Monday, May 16, 2011
Please tell me that some time it will get easier!
I thought I was prepared. I knew it was coming. I knew that they were trying. Why is it that a simple "We're Pregnant" can still rock my world even though I am so, so very happy for them! The couple that is pregnant has tried for 5 years for their second child and the poor man's fertility method worked out of the blue for them (3 cycles on the pill and then boom on the 4th). I'm trying so very hard because I am really really thrilled for them but at the same time I am just so very sad for myself and my husband. We have come to terms that we won't be parents unless we come into some money in the future. We just don't have the funds to move forward with adoption or anything else right now and probably never will. So here we are... and this place is just as painful as it was before the work I did on accepting our situation. This sucks.
Saturday, April 02, 2011
April Challenge
I was trying to think of what goals I wanted to set for April and got stuck on a few so I decided to let the month dictate.
A=Accountability -- I am going to log my food again, make my trackers public, and post it on another message board that I am part of on a daily basis/regular basis.
P=Physical activity -- I will get in 10 min of cardio per day or at least 6 strength exercises each day
R=Read -- I will get back to reading for fun again with at least 15 min per day
I=Intake -- I will log my intake on sparkpeople and aim to be under 175 grams of carbs per day
L=Liquid -- I will drink at least 8 cups of water per day, limit pop to 1x per week, and drink at least 1 cup of tea per day.
Since I am starting this tomorrow I will weigh in just to get a starting number for these goals.
Anyone want to join me or have their own April challenge going on?
A=Accountability -- I am going to log my food again, make my trackers public, and post it on another message board that I am part of on a daily basis/regular basis.
P=Physical activity -- I will get in 10 min of cardio per day or at least 6 strength exercises each day
R=Read -- I will get back to reading for fun again with at least 15 min per day
I=Intake -- I will log my intake on sparkpeople and aim to be under 175 grams of carbs per day
L=Liquid -- I will drink at least 8 cups of water per day, limit pop to 1x per week, and drink at least 1 cup of tea per day.
Since I am starting this tomorrow I will weigh in just to get a starting number for these goals.
Anyone want to join me or have their own April challenge going on?
Thursday, March 03, 2011
Thankful
The mass is a cyst that lost half of it's size between the ultrasound and the MRI. No surgery yet. I have to go for another meeting with the dildocam in about 6-8 weeks and hopefully it will be gone. Since the pain I am having is still around on the right side and the right side cyst is gone the search for other issues is on. I have a call into the Gastro to work on scheduling a colonscopy. Both the PCP and the ob/gyn said that would be the next step at this point. Hopefully I can get in there next week or the week after.
On another note, I have a reunion with some women I went to Jr High with. Before I was excited but now, not so much. I was hoping to have a reason for my pain and now I am worried that if I say yes, I will feel awful that day and not want to go. This part of the issue is what sucks big time.
On another note, I have a reunion with some women I went to Jr High with. Before I was excited but now, not so much. I was hoping to have a reason for my pain and now I am worried that if I say yes, I will feel awful that day and not want to go. This part of the issue is what sucks big time.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Still processing...
I went to see a new PCP today and he had the results from my followup ultrasound yesterday. I have to have an MRI on Friday because they found an 8cm mass in my pelvic region. It is on the left side and all my pain has been on the right side so there still is a question of whether or not this will be cause of my pain but since it is pretty much 24/7 these days... The odd thing is that my ob/gyn wrote the orders for an MRI and for the nurse to notify me last night. I didn't hear anything from them today so the new dr ended up writing the order for the MRI so that I could get in this week. Obviously now I have to have the lap to have the mass removed and to see what else might be going on. I just don't get where this came from as I had an ultrasound 7 weeks ago.
Nervous doesn't really cut it right now...
Nervous doesn't really cut it right now...
Friday, February 04, 2011
Shouldn't be surprised...
I only made it 9 days with the Nuvaring before my blood pressure numbers were higher than we all would like. They weren't super scarey but I was averaging about 135/99 and that is over 20 pts higher on both sides than it was prior to using the ring. Plus my pulse went up over 15 points on average with several readings over 100 BPM. I have been off of it since Tuesday afternoon and I am still getting higher readings than I would like but hopefully it will calm down soon. I still need to find a new PCP and if it doesn't go down soon then I will have to find one sooner rather than later.
I have done well on 2011 goals with making new recipes and eating at home an average of 5 nights per week. I only missed last week with the new recipe goal but I think I made two new recipes one week so it balances out. I'm sure that at some point I will make more than one recipe in a week again so it's all good.
Work is super slow right now but hopefully it will pick up after the Superbowl. I have two orders that I have to wait until next week to inspect simply because the people aren't ready right now. I don't want to go to my appointment tomorrow because there isn't enough data. Blech. Oh well.
