Today I am feeling very anxious. I had a few panic attacks even when I was out on appointments. A few since I have been home too. I can't concentrate and I hate feeling this way. I don't understand where this anxiety came from. I haven't had this happen in a really long time and I don't know how to fix it right now because trying to solve it is overwhelming me even more. I felt a bit better when the dryer guy left and the bill was less than it would have been if we had automatically called the guy we were planning on calling. But the anxiety came back or never really left. When I feel this way dark thoughts are always working in the background. Things that make me scared about how I am thinking. I don't like this. Tomorrow needs to be a better mental day. I am going into the office to see if that helps a bit since I have been feeling trapped at home while working since my laptop broke.
I don't know if the whole visit to the cemetery sparked this or the discussion about trying to find an appropriate outfit for a very casual wedding and realizing that I am fatter than I have been in 5 years, but I am not going to pretend that it isn't happening. Most days life is fine and I can move past any dark or anxious thoughts to live my life. Today for some reason I am panicked and I don't like it one bit.