Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Open Letter to Homeowners

Please understand that when you request services to occur in your home, your home is not expected to be spotless but we do expect that you at least make a bit of an effort. Some items to consider:

1. Please pick up your dirty underwear from wherever you have thrown it the night/morning before. Having to navigate around said underwear to conduct necessary business activities is not really in my job description and just plain nasty. The hamper or whatever really can't be too far. Besides... picturing you in said underwear after the event is not always a nice experience either.

2. For service providers that may need to inspect the bathroom, please consider doing a quick rinse down of the bathtub and or shower. Hairy fixtures don't earn more points.

3. For the love of potatoes... FLUSH THE TOILET... or if unacceptable to you because you are saving water than please put the lid down. Pictures of your leftovers do not make good impressions.

4. If you live in a cold climate with snow and you request an early appointment or heck, even if it isn't early, please make the effort to clear a walkway to your front door if necessary. Climbing through piles of snow to reach the home is not how I like to make a first impression. Also, thick ice patches have been common this year but salt can work wonders if you try it. Having a service provider slip on ice and twist an ankle doesn't make the appointment go any easier.

5. If you don't want to make the effort... Fine, not very nice of you but no problem, I understand that there are some cases where you just can't physically shovel. However, Do Not Bitch about the service providers clothing being full of snow if you couldn't drag your ass out to shovel or snow blow or figure out how to have it done for you. I am not going to wipe up the water drops as it could have been avoided.

6. Animal owners--- if your animal of choice conducts their elimination bodily functions in the house, please make the effort to clean up the area before the appointment. As a cat owner I understand that the moment you scoop the box, the cat will most likely use it again. Okay, no problem but I do take issue with cat boxes that have not been cleaned in days. Dirty puppy pads are also not acceptable. Clean them up and move them out of the walkways. I don't always look down when entering a new room and a shoefull or footfull of pee and/or poop is not a great way to make my day.

7. Animal owners and parents alike, Please understand that while I love kids, dogs, and cats- I am not being paid to babysit or pet sit. Please understand that children yelling "Hey you, look at me" constantly will slow me down and will distract me from items that may make a difference in your service. I don't mind the shadow of a child that tells me thoughtful things about this and that but if your child is yelling full on in my ear, please remove him/her. Shadow animals are also fine as long as they are not trying to jump on me or hump my leg the entire time. If you have a yapper or barker, be kind and place the dog outside or in the garage. I would rather wait to complete something while you move the dog than to be ticking off the dog for the entire appointment.

8. Also, dog owners, do not take offense when I do not pet your "loving and friendly" dog. I don't pet strange dogs. I like to remind everyone in my office that I am the only one that hasn't been bit by a dog on an appointment. Yes, it is the little things that I gloat about :)

9. When your whole family is sick or someone is sick with a significant illness, please inform the service provider ahead of time. I try very hard to stay well and to avoid scheduling appointments when I am ill. But, if your whole family has the stomach flu and I call to confirm the appointment there is nothing wrong with rescheduling. This will help eliminate the need for Lysol during the appointment. It will also ensure that the bathrooms can be inspected when needed without turning the service provider's stomach from smell, noise, or mess.

10. New parents and pregnant women, please forgive me for not doling out the congratulations while I am with you. While I understand that you are feeling all gushy and happy, I most likely am dealing with some pain and resentment. This is true for all service providers that walk in your house. Besides, me saying congratulations can only make you feel worse if you are waiting to deliver a dead fetus or if your child has just been diagnosed with a horrible condition. There are days that I can read your emotions and others that I can't. If I choose to play the cautious card, don't get pissed off about it.

11. And last by not least, please understand that talking on the phone during the entire appointment and then making the service provider wait while you finish up when they have completed their work is not polite. Besides, you might be charged waiting time if you take too long.

Have a nice day and thank you for your buisness.

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