Things I learned over the holidays...

1. That I really did need new boots

2. Time management is really important

3. That not every recipe is written correctly

4. That while my husband may not have cried much over his father's death, he sure is angry about it.

5. That I can't fix that and it sucks

6. Sometimes a change of scene makes it seem okay and that might not be the best way to deal with things.

7. Even five year olds feel grief deeply

8. Extra cherries and staying in your pj's don't fix it for the whole day

9. Supportive family members are the best family members

10. Divorce really does take a long time even though life goes on during it.

11. Facebook can be good for some people

12. While enjoying others children, it really is ok to cry

13. A clean house really does make us feel better

14. An not so pretty trinket box really can be a great gift when a five year old picks the same thing out for her Nana.

15. That my feet probably won't be warm again until April

Book Challenge Final Update

1. Aloha: Four inspiring novellas
2. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
3. New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
4. Love Afloat: Four inspiring novellas
5. Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer
6. Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
7. Gossip Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar
8. Inside Out Girl by Tish Cohen
9. Amy and Isabelle by Elizabeth Strout
10. To Live Until We Say Goodbye by Elisabeth Kubler Ross
11. Singing Songs by Meg Tilly
12 Invasion by Robin Cook
13. Owning Jolene by Shelby Hearon
14. Rough Draft by James Hall
15. A Town Called Ruby Prairie by Annette Smith
16. A New Day At Tanglewood by Annette Smith
17. A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray
18. The South Beach Heart Health Program
19. Charlotte Leaves the Light On by Annette Smith
20. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas by John Boyne
21. Moose: A Memoir of Fat Camp by Stephanie Klein
22. Upstate by Kalisha Buckhanon
23. Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling
24. Deadly Dance by MC Beaton
25. Bitter End by Christine Kline
26. The Care and Feeding of Unmarried Men by Christie Ridgway
27. Plain Jane by Fern Micheals
28. Inappropriate Men by Stacy Ballis
29. Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling
30. Black Flames by David Pearlman
31. Queen of Babble by Meg Cabot (read this earlier this year but didn't record it anywhere.
32. The Trophy Wife by Diana Diamond
33. Queen of Babble in the Big City by Meg Cabot
34. Queen of Babble Gets Hitched by Meg Cabot
35. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling
36. The Great Christmas Bowl by Susan May Warren
37. Delivering Dr. Amelia by Dan Shapiro
38. Ask Again Later by Jill Davis


My favorites of the year: 8, 21, 27, 37, and the Queen of Babble Series

Not worth it really: 11,13,14,and 30

I met my goal of 35 books so I am happy about that and I finally started on Harry Potter so there are a few children who are happy about that as well.


This is for Dragondreamer's Lair Book Challenge

Merry Christmas...

May your day be full of Peace and a bit of Joy regardless if this is your holiday or not!

Why oh why...

Do crazy people pregnancy announcements always come on the day that AF decides to start... EARLY?

Top Chef: Las Vegas...

Aww! My guy didn't win... but I am glad that the competition is over. Seriously, this season was not all that thrilling even though they tried with the big rolling atmosphere of Las Vegas. I wasn't happy with the winner but alas it is usually the cocky one that wins.

Not watching Chef Academy, never finished watching this season of Hell's Kitchen. Hmm... maybe I am just losing my attraction to the competition cooking shows.

Links and Things...

Looking for some inspiration for cooking veggies? Here is a nice site that I came across the other day. There is a breakdown for WW and Low Carb veggie options. I tried one recipe from here already and I liked it... DH, sadly did not but that is because it was Carrots and Pomagrantes.

Remodeling your house? Check out this green remodeling resource for some great info on how to ReGreen.

Curious about why the New York State's Attorney was so upset about the Appraisal ordering process? Here is a good example of bad mortgage brokering These types of orders don't really exist now that the new rules were passed effective May 1st.

And now for a total humbug... a church is being sued for reaching out to the needy?

Sometime imitation is not a good thing... how sad.

Weighty matters

Well, I have tried to challenge my husband to lose weight. Our tenth wedding anniversary is next year in July. I am seeing some small successes lately and actually think that if I put more effort into it that I could see my wedding weight or close to it by then. I have PCOS with IR and that makes losing weight much more difficult but I am being diligent about taking my Metformin. I am going back up to 1500mg now so we shall see what happens.

I have been blogging about daily weightloss stuff over here mostly just food journals and stuff but it helps to be more accountable. So if you are looking for weightloss info... that is where you will find it.

Joining in a recipe exchange...

Just joining in a quick recipe exchange that is being hosted over here

Easy Dump Cake

My husband loves this stuff and it is super simple to make.

* 1 yellow cake mix
* 1 small can of crushed pineapple
* 1 can of cherry pie mix
* 1 stick of butter or margarine~melted

In a 9x13 pan, empty the cherry pie filling and the crushed pineapple. Stir together. In a separate bowl empty your cake mix and then slowly add the melted butter in batches. Mix the butter in so that the cake mix form crumbles but not a liquid. Pour the crumbles over the pie filling. Bake at 350 for about 30 minutes or until the crumbles are golden brown. Serve with your choice of whipped topping.
You can also mix up the flavor of cake mix and pie filling. We like spice cake with apples, chocolate with cherry, and blueberry with yellow.

Enjoy.

Hmmm...

Maybe there is hope for me yet. There are currently more Christmas decorations up around here than anytime in the last 5 years. The cat broke the tree our first Christmas here and I just stopped playing the game. No one to appreciate it anyhow, we don't exchange gifts, we don't entertain... etc, etc.

I might just have some Holiday spirit this year. Hmmmm....

Links and Things...

Ack! Eggo shortage to last until next summer! What to do, what to do... guess get out the waffle iron and make some double and triple batches for the freezer.

Are you a foodie? Top Chef Fan? Have you entered this sweepstakes yet? Trip for two to the Food and Wine Classic in Aspen It ends today it looks like so enter fast.

Have you watched this show yet? I have the first episode on the dvr but haven't watched it yet.

Right now I am just dabbling in getting back to reading blogs, commenting, and writing again. Not sure what my identity is at the moment so just going to do what I originally wanted... all bits of me.

Happy Friday!

Book Challenge update

1. Aloha: Four inspiring novellas
2. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
3. New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
4. Love Afloat: Four inspiring novellas
5. Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer
6. Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
7. Gossip Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar
8. Inside Out Girl by Tish Cohen
9. Amy and Isabelle by Elizabeth Strout
10. To Live Until We Say Goodbye by Elisabeth Kubler Ross
11. Singing Songs by Meg Tilly
12 Invasion by Robin Cook
13. Owning Jolene by Shelby Hearon
14. Rough Draft by James Hall
15. A Town Called Ruby Prairie by Annette Smith
16. A New Day At Tanglewood by Annette Smith
17. A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray
18. The South Beach Heart Health Program
19. Charlotte Leaves the Light On by Annette Smith
20. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas by John Boyne
21. Moose: A Memoir of Fat Camp by Stephanie Klein
22. Upstate by Kalisha Buckhanon
23. Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling
24. Deadly Dance by MC Beaton
25. Bitter End by Christine Kline
26. The Care and Feeding of Unmarried Men by Christie Ridgway
27. Plain Jane by Fern Micheals
28. Inappropriate Men by Stacy Ballis
29. Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling
30. Black Flames by David Pearlman


This is for Dragondreamer's Lair Book Challenge

I have 5 left to meet my goal and 2 left to match last year.


Posted by Deb at 9/24/2009 03:38:00 PM

Story Lines and other things

Is anyone else annoyed at some of the television this season?

