Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Convention quandries

Wasn't there a time when the convention discussion and commentary didn't stop the networks from showing most of the speeches, even if they weren't from the most popular people?

There were two speeches that I wanted to see but couldn't because all of the networks had commentary on instead of focusing on the speaker at the podium. If you haven't watched the video of Deval Patrick's speech yet, it is worth watching even though he didn't raise the sound meter loud enough to have them switch over. It was a very good speech and both Biden and Michelle Obama gave him a standing ovation.

The other speech I wanted to see was Dennis Kucinich. It was okay. It was a bit disappointing to me as it seemed like a complete rehash of everything he has always said. No biggie but it did get the noise up on the floor.

I realize that you can watch all of the speeches realtime over the Internet but ya know... I have better things to do with my bandwidth at times. Hmmm... I wonder if Cspan will be broadcasting all of the speeches tonight. They have Melissa Etheridge on right now when none of the others do. I thought we checked it last night but who knows... I know we checked 5 channels for Deval Patrick.


Viewing tonight:

Bill Clinton
Maybe John Kerry
Joe Biden

I am glad today was a day game so I don't have to deal with flipping back and forth to the Cubs game, but last night we missed some good parts of both the game and the convention so it is fair right?:) Personally, I love to find really enthusiastic delegates that are dressed in umm.... eccentric outfits. Dh was having fun with that too... Maybe there will be some worthy of live blogging? teeheehee

I really should go start dinner since DH is home now--- whoops!

Updated: If you live in Illinois, you might want to check out Tammy Duckworth's speech. They are speculating that she will be Obama's Senate successor if he is elected President for his remaining time in office. The part that we saw was pretty good but I need to find time to go back and watch it in it's entirity.

Monday, August 25, 2008

My new hero

I have been preoccupied with many things lately and forgot to blog about my new hero. I really need a boost today so I want to share about a woman named Holly.

Holly is a petite, older woman who works at Wrigley Field. She is in crowd management. Holly runs up and down the stairs of her section making the fans feel welcome. She tries to greet everyone and she makes a point to know which seats are filled and who is sitting in them for each home game. She works in a section that gets sun for a good portion of the day and doesn't bat an eye. She is an easy to smile woman and very outgoing. She makes a point to talk to each of the people in her section if she can. She trys to point out fans to the vendors if people have been trying to get a hotdog or a beer without any luck. The vendors are very active in her section and so is Holly. She does all this with an oxygen tank on her back. I don't know what her health issues are but I really hope to see Holly at the convention if we go this year or at a game next year. She really brightened our experience a few weeks ago and I was happy to see that she was running around the same way yesterday. I tried to get a picture but yesterday we were in the nose bleed seats with a great view... except for me who promised to sit behind the pole. I just couldn't see left field but I could see Holly running up and down the steps during the game.

I wish I could tell her that she is my new hero... maybe she will find this post.

And just when things were looking up a bit...

I was getting ready to post about the fun time we had at the Cubs game yesterday with our friends that have decided to move to Washington State within the next 6 weeks (they just decided within the last 30 days to do it) and how it was bittersweet that after all this time my dh's best friend finally is part of a couple and I enjoy spending time with her... when I get a text from my sis that my 6 year old niece is having hallucinations again. There is no break for her... please, if you are a good vibe, praying, healthy thoughts kind of person, if you wouldn't mind sending some her way I would really appreciate it. My niece is on the austism spectrum and has epilepsy. She just had surgery on the 14th and had a bit of a rough recovery but she was back in her routine and feeling much better. Her meds were working at controlling her seizures so this is not a good sign as it could mean more time in the hospital to control her meds if it is a reaction.

Updated: Just got the text message that they are admitting her but no info about what the issue is... I think this is the 4th hospital admission for her this year alone. She is only 6.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Moving forward...

My mom went to the dr today and they took the contraption out of her nose. Now she can get back to work and get some sleep. Too bad it couldn't have been a more relaxing break for her but I am glad that the bleeding is stopped. Now she just has to keep her nostrils moist so that the bleeding doesn't restart. Things we take for granted right? Moist nostrils...

