Barren Bitches Book Tour

Over the past few weeks I have been reading this book for an infertility book tour. It is a non fiction book that reads like a novel. The individuals were exhibiting real emotions. I found it very interesting that the character who spoke most to my own personal feelings about this journey was the husband. There were several moments where I felt like I was reading my own thoughts.
I read aloud several passages to my husband. It was nice to find something in print that echoed my own fears and feelings.


Formal Book Tour Questions

When I read how if one had asked the author 10 years earlier, she would have said that she didn't even want children, I felt better. I guess deep down I always knew that I wanted children, but having had a severely mentally and physically handicapped sister, I was scared. It was comforting to read about another woman's ambivalence and feelings of guilt. When I found out that I was losing ovarian function I could not believe that there was a strong possibility that I would never have a biological child. That spurred in me a determination I had not had in many years. Have you ever felt ambivalence towards parenthood prior to receiving your diagnosis?

I have dealt with an ambivalent feeling since we received the news that we might be dealing with Male factor along with my PCOS and insulin resistant issues. The ambivalence has lead me to question every reason that we want to be parents and every route that we might have to take to parenthood. It seems that the fact that it is going to be "hard" has driven the questions to the front and I have had to face them. There are days that I struggle with our decision at this point to put everything on hold due to financial issues. There are days when I say, ah well, better that we aren't parents. There are days that I sit in the dark and weep until there are no more tears that I can't have what I want most in the world (at that moment). I really feel that for most people the decision to be a parent falls more into the gray category than black and white. However, I know several people that knew right away that they didn't want children and took measures to make sure that it wouldn't happen. I wish for that clarity everyday.

Orenstein's friend, Larry, says on p. 47, "you can only feel the loss of something you've had." Orenstein gives her thoughts on the matter on page 50. Do you agree with Larry or Peggy?

I agree with Peggy. I do believe that you can feel the loss of something that you have never had. I had a "presumed" miscarriage while a family member was pregnant. There are times, birthdays, funny moments when I definitely feel the loss of that potential child. It was never confirmed but there is nothing else that it could have been and it still leaves a hole in my heart at time. There is definitely a feeling of loss tied to the events that will never be.



"I felt like the luckiest unlucky woman in the world" (p. 57). This quote really struck me. Do we naturally grasp for the silver lining in things? Do we always have to convince ourselves that something makes us lucky in order to keep going through the difficulties of life?

Do "we"? I honestly think that it is a person by person and situation by situation basis. Personally, especially lately, I am much more pessimistic than I would care to admit. I don't see the good in something, I only see the bad. When did this change? I am not sure. It might have been after I faced the reality of my "presumed" miscarriage. It might have been after the semen analysis results. Or, it might have been after my father died. But there definitely is a difference of how I respond to things is life and I don't like it. I have noticed the difference over the four years... of course this corresponds to our unsuccessful four years of trying to conceive.



Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/. This book club is open to everyone in the infertlity community so you can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: The Kid by Dan Savage.