Just a tad freaked out

I know I shouldn't be. I know it will be okay. I know that this needs to be done. But somehow... it is still freaking me out that on Monday afternoon the dr will be sticking a long needle into my neck and pulling out tissue. Just a bit.......

Top Chef Bowl

Spoiler alert: If you haven't watched this week's episode you may want to skip.


Camille? She is an all star? She was the only one that I didn't know who she was without being introduced. I barely remember what she did on the show. Wasn't anyone else available?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA LMAO! Stephan got beat by the good poop queen! LOL! But you knew he wouldn't be going home. I wasn't surprised that Jeff went home but I thought they might choose Fabio since the meat was over cooked and they liked some of the components of Jeff's dish (Sangria sorbet? sounds yummy!)

Oh yea and oat crusted egg plant does not sound appealing at all and I love eggplant.

Anything else stick out to you?

Chopped!

I was wondering why Ted Allen didn't just step into the role of judge for Top Chef while Gail was away for her wedding/honeymoon. They had been alternating fairly regularly. But... I found out why! He has his own cooking contest show. Have you checked it out yet? It airs on Tuesday nights and I recorded the first one after the fact and then recorded the second yesterday. I watched the first one on Monday and am watching the second today. It is interesting, sort of a blend of iron chef and some other shows. I like the mystery ingredient idea.

In other food contest news--- RESTAURANT WARS is here! Tonight! Catch it today either the first or second showing otherwise it will be cut by 15 minutes. That part is getting a bit annoying but I will forgive them for this episode! Can't wait to see who the teams are and who gets stuck with Stephan!

I am overcome with grief that I have no right to have. I am so very sad for an old friend today. I haven't talked to her in a long time and we reconnected via Facebook. She told me some very sad news and I just am hurting for my friend. It is amazing how the time and distance disappears in an instance.

Glucaphage/Metformin

The pharmacy gave me the metformin ER version of the med. This is the problem... I am afraid to eat. I took my first pill last night and now it is 115pm and all I have had is a small bowl of chunky applesauce. I am afraid to eat anything with much fiber or that might have the wrong kind of carbs. This sucks.

And besides that... when I went to the pharamacy, they would only give me enough pills to get thru January. Something about a new policy and they fill a prescription in two sets now but you only get the pills for the current month. WTF? I need to call around and see if it is only a WG issue or if it is a new federal thing. I would have thought that we would have seen notices about it though regardless. Seems awfully strange to me since my insurance paid for all the pills now. It isn't like it is a narcotic.

I am really hoping that the past few days of below zero temps are it for this winter. I know that is rather optimistic but a girl can wish can't she?

I don't get it

I thought I was past this. I don't understand why these stupid comments/questions are knocking me for a loop. I binged yesterday after the nurse called for the fourth time. Yep, I let her silly questions and warning about pregnancy knock me from my unstable perch.

Today was the warning that the Vanquia, which she prescribed for calming down the hair growth if I wanted, is a class c drug. She wouldn't prescribe Spironolactone because I couldn't take BC. I haven't even filled the Vanquia prescription. She had told me that it was expensive but I just haven't had the chance to check the insurance to even see if it would be covered.

I realize that they are just covering their asses. I get that. I understand that they don't know the extent that this has troubled me. I understand that they need to make the risks known. I am more aggrevated at my reaction to simple questions then the questions themselves. It just is apparent that this new endo is practically convinced that this is going to be an issue when I start taking the glucophage xr. I wish I had her faith. She hasn't said it to me but it must be common enough in her practice for this to be such a big issue. If only she knew the reality of the situation. I will not be getting pregnant on glucophage xr. Especially now that she made such as an issue of it. DH has already said that he will go get protection if necessary. WTF why should we do that if what they are so concerned about happening is what my heart desires? I know that I would be high risk but if it happens, it happens... why should we prevent what supposedly we both really want?

I really need to get some work done. I need to get past this and just do what I need to do which is figure out when I am going to be willing to start the glucophage. I wish Friday wasn't so booked with appointments because I would be alright with starting it tomorrow night but with all the running around I have to do on Friday I am worried about getting stuck trying to find a bathroom in between appointments. Guess I will start it Friday night.

Hahaha!

The laugh is on me. All the hormones are within normal ranges. Even the ones that should be wacky due to PCOS. So maybe... I have metabolic syndrome instead of PCOS since I never have the string of pearls on the ovaries? Don't know. Won't know until I see her in March or sooner depending on the biopsy results. What I do know is that I understand she needs to cover all the bases but why or why do I have to try Glucophage XR again? I really hope that this time it doesn't make my life miserable. I was eating only once a day on it before because I couldn't handle the GI issues. Maybe I can figure out a way to eat that won't be so bad. But last time I could only handle carbs which is not what is supposed to happen.

Oh yea... and what the ever loving hell is up with medical personnel who don't read files or ask questions sensitively that have to do with birth control?

Nurse with a tone that I can truely not describe right now: Doctor wants to make sure that if you are sexually active that you are using protection.

Me: No, we haven't used protection in the 5.5 years we have been trying to have children, with the exception of trying the BC pills to regulate the supposedly now normal hormones.