Monty's hand is starting to feel better. He said that he actually was able to put the antibiotic cream on without wincing in pain today so that is something for which to be grateful. The burn covers a good portion of the top of his hand and extends past his wrist.

I finally called and got the results of my ultrasound. The doctor hasn't officially reviewed the report yet and the nurse was honest when she said she had no clue why. However, the only thing of note in the report was that my lining was too thick for the day in the cycle. It was cycle day 8 and my lining was at 9mm. I haven't been able to find much online about what is considered normal or not. My guess is that she will at least want another endometrial biopsy but I am hoping that she will do a hysterscopy at the same time. I did find it odd that the tech asked me if I had ever had a d&c for the abnormal spotting. People at risk for having an overgrowth of the lining...

Severe weight problem
High Blood Pressure

Gee... I see me x3 in there. So just another motivation to move a bit more.

On that note, even though I have One inspection I could do, I am going to turn off the computer for the day and head out to do some long overdue cleaning/laundry. Besides, if my supervisor can be dreaming about spending megabucks on a TV and new accessories when there is no work, I can push off the tiny bit of work I do have to Monday.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

One wierd and long day...

* My mom has a tampon in her nose after an uncontrollable nose bleed in the middle of the night.

* She can't wear her glasses because she has to hold them in place to focus correctly

* She can't go to work until she can wear her glasses

* The doctor refuses to see her to remove it until Friday

* The nurse told her that he may decide to leave it in until Monday

* All she did was scratch an itch

* I found out she went to the er via text message

* My aunt was told that even with Tamoxifen she has a lump in her other breast now that is definitely cancer

* The doctor wouldn't give her any idea of a treatment plan after she waited 14 days for the results of the biopsy

* She is joking that chemo and a mastectomy will at least allow her to lose weight

* My husband spilled boiling water all over his dominant hand

* He was cooking ramen

* His boss made him go to the er when he still couldn't do anything 3 hours later because of the pain

* I missed a deadline to pick him up from the er

* We didn't eat until 8pm

* when I got home the toilet wouldn't stop running

* It is the new one

* My husband went to get a glass of water and stepped in some weird black gunk on the kitchen floor.

* It smelled like soy sauce and was coming from the fridge

* The soy sauce bottle was upright and the shelf was clean under the bottle

* My hip pain and I had to pull out the fridge and crawl on the floor to clean it up

* I still am not sure that it was soy sauce

* Jimmy John's forgot the cucumber on my sandwich

* I was too lazy to go cut some and just whined about it

* I still don't have my ultrasound results but my pap was normal

* I don't understand why when my hip pain flares, I am spotting

* No one seems to care about that fact

* Today I am so not the sympathetic wife

* I need to put antibiotic cream on my husband's hand

* First I am going to try and smile to my liver

Monday, August 18, 2008

Today's LOL Moment and cooking flub

DH flipped on the Olympics at my request because it said that there was a Gymnastics final. When he flipped it on it was Women's Beach Volleyball. The first thing that we saw were two women with Bra across their chest. My response... "Well duh, yes you are wearing that" Umm... yes, I failed to read the bottom of the screen that showed it was the country designation for Brazil. Couldn't they have found a different abbreviation? Yes, I know, they speak Portuguese but someone has to know at bit of English.

I decided to attempt eggplant tempura again. However, I forgot to figure out tempura dough so I decided to use the heart healthy Bisquick the way that my MIL uses regular Bisquick to fry fish. She just uses the flour to coat the fillets and doesn't make it into a dough.Last time I made dough to dip the eggplant in... we didn't even finish the eggplant, uh, pancakes. So I salted the eggplant to release some moisture and some bitterness. And, then, I salted it again. Mind you, I don't have a salt shaker just the big ol' container and well, the first time I used my hand to measure... the second time just uh... poured. I went about getting other things started. Squeezed out the water from the eggplant when the oil was ready, shook it up in a paper bag filled with Bisquick and got to it (I forgot to add pepper, whoops). I was using bamboo tongs and somehow managed to place them down on the edge of the burner when I was stirring the pasta. So end result... salty but tasty but really salty fried eggplant and burned tongs. But, at least I cooked at home tonight. A task that has been rare around here lately. I think we have eaten out 11 times in the last two weeks.

