Saturday, May 12, 2007


Today has been a day that has been a gamut of emotions. I volunteered this morning at the Epilepsy Walk. Fear and anticipation abounded but I was quickly put at ease.

While volunteering, I saw a variety of adults and children, who suffer from seizures. I was most astonished at the number of "tween" kids with seizure disorders that are not at a "normal" functioning level. Today, I found myself amazed and thankful that my husband made it through his grand mal years as mentally intact as he had. Believe me, he is not "normal" but ummm.... you can't tell that just by speaking with him once (well, most days) :) (ILMNWCBU) I found myself moved to tears from the sheer outpouring of support for the people that suffer from this condition and the various forms of seizures. There were several teenagers there walking for their friends. There was a large group of family and friends there in support of a small boy. There was a family who came in from another state to walk with their family member who has seizures and is mentally impaired from them. Many times today, I thought about my fear that any day a seizure can claim my husband's brain. Today, I realized just how... possible-reasonable-real-insert any synonym here... that fear is.

I came home, just happy that even though we have an imperfect life, we still have a life together. Annoying as that is at times, it is what it is. I sang today... lots. I was "giddy" in dh's words. I did something that I felt good about and I realized that no matter how cruddy life seems right now, no matter how much I know that it could be so much worse, it doesn't matter. Even the fact that the contractor didn't show up yesterday or today to finish stuff up didn't bother me.

So we ran the usual grocery shopping errand but buying very few groceries. We came back home, got ready for our dinner out, and ran out of the house. Dinner with my parents for Mother's Day was nice and uneventful. The service was a bit slow but nothing horrific. Food was wonderful and worth the wait. We talked about heading out to a store to get some other stuff but DH just wanted to get home. When we walked in the door...uhh... we got a big surprise. Apparently, our new neighbor's cat was locked in our house. Not just the garage-the house. With our cat, who has only ever seen another cat on the other side of the window. We were blessed with cat puke and poop throughout the house. Hopefully the black light was accurate and there is no urine. However, remember, we have boxes everywhere. I freaked out. Not yelling, just very very concerned for both cats. When we got home, they were both in the same room but we don't know what happened. Both cats appear to be fine. The other cat is probably more freaked out than N. but I think I am the most freaked out of all. Now the house just smells of DH's stomach issue gas and Woolite pet stain.

As I sat here at my computer tonight, reading emails, I came across a message that included this link . It was very poignant and I know why the person sent it to everyone in our family. My step dad is in the early to mid stage of dementia. He doesn't remember things all the time. Several of the items in the slides reminded me of my grandma.

Now, as I blog this, I realize that I haven't felt this sporadic since the last time I was in the 2WW and had a very real perceived chance of being pregnant. No... today, it was just all about the events. Most likely, that was the case previously but you can't always be objective when you are chasing a dream.

1 comment:

Kristi said...

Oh I'm so glad that the walk went well! Many prayers that your husband can find a cure or at least will never have a seizure that impairs him. :-/

I hope the euphoria or "giddiness" stays with you. :)