Nurse: Well, Glucophage may increase your chances of getting pregnant so dr wants you to use protection or plan accordingly.

Me: Okay, well it didn't before and I was on it for awhile. We will definately keep that in mind.

Nurse: Seriously the Glucophage can increase your fertility so be aware.

Me: Okay, thanks, please call it into walgreens.


well.. my responses are embellished a bit but her's not so much.

Gee... if Glucophage was all I needed I would have been pregnant years ago. And other than the obvious high risk issues... would it be so bad if I did get pregnant? Is there something that I don't know besides the risks a person of my size with HBP deal with? Seriously... it is happening to women smaller than me all around it seems so if we were lucky enough to have it happen, I would deal with the risk. Yet, I doubt we will be so lucky just from one med.

ETA: I know that I am uber sensitive right now and that probably added to the frustration. Plus, the nurse called me back no fewer than 3 times after this conversation today and it is very obvious that she was having a bad day since first she lost the pharmacy number than she wrote it down wrong. Now they are questioning a med I am on and she called at exactly 5pm when I was in the middle of the grocery store. So it starts all over again tomorrow but I am going to wait until I am on my way home to call her back. Hopefully it will be a quick question.

O... just another month or so of no news-

I have the first available appointment for that surgeon. She was just on vacation so she is backed up unfortunately and she only does these types of procedures two afternoons a week. At the location that is most convenient, her first available was Feb 2nd. I called the other office because for some reason this particular location is not linked with the central scheduling. Very strange since I am so used to just calling one place and they can tell me the openings for all locations. Anyhow, the farther location didn't have an opening until Feb 25th so the 2nd it is. I just hope that no matter what the results are that I will get them back promptly and before my birthday. That would really be the best way to start my 35th year, no matter what the word.

I have a feeling that she won't call with the blood work results until the biopsy is back with maybe the exception of the insulin/PCOS results.

I am already hanging on by a thread, just trying to figure out how to get a full day off sometime next weekend for only the 2nd time since Thanksgiving. I really need to focus on making good choices and not eating any trigger foods because with everything going on it is definitely a risk of a binge. I don't want to do that. I can't let myself comfort myself with food during this time. I already see it slipping into that with choices I have made over the last few days but I can't go back to that place.

Okay, back to work.

ETA: They called this afternoon. I didn't check the messages until right after they closed so I have to wait until Monday to find out what the blood work showed.

Call me flustered....

My doctor called me today. Yep. Cortisol levels are fine and so are the urine steroid tests so that is good. She still is waiting on the blood work but some of them take longer because they are specialized tests. However, she called about the ultrasound. I have to have a biopsy on my thyroid. It is enlarged but only slightly. However, there is at least 1 nodule that needs to be checked out. While nodules are typically benign, this was is above the "we'll just wait and see" size. I already checked and the dr she referred me to is on our insurance so I just have to wait for the medical office to determine if I have to have a precert for the biopsy or not. I don't think so since it is an outpatient procedure but who knows. I will probably call on Friday to schedule it since as of right now I will have some downtime that day. So that is what I know... yay... umm, not really.

Now to tell my mom and then not have her nag at me constantly about getting it scheduled and getting the results. At least this proves that if there is a problem, our clinic will call asap with results.

Tests and such...

Just a quick update... I had an ultrasound of my thyroid on Friday along with all the blood and urine tests the dr ordered. TMI I know but hopefully I will have the results before the 15th. The ultrasound tech said to follow up this week with the dr but I remember her telling me that she wouldn't call until all of the results are in. Usually the ultrasound tech at that place says 7-10 business days so I was a bit taken aback but she also was a much more casual tech than I have had in the past so trying not to read anything into her saying that.

So that is what I know...

2009 Goals

I am going to do this a bit differently this year since on paper I failed miserably last year at meeting my goals. I am going to set quarterly goals instead. Let's see how this goes....

1st Quarter Goals for 2009


1.Read one classic book

2.Read one nonfiction book (not about infertility)

3.Finish the office cleaning/organizing

4.Work towards following South beach Phase 2---90% of the time

5.Try 12 new recipes (including ones I make up as I go)

6.Register for another session of Tai Chi

7.Try Pho at Baaran's

8.Go to the Burpee Museum

So... are you a resolution person, goal person, or neither?

2008 In Books

I managed to read 32 books this year. I started a few in December but with work craziness they are still not done. In no particular order my 2008, top 8 are:

Rosewater and Soda Bread

Harriet the Spy

Townhouse, a novel

Stealing Buddha's Dinner

Good Grief

Good in Bed & Certain Girls A Slight Cheat but it is a sequel.

Water For Elephants

Empty Picture Frame


Three of these books were for the BBBT. I might of gotten around to two of them if I hadn't participated but I doubt I would have sought out The Empty Picture Frame

I am glad that I kept track of my books in Good Reads this year, otherwise, at this point I would have relatively no clue what I read in the first half of the year since my computer crashed. There is a widget on the side so you can see what I have just finished... it hasn't changed recently but hopefully that will change in the New Year!

What were your favorites of 2008?