The holiday season seems to get harder and harder each year for me. I wish that I could just sit back and enjoy the preparation, food, and family without any resentment but I can't. I can't let myself get to that point to enjoy what I have. I don't want what I have if I can't have what I want. Why is that? Why can't I just enjoy family times, workfree days, and good food?
Because to me, my life, seems to be doing nothing. I don't feel I have a purpose since I am not building a future. I want so much to be Thankful for what I have and what I am right now but I don't know how because of the wall that bitterness has built around me.
Hopefully, I can figure out a way to break that wall... but right now, I can't even see thru it.