it was a road trip away, it probably would have been fine.

The conclusion that I have come to over the past few months has been that there are personalities that are best suited for willingly living childfree. I have friends that have chosen this path (you all know who you are and I totally respect your decisions) and are well suited for this lifestyle. Their desires and goals are healthy. They are nurturing in other ways and have loads of wonderful characteristics. Unfortunately I just don't see those traits in myself. No matter what I am doing, or who I am dealing with, I have moments of "mothering". I have tried to change. Really, I have thought that we could just be the fun aunt and uncle as a mode to move on. And while, I still would love that title (DH has fun uncle title-- me, not so much), it is not all that I hoped to be. I really think that people are wired to be what they are supposed to be. Even when the most unlikely characters become parents, their true selves are show in their interactions with their children. We witnessed it during the prewedding dinner. One of the most unlikely people to be a good dad someday was just that... a wonderful dad. I know that children are not the key to happiness... having kids is mucho trabajar... but in the end if that is what is meant for our family, we need to "Make it so". I guess it is time to live up to the declaration I made at the lunch table when I was 16... "I won't ever be pregnant, I am going to adopt". I just wish it was as easy as that declaration was back then.

Home again...

We are home again. The wedding was nice but a bit harried. they tried to be laid back about the whole thing but that backfired in some cases. It turned out fine and everyone had a good time. They are happy and in the end, that is all that matters.

Today, I have my ultrasound later on and I am a bit nervous. I know that I won't find out anything today but with all of this pain on the right side it only makes me wonder if it is more than just the muscle that the PT thinks that it is. Hopefully this will help figure it out. I have been weepy for the past week. I thought at first it was just PMS and then I just put it off on the wedding. Now I am just putting it off to still being tired. For some reason I could not sleep the night after the wedding so I ended up 36 hours on 2.5 hours of sleep. The second hour wasn't until after we got home Saturday evening. I have been having issues with sleep for the last few weeks but I hope that it will ease up soon. I haven't really changed anything so I am not sure what could be causing this mild insomnia. I know my hormones are out of whack so maybe it is all just due to that issue.

anyways... I guess I really should get some work done today. Happy Monday!

On the road....

Wicked Storm...

We had another wretched storm roll through last night. Everything is intact, which we are very thankful for because it was brutal. It was very strange because the storm siren went off, the emergency alert black screen went on, and then the power went off all within less than 5 minutes. Don't get me wrong, we have lost power before, but this was just strange. DH thinks that they cut the power so that people would get to safety but I don't know if they do that. While others are still without power this morning though, our power returned once the storm settled down about 1.5 hours later.

We live in an attached home on a slab. The best place during a tornado warning is in the powder room. Since we love our cat we make sure that he is in there with us. Last night was the longest that we have had to stay in there... probably 45 minutes before things were calm enough to leave. It didn't help matters that we kept hearing things hit the house so we just stayed where we were. While we were in the powder room, our cat was roaming around and hollering. He got really vicious for a few minutes but we think that dh must have been on his tail on accident. You see... we don't have an emergency kit. So, we had only had the light of a cell phone to see by. Fun. DH finally decided that we could leave the powder room when kitty decided to defecate in the sink. Yep... of all the places, he picked the best one besides the toilet. Since I was sitting on that it wasn't possible. So... he is a smart one. He is one stinky kitty and there is no vent in that room so I was glad the bulk of the storm was over. After it really calmed down, we walked around outside since it sounded so vicious. What we discovered was that once again, the people next door left their garage door up during a storm. This happened in the winter during a nasty blizzard. The wind hits all the things they have on the walls of their garage and it sounds like debris hitting our house. Hopefully, the mom got ticked off that the garage door was open when she got home so it might not happen again. But it sure did add to the stress of the storm this time.

GYN appt...

So I guess I should face the music on this one. I had my annual checkup last week. It took me a few days to process the information and the lack of progress. You see, my GYN stated that there is pretty much no reason to do an HSG because my hormones are so out of whack that even if everything fell into place I won't get pregnant or stay pregnant. Since I can't take BCP due to my blood pressure the only way that my hormones will get regulated is by losing weight. Yep... it all comes down to me being fat again.

I do have a pelvic ultrasound scheduled for Monday just to make sure that there isn't anything where it isn't supposed to be and we shall go from there. Maybe when those results come back I can ask about looking further since this constant spotting is driving me nuts. Or as she calls it "excessive mensturation".

