Monday, May 25, 2009

I have no creative juices for a title right now...

This Memorial Day Weekend has not turned out in anyway that was perceived as imaginable at this point last week. I never expected the call that I got on Friday and I never expected to be in my husband's hometown planning his father's funeral. He was tragically killed and we still don't know all of the details. While understanding what happened is important sometimes it isn't what you want to hear.

Through this weekend I have seen a different side of most of his family. His mother has been much stronger than I would have been at this time. Her kids make her stronger. I fear for the time when no one is here and she can't cope.

My brother in law took on the role expected as the oldest son. I wasn't sure that he would do that. He distances himself often from his family and so it could have been that he didn't want to do anything. Yet, he is still having issues coping.

My sister in law is not the independent feminist woman I expected her to be. She is much more like her mother than she cares to admit at times.

My other sister in law, while complaining about how things need to be so they are not inconvenient for her and her family has actually taken a hands off role which I wasn't sure would happen.

My husband... is stronger than he admits and has more courage than he would ever believe. I wouldn't have wanted him to leave my side during this time but maybe his family helps that since I don't have siblings to lean on.

Me, I still am selfish. I was whining about not wanting to visit my inlaws this weekend because of his mother's smoking. We didn't go last weekend because I didn't want to be rushed on getting the bathroom ready. I am selfish and now I caused my husband and myself to have several weeks go by without seeing his parents. Now Thursday we will see his father displayed and then determine if he is presentable to the public.

This is not how this weekend should have been. This is not how I would have imagined it. I hate that I am not at my husbands side to help hold him up but hopefully his family is doing the best they can.

18 comments:

Lollipop Goldstein said...

Deb, I am so incredibly sorry. My heart is with you right now.

annacyclopedia said...

I just came from the LFCA. I am so very sorry for your loss, and I'm holding you and your husband and his family in my thoughts and prayers today.

calliope said...

so so sorry, sweetie. Thinking of you all.
xo

Miriam said...

Came here via LFCA. I'm so so sorry for your loss right now, and sending you many hugs and much support. *hug*
~Miriam

Katie said...

Came over from LFCA and wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers

Delenn said...

Coming from LAFCA. I am so very sorry for your loss, Deb. It is all the more unfortunate that it was sudden and tragic. Wishing you and your husband strength through this awful time.

Orodemniades said...

Oh Deb,I am so sorry for your loss.

Karen said...

Here from LFCA, I'm so sorry for your loss and for the whole situation.

nancy said...

oh my goodness. I am so very sorry for the loss. And I am sorry you have to deal with that internal guilt. ~hugs~. Wishing you all peace.

Rebecca said...

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband's family.

Hillary said...

I am so sorry for your loss. So very sorry. ((hugs))

astral said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sending hugs your way and keeping you in my prayers.

MrsSpock said...

Here from LFCA. So very sorry.

luna said...

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Beautiful Mess said...

*here from LFCA* I'm so sorry! Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with everyone. Sending you lots of hugs and support.
*HUGS*

Billy said...

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss.

Me said...

((HUGS))

Kristin said...

Deb...I know I'm late but I wanted to tell you how very sorry I Am for your loss. When we lost my FIL last fall, we had gone for a long time with not seeing my inlaws as often as we usually did and I felt guilty about it for quite a while. Don't do the same thing to yourself. My prayers are with you and I am here if you need to talk.