I liked Glee until today when I watched the latest episode. I guess I should say, I only watched part of it this time around. The hysterical pregancy story line didn't really tick me off until this episode when her sister said they would just buy them a baby and not tell the husband. But the final draw was the teenage hot tub pregnancy that occured through swimsuits and no penetration. yea... maybe that resolved itself but the fact that it would even be presented as an option just pissed me off so I turned off the rest of the episode.

The other one that really disappointed me was Accidentally on Purpose. I knew the storyline ahead of time and still thought maybe it might be an interesting and funny half hour but it is pretty predictable and well, not that funny.

In other observations, I was very suprised to see that Parks and Recreation came back for another round while Life was cancelled. Big Bang Theory started off with a bang and so did Two and Half Men. I have Grey's on the dvr to watch along with the new NCIS spin off.

Is there anything new on that I might be missing? It seems like there are at least 3nights a week that we will need to find something else to watch or do. It's not necessarily a bad thing as long as I don't allow myself to be sucked into the bad tv just to fill the time. Pretty soon Drop Dead Diva and Army Wives will be over so I think I might see if the library has Brothers and Sisters on dvd as I did like it when I watched it before I just always missed it when it was on. We are still working through 24 so that is an option and we are a season behind on House as well. It just seems like I am missing something about this new tv season. Not sure if it is the simple fact that NBC reduced their lineup by adding Jay Leno at 9pm or what the deal is but maybe I will find something else to fill my time that will be worthwhile. Can't be half bad right?

Book Challenge Update

1. Aloha: Four inspiring novellas
2. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
3. New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
4. Love Afloat: Four inspiring novellas
5. Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer
6. Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
7. Gossip Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar
8. Inside Out Girl by Tish Cohen
9. Amy and Isabelle by Elizabeth Strout
10. To Live Until We Say Goodbye by Elisabeth Kubler Ross
11. Singing Songs by Meg Tilly
12 Invasion by Robin Cook
13. Owning Jolene by Shelby Hearon
14. Rough Draft by James Hall
15. A Town Called Ruby Prairie by Annette Smith
16. A New Day At Tanglewood by Annette Smith
17. A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray
18. The South Beach Heart Health Program
19. Charlotte Leaves the Light On by Annette Smith
20. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas by John Boyne
21. Moose: A Memoir of Fat Camp by Stephanie Klein
22. Upstate by Kalisha Buckhanon
23. Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling
24. Deadly Dance by MC Beaton
25. Bitter End by Christine Kline

This is for Dragondreamer's Lair Book Challenge

BBBT-MOOSE

Moose Questions



How did the author's weight transformation impact your view of her story (she looks quite svelte on the book jacket)? Did it give credence because she "conquered" her weight? Or did her story become more dismissible because she conformed to what society says looks good?

The picture on the jacket did not impact my view of her journey at all. The title of the book implies that her weight struggle was during her school age years, not as an adult. What made her story a bit more difficult for me to take was that (and I haven't finished the last chapter...so this may be wrong) her journey wasn't a healthy one. She was plagued with various weight loss attempts that were unhealthy. Not just fads but simply not eating. When people see that this is how someone lost weight and they don't discuss the health consequences that come from these type of attempts it frustrates me more than someone writing about being over weight as a child and not as an adult. If the last chapter addresses this than disregard :) as I ran out of time.

How did it make you feel when Stephanie's dad laughed at her being called a 'Moose'? Were you parents/guardians supportive of you during hard times/bullying/weight issues or did they just laugh at you like Stephanie’s father?

I was surprised that her father was so openly cruel at times about her weight. The puffing of the cheeks when he felt she was eating to much and his reaction to the nickname Moose. While I realize that parents have faults, I hope that they are someone's biggest cheerleaders more than their chief criticizers.

My father was supportive of weight loss efforts. My mother, she tended to criticize
more than support. Partially, I believe, because on her side of the family most of the people are obese. These days she is far more supportive but that is because she is facing her own weight loss struggles.

Stephanie describes how she would picture herself slim, and how that image did not look like her at all. Did you/do you picture yourself slim and if so who do you model yourself on? Are you realistic when you image the slim you or do you picture someone you could never be like?

When I picture myself slim, I have a precise image in my head. I can't picture myself any lower than my college graduating weight. That was the lowest I weighed as an adult. These days though that weight is my goal and I know what that looks like. I know when I was at that weight, I struggled with what slimmer would look like. I still needed to lose at least 30lbs at that point. I do think that my image is very realistic. I belong to a weight loss message board and I tend to be the one to remind people that their journey's are long and that the final destination may look very different than what they imagine. Maybe that is because I know what my goal will look like as I have been there before.

On page 115, Stephanie reads that Leigh is trying a new fad to help her lose weight. She is wrapping her tongue with Saran Wrap because she heard that the tongue absorbs most of the calories. Reflecting on your own experiences with losing/maintaining weight or those close to you, what is the weirdest method/diet program that you have ever tried/heard of? What were the results? How did it impact your future attempts at losing/maintaining weight?

Some of the strange things I have done include massaging my fat rolls to break up the fat faster, taking cayenne pepper pills to speed up the metabolism, and trying some diet pills. None of these were permanent solutions. The massaging just left me with bruises and the others with heart burn. My few attempts to try a fad diet or item made me realize that there realize is no quick fix. I have to do this the old fashioned way of eating less and moving more. I try to be patient with those I hear about using crazy methods because I know that it comes out of desperation to see the results that are desired. Someday I will get there....






Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at Stirrup Queens (http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com). You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: It Sucks, And Then I Cried by Heather Armstrong (aka Dooce).

Book Challenge Update

1. Aloha: Four inspiring novellas
2. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
3. New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
4. Love Afloat: Four inspiring novellas
5. Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer
6. Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
7. Gossip Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar
8. Inside Out Girl by Tish Cohen
9. Amy and Isabelle by Elizabeth Strout
10. To Live Until We Say Goodbye by Elisabeth Kubler Ross
11. Singing Songs by Meg Tilly
12 Invasion by Robin Cook
13. Owning Jolene by Shelby Hearon
14. Rough Draft by James Hall
15. A Town Called Ruby Prairie by Annette Smith
16. A New Day At Tanglewood by Annette Smith
17. A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray
18. The South Beach Heart Health Program
19. Charlotte Leaves the Light On by Annette Smith
20. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas by John Boyne

This is for Dragondreamer's Lair Book Challenge

57% towards my goal

Please consider...

Clicking over here and voting for the Paul Ruby Foundation. This is a local Parkinson's Research Foundation. They help to fund a local Parkinson's Disease and Movement Disorder center.

Thank you for your time.

Maybe I am Jaded

I fully recognize and believe that there are mortgage brokers that pushed the envelope, broke the rules, and blatantly lied to their clients.

I fully recognize and believe that there are people losing their homes due to medical crisis, deaths of spouses, and severe job loss.


But these people do not make up all of the problems with the mortgage industry. If these situations are more than 50% of the problem I would be surprised. At any time, there will be people defaulting on their mortgages due to scenario #2. It happens in good economic times and it happens it bad. There are always foreclosures around. They just aren't in every neighborhood as we are seeing now. Places that weren't faced with foreclosures before are finding that people can't pay their bills.

I fully recognize that George W. sent out the "shopping" orders after 9/11 and continued to send out that message with every tax rebate.

Maybe it is just my not so unique place in the mortgage transactions that I have come to spot the abuse of borrowers.

The home across the street is in foreclosure because the husband couldn't bear to share the equity with his soon to be exwife. His sister lives two houses away on the same block. He hurt not only his own credit, his soon to be ex's credit, but his sisters home value by defaulting just because he could.