And now, I will end this before I start ranting about my husband and our labor day plans... Good Night! :)

Sunday, August 17, 2008

BBBT--Eat, Pray, Love

The latest leg of the Barren Bitches Book Tour was Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilberts. I will admit that I am not quite done with the book but am far enough along to say that if you don't mind autobiographical memoirs where the author is going through personal thought processes that you would probably enjoy this book. There are a lot of interesting queries and experiences that she goes through. But, most of the book is her personal journal about her journey.

On to the questions:
While I don't believe infertility can be cured by positive thinking, do you think the impact it has on out life could be minimized if we learned to control our thoughts like she talks about in chapter 58?

I do think that our thoughts definitely impact our emotional well being and our attitude towards life. While I do not believe that chanting, "I will have a baby" is going to change a person's life, I think that a person should work towards eliminating as many negative thoughts about themselves and the people around them as possible. I think that by changing and controlling where our thoughts lead, we can make a difference in our outlook, which then leads to changes of perspective. Sometimes, if you take a step back things look completely different but if you are drowning in negative thoughts there is generally no way out of your situation.

I was struck by the medicine man's comment on Yoga in Chapter 78 I believe. He is discussing Balinese meditation with the author and he relates that one of the easiest ways to meditate is to sit still and smile. Have you tried it? I can't help but find something positive with a smile plastered on my face.

What is the word that defines your city? workplace? home? yourself? Why?

While I know that all of her words were verbs, I haven't been able to come up with verbs per say for my places. I would say that my city is diverse. Workplace is dynamic. Home is secure. Self... this one I have a hard time with. I want to say Content but that isn't quite accurate. Maybe... perceptive?

City is diverse because our town is full of different ethnicities, experiences, and socio-economic levels. Plus... we are a suburb of a large metropolitan area that can only add to the diversity that I see on a daily basis.

Workplace is dynamic because I don't have just one place I go on a regular basis. My field is changing and my office is making big changes.

Home is where I feel the most stable and protected.

One of the criticisms frequently leveled at this book is that it is "self-absorbed" and that its author is "selfish." Interestingly, these same labels have also been applied to infertiles, particularly those of us who blog about our infertility. Do you think this criticism is warranted in either case (i.e., by the book/author and by infertiles/infertility bloggers)? Do you think being an infertile and a blogger influenced your reaction to the book? In what ways?

I believe that the genre of this book is essentially a personal journal/memoir. To deem it selfish and self absorbed is just stating the obvious and attacking something for the essence of itself. That was the purpose of the journey... to find out about herself. She wouldn't not have been able to do that without being introspective. Blogs are personal journals for many IF'rs. Is an infertile anymore selfish in their writing then a mommyblogger focusing on their family or a foodie who is pronouncing their recipe the best? I don't believe so. The reason I read blogs is to see into people's lives. Blogging about your personal journey is not selfish in my opinion.

Honestly, since I thought this was supposed to be a "pepper" book and because I was trying to read it for it's own merit, I didn't feel that my reaction was fueled at all as an infertile. While I agree that infertility does influence many areas of my life, I am trying really hard not to look at everything from the perspective of an infertile woman. I honestly didn't really connect any of the book to infertility until I received the questions.

The author learns Italian for the pure love of it (no real practical reason). Have you wanted to learn something just for the pure sake of the knowledge? Did you pursue it and how did it make you feel once you had done it?

I would have to say that the last time I tried this was with Finite Math. I took the class with my then boyfriend--now my DH. Not because I needed it, but just because I never had the chance to take it previously. I finished the class and was considering taking calculus just because but then decided I should start taking classes that might help make a career move instead. It was a successful class for me and it reminded me that when I focus on something I can do it even if I don't think so. I miss that state of learning just for learning and hope that I can figure out how to take something else interesting soon.

Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at Stirrup Queens ( You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: Baby Trail by Sinead Moriarty (with author participation).

If you are interested...

weightloss post up over here

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Interesting conversation

As stated previously, I am currently in Physical therapy for my hip/back issue. My previous therapist ended up in the hospital on bedrest for the remainder of her pregnancy because she went into preterm labor. The baby really doesn't have much more room and the pregnancy is really stressing her petite body out. I am sure that she is not happy about it but she has been given the choice to deliver when she wants to at this point. So far she has resigned to the hospital imposed bedrest for at least the time being. I do hope that everything goes well for her and that she is blessed with a wonderful, healthy baby. But...

This meant that I was transferred to a different therapist. The transition has been fairly smooth so far as I only had a few sessions with the original therapist. Until yesterday the conversation was fairly pleasant and non intrusive. But we were talking about family since she used to live in the town that my husband grew up in and where we lived for the first two years of our marriage. However, yesterday the topic somehow turned to children and what not. When I explained that we were the only ones on DH's side without children (immediate family only) of course she said well sounds like it is about time for you... blah, blah. So I explained that we can't have children and that we are looking into adoption. (No, this is not an exaggeration, we are actually narrowing down the agencies to attend intro meetings to before the end of the year. We would have already gone to three but the times conflicted with the wedding and other commitments so we are hoping to catch at least one in September.)

Anyhow then she asked what PCOS was and what about IVF, yadda yadda. Of course she had a successful IVF story and shared her opinion about the dangers of adoption. She also shared how one of her extended family members was thrilled with her life since she decided not to adopt because of their fears of horrible children. Kid you not, she said that. Why is it that people think that a few bad experiences are the only stories out there? I am so thankful for the bloggers I read that have wonderful adoption experiences. Do I think that it is all going to be roses and sunshine? Heck no, but what DH and I have both learned from our families is that even bio children have issues and can make your life a living nightmare. There are no guarantees in raising children except that you are guaranteed the ride of your life in one way or another.

The backlash of this conversation continued into the evening when we went out to dinner. We are well... enthusiastic Cub fans to say the least. We didn't really have much planned for this weekend and too see the park empty in Florida really disappointed me. We could have packed up and gone. See, this is supposed to be an advantage to not having children they say... being impulsive and traveling whenever, where ever. But-- that is not our mindset. We have other responsibilities that preclude us from living some wild, jetset, childfree life. We tried to make it work but the available flights didn't work to allow us to at least complete part of our to do list and make it to appointments on Monday... ya know- work and such. Plus the cost was deemed prohibitive to us. We are just too darn frugal to be jet setting free living people I guess, especially at this time with the questionable future of my career. Not that I don't dream of these adventures, I do but to actually make the move and go for it? Not within my wiring, however, if it was a road trip away, it probably would have been fine.

The conclusion that I have come to over the past few months has been that there are personalities that are best suited for willingly living childfree. I have friends that have chosen this path (you all know who you are and I totally respect your decisions) and are well suited for this lifestyle. Their desires and goals are healthy. They are nurturing in other ways and have loads of wonderful characteristics. Unfortunately I just don't see those traits in myself. No matter what I am doing, or who I am dealing with, I have moments of "mothering". I have tried to change. Really, I have thought that we could just be the fun aunt and uncle as a mode to move on. And while, I still would love that title (DH has fun uncle title-- me, not so much), it is not all that I hoped to be. I really think that people are wired to be what they are supposed to be. Even when the most unlikely characters become parents, their true selves are show in their interactions with their children. We witnessed it during the prewedding dinner. One of the most unlikely people to be a good dad someday was just that... a wonderful dad. I know that children are not the key to happiness... having kids is mucho trabajar... but in the end if that is what is meant for our family, we need to "Make it so". I guess it is time to live up to the declaration I made at the lunch table when I was 16... "I won't ever be pregnant, I am going to adopt". I just wish it was as easy as that declaration was back then.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Home again...

