Opening Day

It is here! The season we have all been waiting for...well, around these parts anyhow. It is supposed to rain today but the best opening for a lull is the rain is during the game today. I am lucky enough that I will be home to watch the first pitch but will have to listen to part of the game in the car. Attitude is key this baseball season... for more than just baseball.

I am working on turning my attitude around in most things. I started reading this book yesterday. Even if it is a regurgitation of other material, hopefully something will sink in and allow me to continue to improve.

Anyhow... Happy Baseball!

Warning: Whiny and Maybe TMI.

That pain is back... the pain, on the right side from the lower back/kidney area to the front of my pubic bone. It is the tell tale sign that something is not right in the reproductive region. It could be why I felt like I ovulated 3 times last month. Going to the dr will most likely just mean an ultrasound where all they will see is fluid from a cyst since they seem to burst upon the start of the ultrasound--EVERY DAMN TIME!

Sorry... but it hurts and sometimes advil or tylenol helps and sometimes it doesn't. Today is a day where it doesn't. It hurts to sit, it hurts to walk, it hurts to...etc.

It doesn't help either that I am coughing a bunch since yesterday. Hopefully it is just the stupid cough for the BP medicine and not a cold. I can't handle being sick right now... too much to do this weekend.

Blah!

Life After People

DH and I finally finished watching the History Channel documentary Life After People. It was interesting. The image of the Sears Tower crumbling freaked me out a bit but I was truly amazed at our planet's ability to heal itself if given the time and space to do so. They predicted that the Hoover Dam would be the last remaining human made structure standing. They took a look at the Chernobyl disaster 20 years after the fact and actually toured some of the safer areas.



The other item that struck a cord was that they predicted that cats may eventually evolve to have similar body types to flying squirrels just because they feel that cats will be living in the abandoned high rises while dogs will be mating with wolves and returning to their wild roots.



Dh was annoyed because they did start repeating themselves more in the second hour of what they had already gone over but I think it was just to make the point of where they were and where the show was headed. All in all, if you have the inclination and the time, it was an interesting look at what might be.

Bullets

I am surprised:

• That I like the onion box slicer that my SIL and her family gave me for my birthday (it is probably the same type that JP was talking about in the comments the other day and has been very helpful with the fragrant onions we bought as long as I don't hurt myself trying to slice an onion)



• That we use the garbage bowl everyday and both are wondering why we didn't try this sooner



• That I am creative enough to take Easter dinner leftovers and turn them into a dinner that looked completely different and was pretty tasty

I am excited:

• Because our first Cubs game tickets came in the mail the other day



• We haven't been to a game at Wrigley Field since 2006

I am curious:

• Because my cousin is being more accommodating than ever before of others



• Because I don't understand why



• Because I can't concentrate on much lately



• Because I seem to need an awful lot of sleep lately


• About the weird construction like sounds in the neighborhood

I am disappointed:

• That there is still snow on the ground in the front yard



• That the weather looks nasty for the end of the week



• in myself because I am behind at work

So, off to work I go...

No colored eggs for us...

Easter was umm... not all that exciting around here. I didn't even have any jellybeans. I thought about it many times over, but I did not indulge. I didn't even have any Easter candy until I went to my mom's where I had 4 plain ol chocolate eggs. Whoopeee! Something is wrong with me these days, I have been craving chocolate and well, I don't really like it much to be honest. I was even willing to eat some chocolate bunny pound cake thing that my aunt made, very dry but it had a good flavor if you like chocolate, Which I don't! I love chocolate covered things like carmels, toffee, mints, strawberries... but just regular old chocolate--blech! Could these cravings mean that I have working female hormones again? LOL! Doubt it.

Seriously, we were the heathens of the family and didn't even go to church. DH had a strange weekend where he slept and had a headache all day Saturday and most of the day Sunday. We don't play around with his headaches and his extra sleep needs due to his epilepsy/seizure disorder diagnosis. Plus he was asking about strange smells which is never a good sign. Luckily, no seizures were noticed and no grand mals were had so phew... but Easter, it was a drag.

Besides, I had to have a "what's the point without kids" meltdown during the weekend too, which didn't help matters. Every time I think I am getting past this, something else pops up to remind me that I am not. I am seriously considering finding a therapist to help us with the decision because all I get on the other side is "It is out of our control" and well, I don't believe that entirely anymore.

Seriously though, from all of the pictures I have seen recently... when did the Easter Bunny get so big and scarey?