A not to be named family member, who really should know better, has liquidated all of the equity in his home to pay off credit card debt. At one point, he had over 50% equity in his home... today, he will be lucky to have 20% and that is with a newly finished basement. All because he and his wife find it necessary to buy stuff, do stuff, and eat out more than they can afford. They make more than your average American but if things get really tight, they no longer have anything to fall back on since they don't save any money either. Yet, these same individuals plan on selling their house next year and buying a new one at 1.5x+ the current value of their home just simply so their daughter won't ever have to be the new girl at school. They currently live within one of the top rated school districts in the state yet, they know won't be able to afford to buy a home in their current neighborhood. But, not changing schools in the future is far more important than starting off in one of the best kindergartens in the area.

A man took out $100,000 in equity on his home and with that money put nothing into the house. He spent it all on other things like vacations and toys. He didn't fix the water damage in the basement or the kitchen floor that has disintegrated. He didn't repair the broken window but instead he bought his son a car.

A couple took out 125% of the value of their new home and spent the extra on furniture, not on updating the 1950's kitchen which their loan officer, appraiser, and agent suggested. Today... they are lucky if their home is worth what they paid for it but they are still upside down. They thought their home value had caught up by now so that they had a profit. They wanted to take out the extra cash to go on vacation. Apparently they thought they deserved their home to go up in value just by painting the living room.

A woman, recently divorced, decided that she really didn't want to put any of the divorce settlement money into her house. She would just take a home equity loan to pay for the new carpet and roof that she needed. She spent the settlement money on a new car and a cool new bedroom set. Now that roof is leaking profusely and she can't come up with the money necessary to pay for it. The bank chopped the appraisal because of the market conditions and she no longer has enough wiggle room to take any money out to pay for that roof. If the roof doesn't get repaired, more damage with ensue. Because of her divorce, she doesn't have a credit card with a large enough limit to pay for the roof. Had she paid for the car with a loan instead of all cash, she would be able to replace the roof.

These are just a few examples. I have many others like the people who just decided to rip out all of their carpeting but then discovered they had no way to pay for it. Try getting a loan with no flooring in your house right now. Not a very good risk to take at the moment.

Yes, lending has gotten tighter. But now, everyone is being punished for the people who made bad decisions. There are very few suburbs in my area where the value is not declining on most property types. There are some areas where the only sales to comp out a home are short sales and foreclosures, not an ideal comparison.

Bad brokers, Bad Agents, Bad Appraisers, are the cause of part of the problem. Bad decisions by the borrowers is also part of the problem. A person getting buying a home or mortgaging a home needs to be realistic with their income. When we bought our house 6 years ago, we were qualified for way more house than we could afford. Our broker didn't push the issue because we told him outright that we were only going to pay a maximum of x dollars per month. When we refinanced, we wouldn't even consider an ARM unless it was a 7 or 10 year fixed ARM. Good thing that we listened to our guts and stuck with a 30 year fixed. We will be lucky to be out of here by 2011 when that ARM would have been up.

Don't forget that part of the problem is that many Americans feel that buying stuff is proof that they are good people. Many people have spent the last 4 years, refinancing their mortgage in January to pay off Christmas Credit Card debt instead of just scaling down. I have seen some obscene Christmas gift purchases and it has really taken the joy out of the holiday for me. Gone are the days when kids got clothes and necessary items for Christmas. Now adays if you don't have an IPOD by the time you are 10, you are practically considered abused. This is part of the fundamental problem. Many people think that $100 is no longer an extravagant amount of money.

Yet, not many have learned even through the last several months of issues. As soon as the rates dropped, those that needed to pay off credit cards were right back at it again. Not everyone that refinanced this spring had debt to pay off but many were talking about everything they were going to do with the "free" money they were getting. The worst part about this is that it shows just how uneducated and unaware many of the masses are... there are still people who believe that their home is worth more than it was last year or the year before. Every week I find one that thinks that because it is their home it must be better than Barney Rubble's next door. Not true folks... it just isn't always the case.

Yes, I am jaded. Some people just will never understand because they are too absorbed in their own lives to look out and see what is going on around them.

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow starts a new month. A month of possiblilities. A month of potential.

Tomorrow a brave woman under goes a double mastectomy and can only hope that the big gaping holes in her chest will heal quickly.

Tomorrow I find out if I will ever breathe deeply again with out pain.

Tomorrow... hopefully the sun with shine down on both of us Tomorrow.

Gone Fishing....

boring update

So next week we are going on vacation. It feels kind of like cheating since I haven't worked much this month as it is between playing catchup from being behind when my FIL was killed and then not getting much work because I was so far behind. I am hoping and praying that July is busier. If it isn't, then such is life but if August is slow too then I need to find something else to do. I may have to suck it up and get a back to school job anyhow and to do that I need to work in July. So... who knows. Right now, I am not using my time well and I really need to be better at that if things are slow in July.

My husband fell and fractured his elbow and broke something in his wrist on the day of his father's funeral. He went without it casted for 5 or more days but has been in a cast since that first week home. The first week he was in a long arm cast, which, even though I have never had one, has to be one of the most uncomfortable casts possible. Now he is in a short arm cast but he won't be out of it for at least 3 weeks. Which reminds me, I need to make that appointment.

So anyhow, we go on vacation and then the first 3 days we are back, we have doctors appointments. I have two and he has one. Not sure which of us will get the worst of it though. He needs to get a cavity filled but I am going in for a consult with the lung dr about the ct scan I had in May. Should be fun, fun, fun!

Still not feeling creative which is why this is an extremely boring post. I need to get moving on a special project. Maybe I can enlist the kids to help me over the week this week. Hmm... that might now be a bad idea.

Book Challenge

1. Aloha: Four inspiring novellas
2. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
3. New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
4. Love Afloat: Four inspiring novellas
5. Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer
6. Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
7. Gossip Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar
8. Inside Out Girl by Tish Cohen
9. Amy and Isabelle by Elizabeth Strout
10. To Live Until We Say Goodbye by Elisabeth Kubler Ross
11. Singing Songs by Meg Tilly
12 Invasion by Robin Cook
13. Owning Jolene by Shelby Hearon
14. Rough Draft by James Hall
15. A Town Called Ruby Prairie by Annette Smith

This is for Dragondreamer's Lair Book Challenge

Hanging in...

I'm here. Just slowly moving towards a new yet the same ol' life. Things have been nuts. The bathroom is still not done. Yes, we are in week 4. My husband broke his elbow and now most likely his wrist on the day of his father's funeral. We didn't find out until we got back on the Saturday after since we didn't check the messages at home while we were gone. He at least is in a short cast now so it is a bit more comfortable but not much.

Other cruddy things have happened since we got back and I just don't want to focus on the negative right now. Things that are pretty scarey and I know that I will need to face in the near future but I still am not sleeping that great and don't need anymore incentive not to sleep. I did actually have a bit of a binge yesterday so I guess my not eating is over. Now I just need to get back to taking my meds....

I have no creative juices for a title right now...

This Memorial Day Weekend has not turned out in anyway that was perceived as imaginable at this point last week. I never expected the call that I got on Friday and I never expected to be in my husband's hometown planning his father's funeral. He was tragically killed and we still don't know all of the details. While understanding what happened is important sometimes it isn't what you want to hear.

Through this weekend I have seen a different side of most of his family. His mother has been much stronger than I would have been at this time. Her kids make her stronger. I fear for the time when no one is here and she can't cope.

My brother in law took on the role expected as the oldest son. I wasn't sure that he would do that. He distances himself often from his family and so it could have been that he didn't want to do anything. Yet, he is still having issues coping.

