Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Still no answers...

GI doctor had no additional information. He thinks that if the stomach issues return and can't be controlled by the med he gave me that I need to have a colonscopy but he is willing to wait to see if the Nuvaring resolves the pain. My BP is running higher than it had been previously but isn't scary high... then again, it has only been 2 days. Hopefully it is just my stressing about it that is the cause of the increased numbers and not the actual med.

Pain is still there so no miracle cure but maybe it will disappear this month. Still not sure how to handle that but I was watching an older episode of THE TALK the other day. I had purposely been avoiding it for reasons unknown to me except that a friend informed me that it was about Jillian Micheal's adoption and PCOS. I guess that people have been annoyed with her about some comments in regards to pregnancy. She said something to a reporter about "not wanting to do that to her body" and since she was unprepared for that question in the interview she didn't address it the way that she wanted to. She actually has PCOS and Endometriosis. Her body is healthy right now and she had made the decision that taking the hormones she would need to get pregnant weren't worth wrecking the health she has built when she could adopt to achieve her goals. I guess this struck a cord with me because again I have been arguing with myself that going through treatments would be selfish and possibly harmful, especially if I can't even handle the hormones from various contraceptives. If these hormones are the same that would be injected, ingested, increased during the cycles and also any subsequent pregnancy, then it follows reasonable logic that the pregnancy would be detrimental and have consequences such as pre-eclampsia that could/would be potentially harmful to me, DH, family members, and worse of all our possible child.

Honestly, right now we can't do anything due to financial constraints. But I am in a complete Catch 22 when it comes to trying to help out the household. I want to get a part time job or a different full time job but with this pain, it doesn't seem like a good idea to job search until this is resolved. At the same time, the part time job sounds fine but a different full time job would mess with my schedule. I started on this current career path to make it easier for us when we would have children and yet 8 years later we are no closer to that point. So do I change careers again and not worry about the hours? Do I just hope that business will pick up and that I can find my niche in the future? Do I just go back to retail and keep my current professional license active so I can go back full time when things work out the way we wish for? Or do I go back to school and start a new path that would throw a wrench in the whole thing? Limbo I tell you... Limbo!

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