Give me my fishies!

Happy Easter...

If you celebrate, Happy Sunny Sunday if you don't!

Please, let them be wrong...

about the snow! They are talking about it snowing from midnight tonight until midnight tomorrow night at least. Today, the kids in the neighborhood are out playing with light jackets on... how can it snow tonight? May they be wrong again this time around. Rain I can handle-- snow makes people drive really stupid.

New things...

This past week has been a jumble of new things tried. All related to food of course but hey, it is something.

Friday night we tried a new restaurant. It is attached to a local brewery and they just opened. I was very excited to finally get some sweet potato fries. We both were giddy that of all the condiments that they could have on the table... they had vinegar! Not white vinegar but malt vinegar. It still helped recreate some flavors from our honeymoon in Vancouver. MMMM vinegar and fries! What was even better was that I totally stumbled across the news that this place had opened when I was looking for a menu to the new bar in town. DH said his burger was the best he has had in a really long time... from even several places before his stomach made him give up beef for two years.

Saturday we tried a new dish at our old standby Chinese place. I liked the Orange chicken... he didn't. No biggie--- he ate it though.

Sunday DH cooked dinner pretty late because I got back from shopping with my mom late. He heated up the Buffalo style chicken pizza by Palermo's. It was good, but a bit too spicy for me. For some reason I just really wasn't all that hungry but I managed to still eat 2 pieces. It had blue cheese and Gorgonzola. I had been worried about the chicken but it was good enough that I am going to look for their other chicken pizzas when we decide to pickup frozen pizza again. We are trying to stay away from the habit that we used to have of frozen pizza once or twice a week. When DH had his surgery, we hadn't had pizza, except for fresh California Pizza kitchen pizza, in over a year. It is creeping back into our regular menu again so we need to be careful. Not that pizza is bad... it can just be bad for us!

Monday I made a different corn beef dish for St. Patrick's day. It came out pretty good except I over cooked the potatoes and I didn't have Dijon mustard. I still can't figure out where it went... I could of sworn I bought it to make balsamic chicken. We both had leftovers without eggs for lunch today. I tried to half the recipe but I wasn't successful as I flaked and added the whole bag of sauerkraut. I also miscalculated the amount of potatoes to half the recipe. I did only use half of the corn beef as the deli only had half a pound left when I went and I only used about half of the cheese. We thought that the cheese ratio was plenty but if you really, really, really love cheese than use the whole amount.

Edited: Yes, DH did teach me how to fry an egg. I have never eaten them fried so I didn't know how to cook them. Yes, I realize it is crazy to be 34 and never had fried eggs but my mom and step dad never eat them anyway other than scrambled that I know. I honestly always thought that a fried egg had an uncooked yoke so I never thought about it since that totally grosses me out (my eighties background is showing).

Today, I am making this. In fact the oven just beeped. I didn't make the homemade biscuits in the recipe though because I didn't have any soy milk and I wasn't sure if almond milk would work. I did use a can of store bought ones though so our version is not completely vegan.

Verdict: DH didn't like it. Said that maybe if it had less veggies and some chicken in it he would. Off to the kitchen to make a sandwich he went as I declared I liked it. I think it needed more pepper, garlic, and salt but I used the lowest sodium veggie broth that I found at the store. I also did not add any salt in cooking because of my blood pressure issues. However, the leftovers will be eaten with salt added.

Edited: The recipe for the leek and bean casserole says that the leftovers are nasty, however, I liked them. The biscuits don't hold up as well so I am guessing that the vegan ones wouldn't either but the casserole itself ended up being thicker after it sat in the fridge for a day or so. Maybe it is me, but I tend to enjoy leftovers.

2008 Goals Update

Back here I posted a list of things to accomplish in 2008. We are almost to St. Patrick's day and I am embarassed to say that I have yet to accomplish um... any of it. Or start any of it besides some of the recipes on the lifestyle list to be honest. I am currently reading books that do not fit into the catagories that are on the list. I have tried at least 5 new recipes but that isn't really where I should be at if trying a new recipe a week.

Hopefully today we will at least book our trip to Oklahoma for Memorial Day.

oh well...

24!

Are you watching 24? If not, You should be. It is our new addiction. We have made our way thru the first two seasons and are anxiously awaiting the third season DVD. I have requested it from the library and unfortunately it is too late to get it from Netflix for the weekend. Since I predicted the last 5 minutes of the season when the scene started I need to know how it pans out!