My sister in law is not the independent feminist woman I expected her to be. She is much more like her mother than she cares to admit at times.

My other sister in law, while complaining about how things need to be so they are not inconvenient for her and her family has actually taken a hands off role which I wasn't sure would happen.

My husband... is stronger than he admits and has more courage than he would ever believe. I wouldn't have wanted him to leave my side during this time but maybe his family helps that since I don't have siblings to lean on.

Me, I still am selfish. I was whining about not wanting to visit my inlaws this weekend because of his mother's smoking. We didn't go last weekend because I didn't want to be rushed on getting the bathroom ready. I am selfish and now I caused my husband and myself to have several weeks go by without seeing his parents. Now Thursday we will see his father displayed and then determine if he is presentable to the public.

This is not how this weekend should have been. This is not how I would have imagined it. I hate that I am not at my husbands side to help hold him up but hopefully his family is doing the best they can.

In the middle...

of about a gazillion things and while I would love to talk about some of them, I just plain can't so here I sit silent. What I can say is that right now:

* We don't have a working shower

* The contractor is already behind and we are coming up to a holiday weekend

* I don't want to go to visit certain family members without a working shower

* Unless we can get a hotel room after the fact

* That is mean but unfortunately the truth

* We have tons of fruits and veggies to use this week

* We don't have a working shower and only one toilet... AF is attempting to stop by on time this month

* Right now there is a pile of garbage on our lawns and I can only assume that half of the neighbors are silently cursing us out about it

* the other half maybe jealous that we are getting a new bathroom... or they may not be

* I am nervous that in the end it isn't going to look half as good as it does in my head

* I like having a grill---just trying to feel it out and sometimes this leads to charred food

* I have a bout of pleurisy and can't breath very deep right now without pain

* This also leads me to not wanting to visit said family members but have no choice in the matter currently as it has been put off the last two weeks

* I probably shouldn't have said this much

Things creeping me out these days...

1. The little girl on the toliet in the new Target commerical... EWWW and so unnecessary.

2. The waiters hitting on my husband...enough said.

3. The fact that we have ants in our upstairs bathroom.

4. The idea that the best man at our wedding... who just got married in August will be a parent before we will.

5. The construction trucks driving up and down our street, sometimes like they are just circling the block.

6. That it is already May 12th..........

Not sure...

how I feel about this but I donated my facebook status to RESolve today but I did modify the statement that they had as I just didn't like the wording. I highly doubt that anything will be said about it because most of my family subscribes to the "don't talk about it" camp and it seems that I know a lot of overtly fertile people that it will probably make uncomfortable. But such is life... why do I have to feel like I have to suffer in silence through this? We already are not doing anything about it treatmentwise, do I have to pretend that I am childless by choice too?

Oh well, it is what it is.......

Crabby Patty's

My "bad" mood of the last ooo week or so finally has a reason. AF showed her face. Not the 40+ cycle of last month so that is good but still a few days late. I wasn't panicking though this time and didn't even test.

We decided on a contractor for our bathroom. I can only hope that we made the right decision. I think it will be okay. He has worked in our subdivision before that is a big plus because we have cheaply built homes and not everything makes sense. If someone at least knows that ahead of time, things tend to go easier. Plus it will be good to have another local contractor to rely on instead of just the one that we normally use. We didn't have him bid the job because I honestly thought he had gone out of business but we saw him at our neighbors the other day. When the time comes he is going to install the new siding on the house. I just wish that we could plow through all of this stuff and spend everything we can now to get as much done. We probably should have done that before but the money is going to be spent eventually. It is so hard to balance it out though in our house because there are issues inside and out. I still think part of the reason our neighbors hate us is because the outside of our house is ugly but what can we do.

Someone is mowing their lawn behind us.... how much you want to bet..... eh, oh well, the south yards have been growing faster. DH will hopefully be able to do the first trim at least this weekend as the grass around the fence has grown in much faster than the rest of the yard. If he won't, then I will have to find time to do it......... and then be pissed off again.

I threw some black beans in the crockpot this morning. I have rice cooking up in the cooker with some rotel. I hope that dinner comes out yummy!

Have a happy rest of the hump day!

Things....

The bathroom project is progressing though I am a bit ticked at the contractor at the moment. He is supposed to come by to quote some additional work and he was going to call back yet, we haven't heard from him.

The foot doctor appointment went well. He gave me a very painful cortisone shot and hopefully between that and the xrays we are on the way to a diagnosis. I go back in 3 weeks unless they call me about the results of the xrays.


I spent the weekend pretty cranky and just plain being mean to my husband. I need to stop that... I am miserable for many reasons but they are not all his fault. I want him to be able to solve it but he can't and that frustrates me that he can't, just within himself, make me happy.

Still on 1500mg of Metformin except when I try to take 2 in the am, 1 at lunch, and 1 at dinner to see if I can tolerate it... so far, I haven't made it very long with that schedule before something happens.

I am still forgetting to take my blood pressure pill each day. Need to get better at that. I know that when I take it, it makes a difference in how I feel.

Spaghetti with sausage sauce sounds good for dinner... wish we had some garlic bread to go with it------

Have a happy Monday evening!

Coming Clean

I haven't been doing too well lately. Not with exercising, food intake, or emotional well being you could say. My DH told me that I am overly anxious lately and I am hoping that once I am back on my blood pressure pills that might end. But I am sure that part of it is related to my weight, my work being overwhelming again, and the prospect of our friends baby.

I am hosting an online baby shower for her and getting information out of her husband is like pulling teeth. I have the site almost done so I am just going to send it off to him and have him send it out to whoever. DH and I are considering heading out there for that weekend so that we can help and see them one more time before the baby comes. We will be going out there at some point after she arrives also but haven't figured that out yet.

I made an appointment to see a foot doctor for Monday. I went to my GP yesterday and asked him where to start. He said to start with podiatry(sp) because they do specialize in the foot and ankle. If it is over their head they will refer me to ortho which is in the same office. I haven't been working out because my ankle is in constant pain. I can't live like this if there is a chance that they can fix it or at least alleviate part of the problem. I just hope that it doesn't resort to surgery because I will have to wait until the fall, even if they give me an "it will get worse and may not be fixable then" type of speech. I can't take that much time off of work and we have a family vacation at the end of June.

I hope that by addressing this long term issue with my ankle, I can get out of my funk. I still know that I need to control my eating and get back to posting things on my weightloss blog but what I want most is to go for a walk and not be in pain for the rest of the day.

Eh...

Working too much these days. Hate to say it but I have managed to watch the entire Sliders series off of Netflix while working. As everyone says, the first 3 seasons were the best but I didn't find it too terrible until the end of the 5th season. Plus I watched Nemesis Rising the Jacob and Joshua story or something, about two gay brothers trying to make it in the music business. Not that great... don't waste your time.

What else... Oh yea, I watched Dangerous Beauty. It was a historical movie about Courtesans and was pretty good. I also watched a classic Cary Grant movie that had me laughing quite a bit.

Dh doesn't understand how I can work and watch at the same time but I choose things carefully. If the storyline is too detailed that I can't do it since I am working and trying to sort out reports. But it really is no different than listening to the radio and then staring off into space for a few minutes when you are trying to concentrate on what they are saying.

Anyhow... nothing exciting around here.

Have a wonderful Easter!

ER-The Finale

Warning Spoiler Alert

Well I spent close to 4 hours crying last night. For all kinds of reasons. ER has been on longer than I have known my husband. It was there when I went away to college. I has been there through the darkest hours. While I still feel that it should have ended with the Abby and Luca's wedding and the uncertainty of the future of the hospital... the end, well, it made sense for the most part.

