Yesterday we got a bunch of stuff done. I am not counting any of it as exercise though for my tally. Only because I am in a contest with family and gardening doesn't count for that one. The plan for the week is to be very good eating wise.
We went through the big freezer yesterday after finally being able to get to it for the first time since april. We have to throw out a bunch of stuff which stinks. Some of it was the cookie doughs we bought for various fund raisers. Guess I am doing better on not baking than I thought :) We had to throw out a whole bag of chicken breasts which stink because we would have eaten those had we moved them to the small freezer during the remodeling or after. They go bad next week but are full of ice crystals so I am not going to bother. I also forgot that I had bought Sugar Free cool whip and well, into the trash it goes without trying it since it is long out of date. I wonder if I should keep a list on the fridge of what is in the big freezer? It might help to make sure that things get used up accordingly.
Anyhow, there are lots of frozen veggies in both freezers. We have mahi mahi fillets and tilipia fillets. Looks like we will be eating a lot of fish in the next few weeks. At least, I can cook it on the foreman!
Gotta get back to work!
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Working Weekend
This weekend we decided that we were spending it all on working around the house. We have a huge list and it almost seems like it will never get done. I have been working on prepping the outside of the house to spray for bugs for hours it seems. Prep the outside you ask? Well, I am not going to spray for bugs and then have to clean off the spider webs after the fact. We decided not to wash the siding until the fall since we will probably get more bug guts and yuck on it before then.
DH mowed the lawn and did pull a lot of weeds but there are still a ton left in the back yard and he didn't pull the front yard yet. Don't get me started on that because it was weed free 2 weeks ago and now it is a mess again. I wish I knew what to use so that they didn't come back.
As we go along on this working weekend, our already page long list is getting longer. I have a list of 5 or 6 phone calls to make about work that needs to be done. Most of it, the kind that we don't have the money for but need to get estimates so that we can figure it out. I really just want to move. Moving would be so much easier than dealing with all of the items that need to be done on the house. If it didn't feel like we had already done so much to the house then I might feel differently but I don't think that we realized quite how much work needed to be done when we bought this house. Keeping up with the regular cleaning is hard enough, let alone all the things that need to be done to make it beautiful. However, we do have a goal but I don't know that we will ever reach it.
The goal:
To have everything done so that the house is only 2 weeks out from being listable What does that mean? I am not quite sure but I know that the big projects need to be done. The siding is the one that is boggling my mind right now. The dye is running off of it. If you rub up against the house you get a big green mark on you. Not good. It is ruining the window casings that we just replaced but hopefully they can be cleaned off.
Anyhow!
Gotta run and get back to work!
DH mowed the lawn and did pull a lot of weeds but there are still a ton left in the back yard and he didn't pull the front yard yet. Don't get me started on that because it was weed free 2 weeks ago and now it is a mess again. I wish I knew what to use so that they didn't come back.
As we go along on this working weekend, our already page long list is getting longer. I have a list of 5 or 6 phone calls to make about work that needs to be done. Most of it, the kind that we don't have the money for but need to get estimates so that we can figure it out. I really just want to move. Moving would be so much easier than dealing with all of the items that need to be done on the house. If it didn't feel like we had already done so much to the house then I might feel differently but I don't think that we realized quite how much work needed to be done when we bought this house. Keeping up with the regular cleaning is hard enough, let alone all the things that need to be done to make it beautiful. However, we do have a goal but I don't know that we will ever reach it.
The goal:
To have everything done so that the house is only 2 weeks out from being listable What does that mean? I am not quite sure but I know that the big projects need to be done. The siding is the one that is boggling my mind right now. The dye is running off of it. If you rub up against the house you get a big green mark on you. Not good. It is ruining the window casings that we just replaced but hopefully they can be cleaned off.
Anyhow!
Gotta run and get back to work!
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah
Whole lotta stuff going on. Not going to whine. Just busy and trying to stay on top of things instead of feeling overwhelmed.
Thank you for not smoking... not the great movie that everyone said it was in my opinion anyways. Guess dh agrees on this one.
Anyhow... surviving and trying to stay positive instead of whining.
Hope everyone has a productive weekend.
Thank you for not smoking... not the great movie that everyone said it was in my opinion anyways. Guess dh agrees on this one.
Anyhow... surviving and trying to stay positive instead of whining.
Hope everyone has a productive weekend.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Holidays and special get togethers
These days holidays and special get togethers always seem to turn into a battle. It has been going on for awhile. At first we just avoided all that we could. Isolation... it is good. Well that was the theory. Now, I am not so sure. The one thing that holidays, special events, and oh, just about any gathering of a large group of people tend to do is highlight our inadequacy. Well, at least mine. I have to believe that it effects DH too and not just now that he is in his 30's (hehe :) )
The reason that I believe that it effects him is that the fight of the year always occurs on these occasions. After the fight of the year occurs then, of course, we must discuss how we can't be parents since we have such negative reactions to silly things. How could we deal with the antics of a child if (fill in stupid reason here) effects us to the point of being so angry that we have the fight of the year? Then the revelation of "well, if we really wanted to be parents we would be doing more about it right now", nevermind that the money we had saved for the next step in whatever direction had to go to remodeling the kitchen and we now have an empty bank account for the next step. Then, of course, comes the discussion of how we must just not have the same goals anymore since it seems we really don't feel the same way about this struggle. Obviously, we aren't on the same path since it doesn't appear that we are equally effected by (fill in anything related to TTCing and children in general). After all that and much tears... well, then we still end up not doing XYZ or at least not together.