Anyhow, if you like crime dramas/actions/thrillers this might be an option for you. We have been working our way through it since nothing new is on TV. Supposedly some new shows will be on Monday night but I am not holding my breath since some RR episodes were marked new but they were actually reruns from the beginning of the season.

Besides, Keifer is some good eye candy! :)

Another hope bites the dust...

I try really hard not to get any hopes up these days. Especially about a family or pregnancy. Today, I am trying really hard to hold it together. I had been becoming hopeful about this cycle. It seemed like I ovulated 3 times and we timed things pretty well.

I have been having these weird hip cramps on and off for the past two weeks. They have been pretty constant for the last few days. Apparently they are a weird form of menstrual cramps or something because lovely AF came for a visit today. Yay me. Hopefully her stay will be light and short.

blah...

not what I hoped for today.

Checking in...

Things have been busy. We had some house guests of the child kind on Saturday night. They were pretty good and other than some huge amounts of energy that needed to be burned off... no issues. I was proud, the only meltdown lasted less than 60 seconds and was reasonable. The house was fairly clean and I was thankful that DH was able to get a lot of it done.

I took the whole weekend off and while it was a nice weekend, I fully regret not working on reports on Sunday night. I am way behind and have only a few appointments this week. Most likely due to the lag in my turnaround time right now. Hopefully that will be fixed by the end of this week. I have had quite a few problem children and it takes longer to make sure that those are right. The drag is that I always feel like I must stink at my job since I take a longer time to process the more difficult reports and feel pressured to do things faster. Not by my employer per se but by the clients. But I must be doing something right because I have a pretty good rating with the client that rates things like suspensions due to review, lack of info, etc. The only problem is that my turnaround time is now over the acceptable miniumum. But given that the turnaround time is factored into the rating... I must be doing the rest of the stuff the right way.

Anyhow... back to work!

Letter to my body

Mel over at Stirrup-Queens and Blogger put a call out for Letters to Your Body posts. Below are my thoughts. Here is the link to the original post as for some reason I can't get it to work the way it has in the past http://www.blogher.com/letter-my-body-3 .


Dear Body:

There are so many negative things that I could say in this moment. Most likely you have heard all of them at this point, but repeat them I won't. What I could ask is "why are you broken?" but I won't. I could beg for you to do what all woman are supposed to be able to do but I won't. Why?

Because I accept the responsibility for all that has been done to you. I know that I am the cause of the problems. I don't understand why you and the brain don't work in conjunction with each other except to conspire against me but I can get over that. I don't want to dwell anymore on the negative. I want to portray a positive attitude and accepting you, dear body, as your are is part of that process.

Does it make it any easier admitting that I am most likely the cause for the hormonal issues that prevent you from doing what I want most? No, and it won't. Does it make it any easier to overcome the nudgings of the brain and avoid the junk food and other comforts that would derail you, dear body, from losing weight? No, and it won't. Does it make the pain go away, either physical or emotional? No, and it won't.

It won't until I try. Will you, dear body, help me try to overcome those issues by oh, I don't know... letting go of some of the weight when effort has been made? Will you, dear body, fight off the pain and let me continue to build my strength? Will you, dear body, ever fulfill my dreams?

You won't, unless I try. I need to try to do things differently and to look at things in a better light. Reality is that through all the negative times, you dear body, have been the one doing all of the work. You have been pushing me through my depressive moments, my painful moments, and my emotional moments. You dear body, have been doing all the work to make it to this point. For that, I am grateful even if you don't look anything like I wanted you too at this point in time. I am grateful that even though I hurt, I can still move so that I can feel that pain. I am grateful to you dear body, that you allow me to wake up next to my husband in the mornings.

Thank you for all your hard work,

Deb

P.S. May I suggest just one thing? Send carrot and nut cravings to the brain instead of chips and cookies. It should help in the long run if you are craving the good stuff to make it known. Thanks!

Open Letter to Homeowners

Please understand that when you request services to occur in your home, your home is not expected to be spotless but we do expect that you at least make a bit of an effort. Some items to consider:



1. Please pick up your dirty underwear from wherever you have thrown it the night/morning before. Having to navigate around said underwear to conduct necessary business activities is not really in my job description and just plain nasty. The hamper or whatever really can't be too far. Besides... picturing you in said underwear after the event is not always a nice experience either.