Things I wonder about/was annoyed about that were not resolved:

1. It annoyed me that the Carter/Kem relationship was not resolved. It annoyed me that he didn't even really talk to her. However, I do think that it was an accurate example of how hard things can be for some couples after losing a child.

2. Where was Dubenko? Where was that crazy bald headed surgical resident? Where was Malik? Where was Anspaugh, who has been talked about but not on all season...? I mean...even Lydia came back and she hasn't been on for a long while.

3. Why couldn't George Clooney get over it and do an interview for the retrospective? And if he did, how was there nothing that could be taken and used?

Other than these little things... it was an okay ending. Nothing strange or out of the ordinary. Just a typical day in the ER-not tied up in a neat little knot and that is probably the best way to leave it.

Update: Malik was there.. I just missed him the first time around. But one thing still bothers me that bugged me the first time that I didn't mention. The Carter that we came to know and love before he left for Africa, never, Never Ever, would have left that father standing in the pool of his wife's blood. To know that he did that and that she later died... Yeah, that doesn't jive with me so well.

its been that kind of week...

Today I saw a car roll up hill. I also had a migraine this morning that may have been caused by sleeping on the couch or it is related to the fact that my bra is attacking my nipples. Either AF is returning to her regular schedule this weekend or I am in for two long weeks of PMS. Not sure which would be better at this point.

Right now I just need to find the energy to concentrate on work so that I won't feel guilty watching *sob* the FINALE of ER.

Monday Sickness?

I am seriously starting to wonder if I have Monday sickness. Two weeks ago, I was over the top ill from increasing my Metformin. Last week... the stomach flu hit with avengence. This week, I feel like utter crap. My stomach hurts, I'm nauseous again, and add in a lovely headache.

Monday sickness... it needs to go away.

Blah--An annoying kind of day......TMI maybe.

Last week was an attack of the stomach flu. Seems to be better now but my stomach does still hurt occasionally. Not so bad today but had to resort to ginger ale to settle it down some. I have been trying to skip pop so that was more annoying that I couldn't make it a pop free day over how bad it was... I know, silly a bit.

Today is Cycle day 12 so spot is here! Yay! Hopefully it will be gone soon. So annoying that the cause and a solution can't be found. Who knows, maybe the stomachache is actually due to a cyst and now it is draining...

My father's family has found me on Facebook. It will be interesting to see how this goes. So far only two members have requested access to my profile. We shall see. I have a cousin in Peoria, IL that I have never met. I knew about her but things were always wierd because her father had remarried when she was young and had more children. For some reason though, she has been less estranged with the Aunts and Uncles than I have, there is still a lot of guilt there about my father I think. If I find out my Grandma died through Facebook..... ugh, I can't even go there.

I have chicken broth and chicken and dumplings cooking. It smells nice in here and I hope it turns out yummy.

Lots of work to do and well, I keep finding distractions to keep me from it. I don't want to deal with any of it but such is life.

May Monday be a good, productive, and snow free day for everyone.

If you are so inclined...

Please register and vote for this project and/or one of the others if you are so inclined. It is a really great idea and her self portraits/pictures were really beautiful.

Yes, it stinks that you need to register but if you are compelled please do so...

Thanks!

Book Challenge

my challenge reading list looks like this:

1. Aloha: Four inspiring novellas
2. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
3. New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
4. Love Afloat: Four inspiring novellas
5. Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer
6. Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
7. Gossip Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar
8. Inside Out Girl by Tish Cohen
9. Amy and Isabelle by Elizabeth Strout
10. To Live Until We Say Goodbye by Elisabeth Kubler Ross

This is for Dragondreamer's Lair Book Challenge

Ugh...

I went to the endo today. She is fine with leaving the metformin at 1500mg...whew! However, she is leaving at the end of June so back to the drawing board with a new dr. They don't know who is replacing her yet so who knows if they will be covered by our insurance. The other endo in this clinic isn't covered for some reason. Most of their drs are covered but a few here and there are not so I didn't make a follow up appointment. I need to make a note to call for a refill of the metformin in May so that I can wait as long as possible to see the new dr, though I have to have lab work in July so that may not work.

I really liked her too. Such a pain...

CD 43

And.....

AF showed. Oh well, at least I don't have to have the awkward conversation with my endo on Friday.

2000 mg of Metformin is making me ill. Skipped yesterday all together because switching back down to 1500mg on Monday still made me ill, although not as dizzy and much shorter duration of V & N, but ill nonetheless. Took it this morning and will keep going on.

Happy Hump Day!

......................................

Are we ever truely hopeless? Does hope ever die?

There have been many moments in my life that I have felt that way. I have been going along thinking what is the point. There is no hope.

Yet, with every new cycle, with every late period, with every little twinge in this huge o'l belly of mine... I grab onto this string that gets smaller with every passing day. Grabbing that string does nothing for me in the end but for some reason I can't stop reaching for that tiny piece of string.

This is where I sit... holding on to this tiny frayed string, logically knowing that everything that my body is doing is related to this medicine, but yet I can't let go. I can't let go of the idea that maybe all it took was one dr who totally believed that this medicine would make my body work the way it should. Logically I know that I haven't been on the med long enough to work things out. Yet, I can't let go. We have been trying since September of 2003 and yet all I want right now is for this tiny frayed bit of hope to turn into a wonderful little living, breathing, long awaited for 35th birthday present.

This, this is why I want AF to show before the dr appointment on Friday. I don't want her to further this little frayed string of hope needlessly. It is painful enough without the dr's help.

Metformin ER Update, maybe TMI

So, I was awfully nervous about taking metformin again. With good reason, the previous times that I have been on it, I had been ill all the time. I was only eating once a day and still having to visit the restroom in urgency all day long.

This time around, I have changed things up a bit. I have been avoiding the raw veggies during the ramp up portion of the dosing. I did finally have salad yesterday and no issues but I have been on the current dose of 1500mg for about 3 weeks now. I can't seem to get up to 4 pills per day. Every time I try I end up with horrible nausea and dry heaves in the morning. I go back to the endo next week and I know she will have something to say because my weight is up on the meds...not down. Part of that is that I have been on the Met long enough to have my cycle screwed up on it. I don't understand this and my other Dr could never explain why my typically 31-33 day cycles go to 44-48 and sometimes skip completely while I am taking the Metformin. Most women have the opposite reaction......their long cycles become shorter. The problem with the longer cycles is that my body still starts gaining "water weight" just as it would for a 31 day cycle and yet, she still isn't here yet.

So I am a bit down about that... my weight is within 7lbs of my highest. Yesterday... it was within 4lbs but I drank a bunch of tea and had asparagus to hopefully get rid of some of the sodium bloat and AF water. We will see what happens. I think I am going to try taking 2 in the am, 1 at lunch, and then 1 at dinner to see if that has any impact on the dry heaves and nausea. I have to work in the morning tomorrow but I gave myself a bigger window so that if there were issues I would have time to settle them down.

Things I have been doing differently this time that seem to be helping...

1. Eating a banana with my morning pills
2. Actually eating 3 meals per day even if I am worried about issues. When I skip breakfast and take my pills late I usually am in the bathroom for the rest of the day after lunch.
3. Taking my evening pills at dinner time instead of bedtime with a snack
4. Reducing my refined carb intake
5. Sticking to the no raw veggie rule for at least two weeks after a dose change.

so that's it.... I have to make an appt to see my GP about BP meds and then I see the endo in a week. Yay! :( Is it bad to say that I really hope AF shows before my appt with her so I don't have to hear her say I might be pregnant?