So she requested that I go see an endo to see what else can be done and to have all the labs updated through them... however? Since I was concerned about insurance issues I didn't schedule the appointment until after this one and guess what? The first available isn't until the week before Christmas. While the wait is less than it was last time I tried to get into this doctor, it still seems crazy to wait that long. I could call my old endo and get in within 2 weeks but I can't do that... I just can't! He and his office drive me nuts and stress me out. They are so disorganized. so what to do? Try and find another endo outside of this clinic? I find it hard to believe that they only have one endo when they have about 20 internal med doctors and 10 family practice. The other clinic had one endo and 6 doctors and he still had a hefty patient load.

I'm on the cancellation list... maybe after this wedding coming up I will search for a new one but right now I have to scramble to get caught up and then clean the house for the pet sitter.

Because I am lazy...

I have lots of things I should be blogging about but I am just too lazy at the moment and don't want to face the emotions. So I pose this question instead-

Why does California always get the cool laws/legal decisions?

My Day--Cliff Notes Version

Blogger ate the long post that I had written so here are the cliff notes.

* Back Pain Still Around
* Physical Therapy Eval today
* Took HPT due to reoccurring issues
* It may be too early to show a positive but not a stark BFN
* My Therapist? The tiniest, hugely pregnant woman in the world
* It was the elephant in the room as her belly kept getting in the way
* Plus she is so big for her body that she can't breathe very well
* I emotionally ate today for more than just that
* I have my annual GYN exam this week
* On the discussion agenda? Premature Ovarian Failure and further testing for fertility and endo
* Oh yea, and I can't wait to weigh in Pfffttt....

Names...

I have a fairly normal name. I don't always like it because it was pretty popular with parents around the time that I was born though I do have the more modern spelling at least. However, I personally like unusual names.

But, even so, sometimes things go to the extreme. I don't blame the judge at all in this case except that I hope it was just a temporary removal. A phrase for a name? Seems a bit much.....

How about you? Normal or unusual?

8 Years....

Happy Anniversary Monty. I can't believe that it has been 8 years--- it seems so much shorter even with all the bumps, humps, and disappointments in the road. I am sorry that things didn't work out for the celebration I had planned, just chaulk it up to letting life run us over again. It doesn't take away the amazement that I have that today marks 8 years of married life.


I LNMWCB U

We've been busy...

but somehow it still doesn't make up for things that I wished were different. Trying to stay positive but failing. Typical.

BBBT-The Empty Picture Frame

The latest choice for the BBBT is The Empty Picture Frame by Jenna and Mike Nadeau. The book is a journal/memoir with interesting information for people that are unfamiliar with infertility. This was the book that I read aloud in the car on our vacation. While I found it very informative and supportive, my DH was actually disturbed by the realistic account of the IF treatments and it helped solidify his opinion that IVF is not the route that we should go. We had very different takes on the experiences recounted in the book but at the same time found some common ground on thoughts and feelings of both Jenna and Mike.

This is definitely a worthy read if you are at all interested in infertility and how it impacts some one's life. There are already two people on my "can I borrow that" list including the person who gifted it to me after I mentioned it briefly in passing one day. I hope that they get as much out of it as I did.


On to the Questions:


What one line from The Empty Picture Frame did you identify with and why? On Page 139 there is a journal entry written by Jenna about how difficult this journey can be on a marriage. I started crying while I was reading this section because of a few points in this passage where I felt she was dictating my thoughts but the line that really impacted me was a bit surprising: " In the midst of my emotional battles, I often misunderstood his level-headedness for ambivalence". For some reason, at that time, that line just truly spoke to me. Partially because I have felt this way at many moments along our journey and partially because I can't always quite read what my husband is feeling/thinking about this part of our lives. I still think some of his inaction is ambivalence but that has been more recent than when we were reading this book together.

The last chapter is a guide to the fertiles reading the book on how to respond and not respond to a situation. Some of the reactions and commentary has happened to many people. What was the best reaction you got to your story and what was the worst? The best reaction that I got was the person who asked "what's next?" It made me feel like they truly understood that this is not a dead end but that we need to find our path right now. The worst reaction has been my MIL who after telling us that she had plenty of grandchildren (4) when the youngest was born has now decided that we are wrong and that we will have children. Each time the topic come up (usually by her) she is more and more forceful that we will have children. She really hurt me at that time when she told us not to bother in the middle of a group and now it is just annoying that she is so totally convinced that we are wrong.


Jenna discusses how difficult it became for her to go to family events which centered on children while she remained childless. Have you had this experience too? How have you managed to cope with family gatherings? The hardest family events for me typically revolve around one of my "nieces". She is the youngest and my "probable but not confirmed" miscarriage occurred when my family member was about 4/5 months pregnant with her. Of course, since I was clueless at the time the impact was later on after discussing things with the drs about what happened. I am always very emotional around her birthday because if things had gone the way that it seems they should have she would have had a close playmate and well, I would be a mother now 4 years later, instead of still on the sidelines. I was really worried this year because there was a pregnant woman at her birthday party but I feel that I handled it with grace and while I was quiet, I wasn't crying so that is an improvement. Holidays are pretty hard on me in general just because as each one passes it means that more time has gone by and still my arms and heart are empty.


Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at Stirrup Queens (http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/). You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

Are the nerves in her chest dead?

I really hope that the animal in the picture is fake otherwise I think she must not have any feeling in her chest. The picture makes me think it is a hoax because how the heck do you not feel that in your bra? Seriously...

Ouch!

Ugh, I spent the holiday weekend/DH's birthday weekend sidelined with some pretty bad back pain. I thought it was just a wierd case of back cramps since the onset coincided with the start of AF. However, she has been ramping down for a few days and the back pain is not getting much if any better. I keep telling myself and dh that it is but I don't think so. The problem is that since it has been going on for a few days a visit to the ER doesn't seem right and which dr do I call? It started with AF so does that mean ob/gyn or since it is still here GP? I'm lost. Maybe I will just call my GP's nurse and ask... but I know that she will remind me that I am overdue for a followup and bloodwork and who knows what she will say about the back pain. We have Cubs tickets this weekend... I don't want to be in pain for that :(

Is it just me...

or are the only recipes that Rachel Ray (on her talk show) makes lately burgers? Two new episodes this week and the only recipes were burgers. Okay... I get the holiday and don't get me wrong, I like a good burger but hers are usually so stinking huge that no one could actually fit them in their mouth in one bite. I do like when she changes the meat from beef though so I won't complain about that but geeze... get over the burgers next season please. Last season felt like she did 3 burger recipes a week.

Anyhow... I will say though that I want to try the gnocchi salad that she made yesterday because well, a good gnocchi is heaven.

And we're Baaacck...

Well, we have been back for a few days. Short trip up to a spot in northwestern Wisconsin to catch some fish. I didn't fish but I ate the goods. I also observed the fish filleting process for the first time. It was quite interesting and probably something I could learn to do if need be. Though, I would prefer that DH would visit places that do all the work for you but well, this is a family tradition.

I didn't go out on the boat as my FIL was a bit more bitchy this time around plus he made some comments to my DH about his brother so I didn't want to have the same thing happen that he was talking about which most likely would have. They don't have a public dock that we know about on that lake and it is frustrating because the pier at the resort is near the weeds so it doesn't lend itself to much fishing.

We normally go out for lunch everyday but ended up going out for lunch only one day to a new restaurant and we went out another afternoon to a local winery. It was really neat but I wasn't in the mood to go on the tour because we were worried about time to get back for dinner. The same thing happened the day before but it was even more silly because we were near the KFC where we were picking up dinner from but since I had turned off their cell phone we couldn't just go to a movie and then pick up dinner on the way home because there would have been drama. That is part of the vacation that I don't like... that we are reporting to others for meals. DH wants to try and get our own space next year so that we can say no to meals and have a bit of freedom to do other stuff but I doubt that will happen. Since there won't be too many more years of this it really isn't that big of a deal but it is just frustrating when they are both cranky and hollering at each other all the time. What is the worst for me is when they holler at my husband. They don't holler at me very often.. only a few choice times that are really silly usually but they holler at him all the time and they make him feel bad about himself which is way worse. I told him that this was the last time and well... I doubt that will happen either. I am sure that even if we can't find our own space that we will go up there anyhow and just deal with it since it is only a few days out of the year. But...those few days can be toxic when you are dealing with someone who is trying to build his self esteem and then he is faced with someone who is tearing him down only because they can.

Anyhow... things are strange around here. Trying to get back into the swing of work. I have a family member who has a medical crisis that needs surgery but can't seem to get on the schedule. It is frustrating because his surgery impacts me both in regards to just being a family member but also impacts my work schedule. Plus... since it isn't booked yet, I had to give up the idea of booking a pretty big surprise for DH for our anniversary. He now knows about part of it but not the whole plan but it doesn't matter because it doesn't look like I can pull it off now anyhow. Frustrating because I often feel like we put aside what we would like to do so that we can work around others schedules but I don't know what else to do in this case... he is going to be off of work for 4-6 weeks most likely. Plus without the surgery scheduled yet, it could actually be scheduled for that week which means that I will need to cover the phones so that everyone else can be at the hospital... yes, everyone that works in my office is related to me in one way or another. Not an ideal situation but I don't really have much of a choice now as I made the decision to work in this industry 5 years ago and going out on my own might be looked at as an insult at this point. At least we do have some non family back up contractors so that is a good thing.

So... enough of my rambling... we are back and guess we are not going to the agency intros tonight since we haven't talked about it yet. Oh well... We'll get this all handled at some point I am sure. Off to make sausage pasta salad for dinner~~