2. For service providers that may need to inspect the bathroom, please consider doing a quick rinse down of the bathtub and or shower. Hairy fixtures don't earn more points.



3. For the love of potatoes... FLUSH THE TOILET... or if unacceptable to you because you are saving water than please put the lid down. Pictures of your leftovers do not make good impressions.



4. If you live in a cold climate with snow and you request an early appointment or heck, even if it isn't early, please make the effort to clear a walkway to your front door if necessary. Climbing through piles of snow to reach the home is not how I like to make a first impression. Also, thick ice patches have been common this year but salt can work wonders if you try it. Having a service provider slip on ice and twist an ankle doesn't make the appointment go any easier.



5. If you don't want to make the effort... Fine, not very nice of you but no problem, I understand that there are some cases where you just can't physically shovel. However, Do Not Bitch about the service providers clothing being full of snow if you couldn't drag your ass out to shovel or snow blow or figure out how to have it done for you. I am not going to wipe up the water drops as it could have been avoided.

6. Animal owners--- if your animal of choice conducts their elimination bodily functions in the house, please make the effort to clean up the area before the appointment. As a cat owner I understand that the moment you scoop the box, the cat will most likely use it again. Okay, no problem but I do take issue with cat boxes that have not been cleaned in days. Dirty puppy pads are also not acceptable. Clean them up and move them out of the walkways. I don't always look down when entering a new room and a shoefull or footfull of pee and/or poop is not a great way to make my day.

7. Animal owners and parents alike, Please understand that while I love kids, dogs, and cats- I am not being paid to babysit or pet sit. Please understand that children yelling "Hey you, look at me" constantly will slow me down and will distract me from items that may make a difference in your service. I don't mind the shadow of a child that tells me thoughtful things about this and that but if your child is yelling full on in my ear, please remove him/her. Shadow animals are also fine as long as they are not trying to jump on me or hump my leg the entire time. If you have a yapper or barker, be kind and place the dog outside or in the garage. I would rather wait to complete something while you move the dog than to be ticking off the dog for the entire appointment.

8. Also, dog owners, do not take offense when I do not pet your "loving and friendly" dog. I don't pet strange dogs. I like to remind everyone in my office that I am the only one that hasn't been bit by a dog on an appointment. Yes, it is the little things that I gloat about :)

9. When your whole family is sick or someone is sick with a significant illness, please inform the service provider ahead of time. I try very hard to stay well and to avoid scheduling appointments when I am ill. But, if your whole family has the stomach flu and I call to confirm the appointment there is nothing wrong with rescheduling. This will help eliminate the need for Lysol during the appointment. It will also ensure that the bathrooms can be inspected when needed without turning the service provider's stomach from smell, noise, or mess.

10. New parents and pregnant women, please forgive me for not doling out the congratulations while I am with you. While I understand that you are feeling all gushy and happy, I most likely am dealing with some pain and resentment. This is true for all service providers that walk in your house. Besides, me saying congratulations can only make you feel worse if you are waiting to deliver a dead fetus or if your child has just been diagnosed with a horrible condition. There are days that I can read your emotions and others that I can't. If I choose to play the cautious card, don't get pissed off about it.

11. And last by not least, please understand that talking on the phone during the entire appointment and then making the service provider wait while you finish up when they have completed their work is not polite. Besides, you might be charged waiting time if you take too long.

Have a nice day and thank you for your buisness.

BBBT-Embryo Culture

The latest stop on the book tour is Embryo Culture by Beth Kohl. This book was a look into one woman's IVF experience and a broader look at the IVF world as a whole. The author is from the same area as I am so it was interesting to be able to recognize landmarks and places. She took us through her 1st IVF experience but really didn't discuss her second one that much except for the results. In the end, I enjoyed the book as it caused me to question my own perceptions of IVF and other ART technologies but at the same time reaffirmed our current decision. I did read parts of the book to DH but for him... his position on IVF currently isn't up for discussion so he wasn't very receptive or responsive. I have to speculate that even if he took the time to read the book in the end... he would still feel the same way. Please understand that we know that many people have had wonderful experiences and are blessed with happy and healthy children as a result but... any opinions expressed are solely mine and are not intended to offend in anyway.

Note: some of the answers have been edited from original posting as I wanted to clarify my answers.

The author also talks about how many embryos should be transferred at any given cycle. Should there be a limit?