Project Runway...

So apparently, there was a season of Project Runway that was shot for the most recent fashion week but due to conflict between Bravo, Lifetime, and the show's producers who apparently pulled the show from Bravo without rights... it still is in the closet.

Here is the quote from the Wiki.....

"The as-yet unaired sixth season was the first season of Project Runway to be filmed in Los Angeles rather than New York. The season was filmed at the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising,[6] and pre-finale filming concluded on Friday, October 17, 2008.[7]

The sixth season had been announced to begin airing in January 2009 on Lifetime, but this did not occur. The announcement occurred before NBC Universal sought preliminary injunctive action effectively enjoining production. The launch may be further delayed due to Lifetime's request that the suit between NBC Universal and The Weinstein Co. be removed to federal court.[8][9][10] As of January 30, 2009, the court case is still in state court, with no trial date set.[11]

The three finalists of the sixth season showed their collections at New York Fashion Week at Bryant Park on February 20, 2009, but the finalist designers were not named and did not appear onstage. Their identities were kept secret to protect the suspense when and if the season airs on television.[12]"

Bah, and instead we will probably get another town of Real Housewives... yeah, because Atlanta was so great Pffft.

Fabio--Top Chef 5

.... Earlier in the day when the Reunion aired for the first time........

LOL! Fabio was just on The Bonnie Hunt Show which I rarely watch because she can be annoying to me but today with Charlie Gibson and Fabio I was LMAO.

Even the idea of Chocolate polenta didn't turn me off. Fabio was doing his typical, "I am Italian, I don't know much English" schtick and I had to laugh about his google comment.

....... After the reunion........

Anyhow... I am glad that he won fan favorite. Interesting that Leah and Hosea would be dating but only if he moves to New York. Seems like maybe they don't really want each other that much.


Casting has started for the next season!

Top Chef Finale--If you still haven't watched it...spoiler alert.

Yes, I waited a whole week to watch it. Things were a bit crazy and then I just didn't feel like it. I was able to avoid learning who one so that was good thing.

All I have to say is "Yay, no stephan" and "effing Casey", she choked in her own finale and then she just convinced Carla that things she had never done would work out well. Carla... you are smarter than that and you probably would have one if you hadn't of listened to chokey casey.

Now for the reunion. I did notice that Leah kissed Hosea on the lips but he pulled away during the congratulations at the end of the show.

Bah... now what do I watch ;)

Anyone have any idea when Project Runway 6 will be coming to Lifetime? I don't watch Lifetime all that much and I don't know if Bravo will be advertising it since I don't even have a clue if Lifetime is another NBC station or not.

Ramblings of a tired woman

Still here...

My mom had surgery last week so I was running between her house and mine for the past several days. Next weeks she starts back to work and has PT so I will be helping out with the driving until she can drive herself. My dad can drive her to PT this week since it is just that but my mom doesn't want to overtire him so one trip out is better than two since she works about a half hour from their house and she is going to PT near her office. Since her surgery went well and the issue wasn't quite what they thought, she has been having an easier recovery than anticipated. This is great and she will be returning to work about 2 weeks ahead of schedule. She will probably be back to work full time almost by the time she was just going to start back part time so her boss is very happy since no one knows how to do her job completely. While this is good in some respects, it also causes her a lot of stress. Just like my husband... no one else can do all that he does at his office so he has a really hard time letting go and taking time off.

I was dreaming of a warm weather getaway but we won't be able to pull it off. We were going to head to spring training but then my mom's surgery popped up. So then we were going to go to opening week in Houston. But, that appears to be out also. The bathroom, well, it has become the money suck of the moment. It needs to get redone and the more I look at things, the more I realize it is going to cost a bunch more than even I thought about. I wish we didn't have to spend the money but there really is no choice.

but... tonight, tonight I am wishing that our numbers hit on the mega millions. We are in a pool with a group of people but even if it means that we can't quit work completely, I wouldn't mind having the house paid off or even just the student loans. Or... well, I won't let my mind go there right now. I am trying to accept reality and it appears that childless is our reality.

Making strides on the book challenge....

I went from having finished one book the entire year to now I have finished 5 and 3 of them are pretty long. But they were fairly easy reading. I am now on book 4 of the Twilight Saga. Eh, they are alright but I don't get the whole hoopla by readers who are out of highschool. I definately do not understand the swooning women my age who are declaring their neverending love for Edward. I guess I am just not that type of reader, at least not for this series. I *might* see the movie but if I do will most likely netflix and not go to the theater.

Anyhow so far my challenge reading list looks like this:

1. Aloha: Four inspiring novellas
2. Twilight by Stephanie Meyer
3. New Moon by Stephanie Meyer
4. Love Afloat: Four inspiring novellas
5. Eclipse by Stephanie Meyer

1/7th of the way to my goal.

Just rambling

Such a Friday this is...

I am behind on work again and to be honest, I shouldn't be. It isn't nutso. It is just regular steady yet for some reason I can't focus. This has been going on all week. Part of my focusing issue is related to Facebook. The angst of why don't they want to be my "friends" blah blah going back to elementary school. The other part of why Facebook has me upset is the number of people that have recently gotten divorced. The people were married before me or around the time that we were married. These are couples that seemed happily married as recently as 6 months ago yet are labeled as single. I don't know why this has upset the apple cart so to speak for it is disturbing to me right now.

Service Announcement If your not Annie Skip

Hi! Annie from Finding Onderland...

I haven't been able to comment on your blog recently. Starting with the post from Jan 29th. Not sure if you changed something but it isn't working and I can't find your email address on your site or in my email files. I know I used to have it.

Anyhow... in case you are reading I wanted to get the message out to you.

Back to the regular programming........

Lentil Sausage Soup

I posted a yummy lentil soup recipe over here.

Thanks and goal progress...

Thanks for the birthday wishes. It was a good day. DH bought me a wii fit and also tickets to see Jersey Boys. I am going to admit that when I guessed the gift of the wii fit, I gave him a hard time about making me feel old and fat. That could be why then he ordered the Jersey Boys tickets but he says he had planned that anyhow. So in a few weeks we are going to be completely out of our element and going downtown on a Friday night. Then hopefully at some point over the weekend we will be going to lunch at a new place with Kristi and her hubby :) So that will make a good weekend after my mom has surgery on Fat Tuesday. She won't be able to do much for weeks so I really hope that winter has given over to just cold days and that no more snow is in our future but I highly doubt that.... it is Chicagoland.

Anyhow....

So I set some quarterly goals and so far I haven't made much progress on anything other than trying new recipes. I need to post the ones that were successful like Lentil Sausage Soup.

1.Read one classic book (I am trying to pick one from my stash and having a difficult time since I don't know what I want to start with!)

2.Read one nonfiction book (not about infertility) (Too bad Twilight doesn't count ;) )

3.Finish the office cleaning/organizing (It is so aggravating, the room is a mess again so almost need to start over... so ticked at both of us about this)

4.Work towards following South beach Phase 2---90% of the time ( I think I am just going to start counting carbs again but not fully decided yet)

5.Try 12 new recipes (including ones I make up as I go) I think that we have tried at least 7 new recipes and if I count the fondues that I am making today we will be at 9. I am also planning on a new recipe for dinner Monday night so then 10. This is really an easy one for me because we like variety.

6.Register for another session of Tai Chi (I am disappointed because they are on Monday nights or Saturday mornings again. I was hoping the day would change... I don't really want to take a Monday night class.)