We are home again. The wedding was nice but a bit harried. they tried to be laid back about the whole thing but that backfired in some cases. It turned out fine and everyone had a good time. They are happy and in the end, that is all that matters.

Today, I have my ultrasound later on and I am a bit nervous. I know that I won't find out anything today but with all of this pain on the right side it only makes me wonder if it is more than just the muscle that the PT thinks that it is. Hopefully this will help figure it out. I have been weepy for the past week. I thought at first it was just PMS and then I just put it off on the wedding. Now I am just putting it off to still being tired. For some reason I could not sleep the night after the wedding so I ended up 36 hours on 2.5 hours of sleep. The second hour wasn't until after we got home Saturday evening. I have been having issues with sleep for the last few weeks but I hope that it will ease up soon. I haven't really changed anything so I am not sure what could be causing this mild insomnia. I know my hormones are out of whack so maybe it is all just due to that issue.

anyways... I guess I really should get some work done today. Happy Monday!

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Wicked Storm...

We had another wretched storm roll through last night. Everything is intact, which we are very thankful for because it was brutal. It was very strange because the storm siren went off, the emergency alert black screen went on, and then the power went off all within less than 5 minutes. Don't get me wrong, we have lost power before, but this was just strange. DH thinks that they cut the power so that people would get to safety but I don't know if they do that. While others are still without power this morning though, our power returned once the storm settled down about 1.5 hours later.

We live in an attached home on a slab. The best place during a tornado warning is in the powder room. Since we love our cat we make sure that he is in there with us. Last night was the longest that we have had to stay in there... probably 45 minutes before things were calm enough to leave. It didn't help matters that we kept hearing things hit the house so we just stayed where we were. While we were in the powder room, our cat was roaming around and hollering. He got really vicious for a few minutes but we think that dh must have been on his tail on accident. You see... we don't have an emergency kit. So, we had only had the light of a cell phone to see by. Fun. DH finally decided that we could leave the powder room when kitty decided to defecate in the sink. Yep... of all the places, he picked the best one besides the toilet. Since I was sitting on that it wasn't possible. So... he is a smart one. He is one stinky kitty and there is no vent in that room so I was glad the bulk of the storm was over. After it really calmed down, we walked around outside since it sounded so vicious. What we discovered was that once again, the people next door left their garage door up during a storm. This happened in the winter during a nasty blizzard. The wind hits all the things they have on the walls of their garage and it sounds like debris hitting our house. Hopefully, the mom got ticked off that the garage door was open when she got home so it might not happen again. But it sure did add to the stress of the storm this time.

GYN appt...

So I guess I should face the music on this one. I had my annual checkup last week. It took me a few days to process the information and the lack of progress. You see, my GYN stated that there is pretty much no reason to do an HSG because my hormones are so out of whack that even if everything fell into place I won't get pregnant or stay pregnant. Since I can't take BCP due to my blood pressure the only way that my hormones will get regulated is by losing weight. Yep... it all comes down to me being fat again.

I do have a pelvic ultrasound scheduled for Monday just to make sure that there isn't anything where it isn't supposed to be and we shall go from there. Maybe when those results come back I can ask about looking further since this constant spotting is driving me nuts. Or as she calls it "excessive mensturation".

So she requested that I go see an endo to see what else can be done and to have all the labs updated through them... however? Since I was concerned about insurance issues I didn't schedule the appointment until after this one and guess what? The first available isn't until the week before Christmas. While the wait is less than it was last time I tried to get into this doctor, it still seems crazy to wait that long. I could call my old endo and get in within 2 weeks but I can't do that... I just can't! He and his office drive me nuts and stress me out. They are so disorganized. so what to do? Try and find another endo outside of this clinic? I find it hard to believe that they only have one endo when they have about 20 internal med doctors and 10 family practice. The other clinic had one endo and 6 doctors and he still had a hefty patient load.

I'm on the cancellation list... maybe after this wedding coming up I will search for a new one but right now I have to scramble to get caught up and then clean the house for the pet sitter.