Personally, I think there should be a limit. While there are many cases of extreme multiple pregnancies occurring without incident for the most part many of those babies start out at a disadvantage. They are younger gestational age when born then is ideal. Just because we can push the envelope doesn't always mean that we should. Perhaps my opinion is a bit tainted by someone I know who underwent IVF, implanted four embryos, gave birth to four fairly healthy babies but in the long run the stress of the infertility treatments and raising quadruplets proved too much for the marriage and they ended up divorced. Are all families this way? No.

At the same time, if I were in that situation where they had implanted over 3 embryos and they all were successful, I don't think that I could selectively reduce. Then what? While I understand fully that someone attempting an IVF cycle wants the best shot for a successful cycle... it seems to me, to much of a risk to implant more than 3 embryos. Risk for health issues for the babies and for the mother alike.

Beth Kohl discusses her fears about how IVF may lead to increased health problems for her children, and she thinks about this in the context of her daughter's surgeries for cysts on her bladder. Do you ever worry that IVF or other ART could compromise the health of your children created through the process? How has that affected your decision to pursue treatment?

Actually one of the concerns that DH and I have is about the health of the future child. Both about what if we pass down the "bad" parts of us and what if all of the medical intervention actually causes medical issues that would not have normally occurred. Until this book, I hadn't done much research about health issues that the IVF procedure might cause it was just a speculation on both of our parts. When you take control of something and override the natural steps it seems that there are bound to be repercussions in the long run. For everyone? probably not but it was interesting to read the statistics of the health issues thought to be caused by the IVF conception process. Currently, we are not pursuing treatment for many reasons but this factor is part of that decision.

Beth likens Dr. Frankfurth's office to one that "should have belonged to a family doctor in Anchorage, circa 1950, and not to a late twentieth century endocrinologist." How much do appearances matter? What were your first impressions of your RE's office? Did/does that color your interactions with the RE himself or herself?


I haven't actually been to the RE's office. My husband has but I have been dealing with a regular endocrinologist. Due to the nature of the relationship between my previous internist and the endocrinologist that she referred me to I had a good deal of confidence in his ability and his patient care philosophy. They share the same office and the same staff. Since all my previous dealings with her had been fine and not problematic, I had no reason to think that something would be awry. However, the first time that I met with him, he was running over an hour behind with no one notifying us previously. Also, he is very flamboyant and he talked over both of us several times. I continued to see him for a few years but now I am on the search for another endocrinologist because I have decided that I just don't want to deal with a doctor who stresses me out. He never runs on time, his office staff screws up messages and medicine refills every time, and during the appointment I am so frustrated and upset from having to wait forever that I just don't want to go over everything with him for the millionth time because he can't read my chart before he comes in the door. I had high hopes and he didn't live up to them so now I have given up on both of those doctors in exchange for a more organized clinic and a harder to get in schedule usually... but I am okay with that as long as the whole event of going to the doctor doesn't stress me out.

So my first impressions were wrong and in the end just made it harder for me to take care of my medical issues.


Beth makes certain that she tracks how she and her husband respond to infertility in different ways - through diagnosis, debates about treatment, and how infertility is perceived in the "normal" world. Do you find such differences between yourself and your significant other(s)? Was it difficult to determine upon a course of treatment due to those differences?

Until recently, we have been on the same page. We both felt that a medically assisted pregnancy was not in the cards for us and that there were other parenting options out there to explore. The more we look at those other options, the more frustrated I get because of the amount of inspection into our daily lives. I don't think right now I would be a candiate for a successful medically assisted pregnancy anyhow due to other medical issues and my weight. But... the more desperate I become to make us a family... the more options I am willing to explore. Does that mean that we will pursue IVF---most likely not. But maybe we are overlooking some of the smaller and less invasive treatments that are around. So until recently... no, there was no difficulty is working out a treatment plan because there wasn't one. In the future... maybe.

In terms of emotional response, there has been a difference. My husband tends to be more emotional then most men I know but for some reason within this journey, I think he feels he needs to be the strong one because I have been so raw and over emotional at times. I have felt at times that he has withdrawn from me because I am in the middle of an emotional crisis and he can't fix it nor can he understand it. But at the same time I think he has pulled away because he is afraid that his display of emotions would make things worse. All I know is that there have been several moments over the past several years that I have felt that he just didn't care enough about the "issue". Don't get me wrong... the majority of the time, he will just hold me when I cry and for the most part that is enough but ...


Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/. You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: The Mistress's Daughter by A.M. Homes (with author participation!)