7.Try Pho at Baaran's

8.Go to the Burpee Museum (We are heading to Rockford next weekend for dinner... hopefully we will get on the ball and go early so that we can knock this one off the list---*Hint, Hint* )

Okay... I am off to do a bit of Wii Fit training, laundry, and some prepping for our family dinner today. Have a wonderful Sunday!

Update

Lots going on lately....

1. The thyroid nodule is benign. Just need to keep an eye on it and get ultrasounds at least every 18 months to make sure it hasn't gone nutso.

2. Our friends are having a girl! They have named her and she may be here as early as April 23rd! But we hope that she waits until June like she should.

3. Above mentioned friends... they completely overwhelmed us by honoring us as the baby girl's Godparents. Guess I can't grumble this pregnancy any longer. Well, actually, I have accepted it completely and I am very excited for them regardless of how everything has gone down over the past 6 months.

4. Tomorrow! It is Friday the 13th! The start of Spring Training since Pitchers and Catchers report to Arizona!!! Oh yea, and I turn thirty freaking five.

5. No, my life isn't what I thought it would be by now but in the end I can't complain because it isn't so bad.

Book Challenge

I have been slooooow to getting back on the reading train this year. So far I have only finished 1 book but I am currently have started the first twilight book and am reading another anthalogy of love stories. Nothing major but it sure does feel better to spend some time doing something other than sitting at the computer :)

Anyhow, Kristin at Dragondreamer's Lair is holding a reading challenge. Do you have a goal of how many books you want to read this year? It can be any type of book? If you do, join in!

You can always see what I have been reading in my goodreads widget in the right sidebar.

Suggestions Please

We have a family dinner on Sunday and I picked out the menu but I need some final suggestions.

One of the items that I requested was loaded mashed potatoes but since we have picky eaters we are making a tray of toppings. So far I have the typical toppings of bacon, cheddar cheese, and green onions. We will probably have sour cream too. Can you think of any other toppings for mashed potatoes?

The other items that I need suggestion for is the dessert fondue. We are making the peanut butter dip from Crockpot lady and one of her chocolate fondues but I haven't decided which one yet. If you have tried a chocolate fondue that you really like, please share. I tested the peanut butter one and know that I need to double the recipe for the group.

Dippers I have in mind are:

Strawberries, marshmellows, graham crackers, bananas, shortbread cookies, apple slices

Any other favorite dipper?

Thanks!

I can never catch a break. I finally have some down time... The first full day off since Christmas and I doubt I will get much done. My head feels like it is going to explode. UghhHhhhh. I really need new glasses.

I am eating regular food again and will actually cook for the first time since Monday tonight. On the menu, pork chops with tomatoes over rice. I don't think I will be eating seafood anytime soon. Top Chef really took any interest in it out of me this week :) I was disappointed that Jamie went home instead of Leah. I wonder if they kept her in just to see what would continue to happen with Hosea. Her behavior in the quick fire alone was enough to let her just leave.

One thought I had last week that I didn't include was that I always wondered if they sent the others home early but after all of them were in the audience for the Top Chef bowl it makes sense that they keep them sequestered until they are done.

Work has slowed down to a much more manageable pace but I still haven't had a full day off since Christmas. I am really hoping that will change this weekend. We are supposed to go to my inlaws on Sunday. Which is fine... but I really hope I can take tomorrow or Saturday off so that I don't feel like my only days off are visiting my inlaws. Also on the task list is ordering new glasses. I have been walking around missing a nose piece thanks to the cat for far too long. I just have to break down and do it.

Next up on the home remodeling project? The bathroom... it isn't our choice but it needs to get done as things are leaking and can't be repaired without being replaced. Since it seems silly to replace something that is just going to get torn out soon we just will have to start that project sooner than anticipated. Now to actually get to the stores and pick out what we want. Our biggest disagreement will hopefully be whether to go with beige tones or gray tones. We have to gut the whole darn thing so it will be a fun project. It really is a basic space so I don't think a designer could really help much and we have to keep the bathtub because it is the only on in the house. I would love to put a tubelight in but I don't think it can be done and still have a good space for the exhaust fan. I need to talk to DH about maybe putting a tubelight in the upstairs hallway. It is pretty dark up there if all the doors are shut. If not a tube light... maybe a crescent window or similar with frosted glass might be okay. Since we want to reside the house anyways...that may be the better choice since we don't need a new roof. But who knows when that will happen now with the bathroom. Ugh... I don't want to make those phone calls but we will need to sit down and find some contractors for quotes soon before the toilet falls into the dining room.

Yay!

In just a bit I get to hear about someone's pregnancy! Just what I want to be dealing with right now as my neck hurts. I am grateful that the interaction is solely on the phone and hope that I can fake it pretty well as they are very excited because today was the big Ultrasound. Hopefully the results were good and that they were able to find out the sex.

Home Again

We had to wait for an hour after the scheduled appointment time but we were home within a half hour of seeing the dr. The nurse said again that she might not do the biopsy but she looked at the original report and decided without even seeing it that it needed to be done. The nodule is 1.3 cm so pretty big. She took two needles of samples and dang it hurt.

But I am home, sore, and hoping not to worry to much over the next week. It didn't seem to have grown so that is a good sign. I am supposed to hear from this dr next monday with the results.

Just a tad freaked out

I know I shouldn't be. I know it will be okay. I know that this needs to be done. But somehow... it is still freaking me out that on Monday afternoon the dr will be sticking a long needle into my neck and pulling out tissue. Just a bit.......

Top Chef Bowl

Spoiler alert: If you haven't watched this week's episode you may want to skip.


Camille? She is an all star? She was the only one that I didn't know who she was without being introduced. I barely remember what she did on the show. Wasn't anyone else available?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA LMAO! Stephan got beat by the good poop queen! LOL! But you knew he wouldn't be going home. I wasn't surprised that Jeff went home but I thought they might choose Fabio since the meat was over cooked and they liked some of the components of Jeff's dish (Sangria sorbet? sounds yummy!)

Oh yea and oat crusted egg plant does not sound appealing at all and I love eggplant.

Anything else stick out to you?

Chopped!

I was wondering why Ted Allen didn't just step into the role of judge for Top Chef while Gail was away for her wedding/honeymoon. They had been alternating fairly regularly. But... I found out why! He has his own cooking contest show. Have you checked it out yet? It airs on Tuesday nights and I recorded the first one after the fact and then recorded the second yesterday. I watched the first one on Monday and am watching the second today. It is interesting, sort of a blend of iron chef and some other shows. I like the mystery ingredient idea.

In other food contest news--- RESTAURANT WARS is here! Tonight! Catch it today either the first or second showing otherwise it will be cut by 15 minutes. That part is getting a bit annoying but I will forgive them for this episode! Can't wait to see who the teams are and who gets stuck with Stephan!

I am overcome with grief that I have no right to have. I am so very sad for an old friend today. I haven't talked to her in a long time and we reconnected via Facebook. She told me some very sad news and I just am hurting for my friend. It is amazing how the time and distance disappears in an instance.

Glucaphage/Metformin

The pharmacy gave me the metformin ER version of the med. This is the problem... I am afraid to eat. I took my first pill last night and now it is 115pm and all I have had is a small bowl of chunky applesauce. I am afraid to eat anything with much fiber or that might have the wrong kind of carbs. This sucks.

And besides that... when I went to the pharamacy, they would only give me enough pills to get thru January. Something about a new policy and they fill a prescription in two sets now but you only get the pills for the current month. WTF? I need to call around and see if it is only a WG issue or if it is a new federal thing. I would have thought that we would have seen notices about it though regardless. Seems awfully strange to me since my insurance paid for all the pills now. It isn't like it is a narcotic.