Better get back up off the couch and either use the Zumba for Wii game or get some more cleaning done.
Have an awesome weekend.
I have done well on 2011 goals with making new recipes and eating at home an average of 5 nights per week. I only missed last week with the new recipe goal but I think I made two new recipes one week so it balances out. I'm sure that at some point I will make more than one recipe in a week again so it's all good.
Work is super slow right now but hopefully it will pick up after the Superbowl. I have two orders that I have to wait until next week to inspect simply because the people aren't ready right now. I don't want to go to my appointment tomorrow because there isn't enough data. Blech. Oh well.
Better get back up off the couch and either use the Zumba for Wii game or get some more cleaning done.
Have an awesome weekend.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Still no answers...
GI doctor had no additional information. He thinks that if the stomach issues return and can't be controlled by the med he gave me that I need to have a colonscopy but he is willing to wait to see if the Nuvaring resolves the pain. My BP is running higher than it had been previously but isn't scary high... then again, it has only been 2 days. Hopefully it is just my stressing about it that is the cause of the increased numbers and not the actual med.
Pain is still there so no miracle cure but maybe it will disappear this month. Still not sure how to handle that but I was watching an older episode of THE TALK the other day. I had purposely been avoiding it for reasons unknown to me except that a friend informed me that it was about Jillian Micheal's adoption and PCOS. I guess that people have been annoyed with her about some comments in regards to pregnancy. She said something to a reporter about "not wanting to do that to her body" and since she was unprepared for that question in the interview she didn't address it the way that she wanted to. She actually has PCOS and Endometriosis. Her body is healthy right now and she had made the decision that taking the hormones she would need to get pregnant weren't worth wrecking the health she has built when she could adopt to achieve her goals. I guess this struck a cord with me because again I have been arguing with myself that going through treatments would be selfish and possibly harmful, especially if I can't even handle the hormones from various contraceptives. If these hormones are the same that would be injected, ingested, increased during the cycles and also any subsequent pregnancy, then it follows reasonable logic that the pregnancy would be detrimental and have consequences such as pre-eclampsia that could/would be potentially harmful to me, DH, family members, and worse of all our possible child.
Honestly, right now we can't do anything due to financial constraints. But I am in a complete Catch 22 when it comes to trying to help out the household. I want to get a part time job or a different full time job but with this pain, it doesn't seem like a good idea to job search until this is resolved. At the same time, the part time job sounds fine but a different full time job would mess with my schedule. I started on this current career path to make it easier for us when we would have children and yet 8 years later we are no closer to that point. So do I change careers again and not worry about the hours? Do I just hope that business will pick up and that I can find my niche in the future? Do I just go back to retail and keep my current professional license active so I can go back full time when things work out the way we wish for? Or do I go back to school and start a new path that would throw a wrench in the whole thing? Limbo I tell you... Limbo!
Pain is still there so no miracle cure but maybe it will disappear this month. Still not sure how to handle that but I was watching an older episode of THE TALK the other day. I had purposely been avoiding it for reasons unknown to me except that a friend informed me that it was about Jillian Micheal's adoption and PCOS. I guess that people have been annoyed with her about some comments in regards to pregnancy. She said something to a reporter about "not wanting to do that to her body" and since she was unprepared for that question in the interview she didn't address it the way that she wanted to. She actually has PCOS and Endometriosis. Her body is healthy right now and she had made the decision that taking the hormones she would need to get pregnant weren't worth wrecking the health she has built when she could adopt to achieve her goals. I guess this struck a cord with me because again I have been arguing with myself that going through treatments would be selfish and possibly harmful, especially if I can't even handle the hormones from various contraceptives. If these hormones are the same that would be injected, ingested, increased during the cycles and also any subsequent pregnancy, then it follows reasonable logic that the pregnancy would be detrimental and have consequences such as pre-eclampsia that could/would be potentially harmful to me, DH, family members, and worse of all our possible child.
Honestly, right now we can't do anything due to financial constraints. But I am in a complete Catch 22 when it comes to trying to help out the household. I want to get a part time job or a different full time job but with this pain, it doesn't seem like a good idea to job search until this is resolved. At the same time, the part time job sounds fine but a different full time job would mess with my schedule. I started on this current career path to make it easier for us when we would have children and yet 8 years later we are no closer to that point. So do I change careers again and not worry about the hours? Do I just hope that business will pick up and that I can find my niche in the future? Do I just go back to retail and keep my current professional license active so I can go back full time when things work out the way we wish for? Or do I go back to school and start a new path that would throw a wrench in the whole thing? Limbo I tell you... Limbo!
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