All of this, really makes it hard to appreciate the holidays and the special occassions in our lives. However, this 4th one thing did get decided. I just don't have it in me to rise above my desires and wants for a family. I don't have the strength that it takes to grieve that loss for the rest of my life. While I know that there are many benefits to living child free, such as there would be much more money to be directed into things that we want. To be perfectly honest, I don't care about that. I want to be called mommy. I want to be the family on the train to the Cubs game. I want to have to figure out how to deal with life when I have puke in my hair. I don't know why... it just is, and it can't be denied. I wish that it could. I have tried. Some might say not long enough but I think that 4 years of trying to figure it out is long enough. Now... where do we go from here?
The reason that I believe that it effects him is that the fight of the year always occurs on these occasions. After the fight of the year occurs then, of course, we must discuss how we can't be parents since we have such negative reactions to silly things. How could we deal with the antics of a child if (fill in stupid reason here) effects us to the point of being so angry that we have the fight of the year? Then the revelation of "well, if we really wanted to be parents we would be doing more about it right now", nevermind that the money we had saved for the next step in whatever direction had to go to remodeling the kitchen and we now have an empty bank account for the next step. Then, of course, comes the discussion of how we must just not have the same goals anymore since it seems we really don't feel the same way about this struggle. Obviously, we aren't on the same path since it doesn't appear that we are equally effected by (fill in anything related to TTCing and children in general). After all that and much tears... well, then we still end up not doing XYZ or at least not together.
All of this, really makes it hard to appreciate the holidays and the special occassions in our lives. However, this 4th one thing did get decided. I just don't have it in me to rise above my desires and wants for a family. I don't have the strength that it takes to grieve that loss for the rest of my life. While I know that there are many benefits to living child free, such as there would be much more money to be directed into things that we want. To be perfectly honest, I don't care about that. I want to be called mommy. I want to be the family on the train to the Cubs game. I want to have to figure out how to deal with life when I have puke in my hair. I don't know why... it just is, and it can't be denied. I wish that it could. I have tried. Some might say not long enough but I think that 4 years of trying to figure it out is long enough. Now... where do we go from here?
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Living Child Free
Living child free takes strength.
Living child free shows bravery.
Living child free displays confidence.
Living child free is not for me.
Living child free shows bravery.
Living child free displays confidence.
Living child free is not for me.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Milestones
Milestones are such an ominous thing at times. We make them out to be. Saying things like "I don't want to get old" and " At 40 your life is more than half over" just makes things worse. People know that they are getting old but you really are only as old as you allow yourself to be.
Three people in my immediate family have milestone birthdays this year. 75, 60, and 30. Yesterday was a surprise birthday party for my stepdad. He thought that his party was a few weeks ago, if there was going to be one at all. He was suprised and it was a nice party. My husband turns 30 on Friday... yes, I am the older one... but oh well. We are not having a surprise party as the funds are not available. I had big intentions that may just have to wait until he is 40, however, I hope that the funds won't be available then either but for other reasons. I am stuck on how to make his birthday special this year. I am working on a party when his sister is in town. We will see if that goes over well.
I have another party to plan by the end of the summer... My mom turns 60. I need to consult with my stepdad to see if he even wants to throw a party. I don't know what to do about it, however, we may have it at my cousin's house. Though, that might be a bit tricky as his wife may not be feeling all that great by then. They have been trying for almost a year for another child and she is having difficulties with her cycles. I feel bad for her because I understand it, yet at the same time I feel a bit vindicated because she thought for sure she would be pregnant in 3 months again. I know that it mean... I know that it is wrong... yet, she was really certain-almost cocky about it so, while I like her, I am not all that sad for her. Mean... I know...I am not a really mean person but something about babies and pregnancies tends to bring it out.
Anyhow... It is a summer of milestones. At the end of the summer, we will reach 4 years of TTCing without any luck. However, we had some breaks in there so maybe it doesn't count.
Milestones... any big ones coming up for you?
Three people in my immediate family have milestone birthdays this year. 75, 60, and 30. Yesterday was a surprise birthday party for my stepdad. He thought that his party was a few weeks ago, if there was going to be one at all. He was suprised and it was a nice party. My husband turns 30 on Friday... yes, I am the older one... but oh well. We are not having a surprise party as the funds are not available. I had big intentions that may just have to wait until he is 40, however, I hope that the funds won't be available then either but for other reasons. I am stuck on how to make his birthday special this year. I am working on a party when his sister is in town. We will see if that goes over well.
I have another party to plan by the end of the summer... My mom turns 60. I need to consult with my stepdad to see if he even wants to throw a party. I don't know what to do about it, however, we may have it at my cousin's house. Though, that might be a bit tricky as his wife may not be feeling all that great by then. They have been trying for almost a year for another child and she is having difficulties with her cycles. I feel bad for her because I understand it, yet at the same time I feel a bit vindicated because she thought for sure she would be pregnant in 3 months again. I know that it mean... I know that it is wrong... yet, she was really certain-almost cocky about it so, while I like her, I am not all that sad for her. Mean... I know...I am not a really mean person but something about babies and pregnancies tends to bring it out.
Anyhow... It is a summer of milestones. At the end of the summer, we will reach 4 years of TTCing without any luck. However, we had some breaks in there so maybe it doesn't count.
Milestones... any big ones coming up for you?
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