I am really hoping that the past few days of below zero temps are it for this winter. I know that is rather optimistic but a girl can wish can't she?

I don't get it

I thought I was past this. I don't understand why these stupid comments/questions are knocking me for a loop. I binged yesterday after the nurse called for the fourth time. Yep, I let her silly questions and warning about pregnancy knock me from my unstable perch.

Today was the warning that the Vanquia, which she prescribed for calming down the hair growth if I wanted, is a class c drug. She wouldn't prescribe Spironolactone because I couldn't take BC. I haven't even filled the Vanquia prescription. She had told me that it was expensive but I just haven't had the chance to check the insurance to even see if it would be covered.

I realize that they are just covering their asses. I get that. I understand that they don't know the extent that this has troubled me. I understand that they need to make the risks known. I am more aggrevated at my reaction to simple questions then the questions themselves. It just is apparent that this new endo is practically convinced that this is going to be an issue when I start taking the glucophage xr. I wish I had her faith. She hasn't said it to me but it must be common enough in her practice for this to be such a big issue. If only she knew the reality of the situation. I will not be getting pregnant on glucophage xr. Especially now that she made such as an issue of it. DH has already said that he will go get protection if necessary. WTF why should we do that if what they are so concerned about happening is what my heart desires? I know that I would be high risk but if it happens, it happens... why should we prevent what supposedly we both really want?

I really need to get some work done. I need to get past this and just do what I need to do which is figure out when I am going to be willing to start the glucophage. I wish Friday wasn't so booked with appointments because I would be alright with starting it tomorrow night but with all the running around I have to do on Friday I am worried about getting stuck trying to find a bathroom in between appointments. Guess I will start it Friday night.

Hahaha!

The laugh is on me. All the hormones are within normal ranges. Even the ones that should be wacky due to PCOS. So maybe... I have metabolic syndrome instead of PCOS since I never have the string of pearls on the ovaries? Don't know. Won't know until I see her in March or sooner depending on the biopsy results. What I do know is that I understand she needs to cover all the bases but why or why do I have to try Glucophage XR again? I really hope that this time it doesn't make my life miserable. I was eating only once a day on it before because I couldn't handle the GI issues. Maybe I can figure out a way to eat that won't be so bad. But last time I could only handle carbs which is not what is supposed to happen.

Oh yea... and what the ever loving hell is up with medical personnel who don't read files or ask questions sensitively that have to do with birth control?

Nurse with a tone that I can truely not describe right now: Doctor wants to make sure that if you are sexually active that you are using protection.

Me: No, we haven't used protection in the 5.5 years we have been trying to have children, with the exception of trying the BC pills to regulate the supposedly now normal hormones.

Nurse: Well, Glucophage may increase your chances of getting pregnant so dr wants you to use protection or plan accordingly.

Me: Okay, well it didn't before and I was on it for awhile. We will definately keep that in mind.

Nurse: Seriously the Glucophage can increase your fertility so be aware.

Me: Okay, thanks, please call it into walgreens.


well.. my responses are embellished a bit but her's not so much.

Gee... if Glucophage was all I needed I would have been pregnant years ago. And other than the obvious high risk issues... would it be so bad if I did get pregnant? Is there something that I don't know besides the risks a person of my size with HBP deal with? Seriously... it is happening to women smaller than me all around it seems so if we were lucky enough to have it happen, I would deal with the risk. Yet, I doubt we will be so lucky just from one med.

ETA: I know that I am uber sensitive right now and that probably added to the frustration. Plus, the nurse called me back no fewer than 3 times after this conversation today and it is very obvious that she was having a bad day since first she lost the pharmacy number than she wrote it down wrong. Now they are questioning a med I am on and she called at exactly 5pm when I was in the middle of the grocery store. So it starts all over again tomorrow but I am going to wait until I am on my way home to call her back. Hopefully it will be a quick question.

O... just another month or so of no news-

I have the first available appointment for that surgeon. She was just on vacation so she is backed up unfortunately and she only does these types of procedures two afternoons a week. At the location that is most convenient, her first available was Feb 2nd. I called the other office because for some reason this particular location is not linked with the central scheduling. Very strange since I am so used to just calling one place and they can tell me the openings for all locations. Anyhow, the farther location didn't have an opening until Feb 25th so the 2nd it is. I just hope that no matter what the results are that I will get them back promptly and before my birthday. That would really be the best way to start my 35th year, no matter what the word.

I have a feeling that she won't call with the blood work results until the biopsy is back with maybe the exception of the insulin/PCOS results.

I am already hanging on by a thread, just trying to figure out how to get a full day off sometime next weekend for only the 2nd time since Thanksgiving. I really need to focus on making good choices and not eating any trigger foods because with everything going on it is definitely a risk of a binge. I don't want to do that. I can't let myself comfort myself with food during this time. I already see it slipping into that with choices I have made over the last few days but I can't go back to that place.

Okay, back to work.

ETA: They called this afternoon. I didn't check the messages until right after they closed so I have to wait until Monday to find out what the blood work showed.

Call me flustered....

My doctor called me today. Yep. Cortisol levels are fine and so are the urine steroid tests so that is good. She still is waiting on the blood work but some of them take longer because they are specialized tests. However, she called about the ultrasound. I have to have a biopsy on my thyroid. It is enlarged but only slightly. However, there is at least 1 nodule that needs to be checked out. While nodules are typically benign, this was is above the "we'll just wait and see" size. I already checked and the dr she referred me to is on our insurance so I just have to wait for the medical office to determine if I have to have a precert for the biopsy or not. I don't think so since it is an outpatient procedure but who knows. I will probably call on Friday to schedule it since as of right now I will have some downtime that day. So that is what I know... yay... umm, not really.

Now to tell my mom and then not have her nag at me constantly about getting it scheduled and getting the results. At least this proves that if there is a problem, our clinic will call asap with results.

Tests and such...

Just a quick update... I had an ultrasound of my thyroid on Friday along with all the blood and urine tests the dr ordered. TMI I know but hopefully I will have the results before the 15th. The ultrasound tech said to follow up this week with the dr but I remember her telling me that she wouldn't call until all of the results are in. Usually the ultrasound tech at that place says 7-10 business days so I was a bit taken aback but she also was a much more casual tech than I have had in the past so trying not to read anything into her saying that.

So that is what I know...

2009 Goals

I am going to do this a bit differently this year since on paper I failed miserably last year at meeting my goals. I am going to set quarterly goals instead. Let's see how this goes....

1st Quarter Goals for 2009


1.Read one classic book

2.Read one nonfiction book (not about infertility)

3.Finish the office cleaning/organizing

4.Work towards following South beach Phase 2---90% of the time

5.Try 12 new recipes (including ones I make up as I go)

6.Register for another session of Tai Chi

7.Try Pho at Baaran's

8.Go to the Burpee Museum

So... are you a resolution person, goal person, or neither?

2008 In Books

I managed to read 32 books this year. I started a few in December but with work craziness they are still not done. In no particular order my 2008, top 8 are:

Rosewater and Soda Bread

Harriet the Spy

Townhouse, a novel

Stealing Buddha's Dinner

Good Grief

Good in Bed & Certain Girls A Slight Cheat but it is a sequel.

Water For Elephants

Empty Picture Frame


Three of these books were for the BBBT. I might of gotten around to two of them if I hadn't participated but I doubt I would have sought out The Empty Picture Frame

I am glad that I kept track of my books in Good Reads this year, otherwise, at this point I would have relatively no clue what I read in the first half of the year since my computer crashed. There is a widget on the side so you can see what I have just finished... it hasn't changed recently but hopefully that will change in the New Year!

What were your favorites of 2008?