Today is the wake of a long time family friend. I am not going. I will be at the funeral tomorrow... I may even attend the prayer service at the funeral home before the processional to the church. But,today, I am not going to the wake.
My mother points out that wakes/visitations/shivas whatever you call them in your family/social group are a part of life. She is absolutely correct. However, must we attend the wake of every individual we know and/or love? Occasionally, I think that not seeing the dead body might be a good thing. Some people need a visual for closure. I don't always need that. I got thru a major death without that visual. It was hard but I wasn't given the choice, the choice was made for me. I had to trust that people were telling the truth and yes, that person was dead. In this case I have the choice, yet, I am making the choice that some people will determine to be socially inexplicable.
I am not going to the wake because I am selfish. I don't want the last image, the one that will always be the first recalled in most situations, to be the image of her in the casket. I don't want to see the impact that cancer took on her. I have been informed of it during her last battle... I don't want the visual to go with the images that are already in my imagination. Selfish, yes, it is. I want to remember the lively, funny, caring, strong, beautiful woman the way that she was... alive. I already have regrets that any children I may be blessed with won't know her.
In this circumstance, I have decided, that I am okay with being selfish. I made sure that my mother didn't feel that she needed me to be there. I will see many people tomorrow that are no longer a daily fixture in my life... not many are regulars in my life anymore and that is something that I need to work on. But... today, I am only thinking about myself. This decision has been heartwrenching and that still is okay because I don't want to ever be easily selfish.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
"The Birth House" by Ami McKay
I finished this book. Once I got into the book it was hard to put it down. It is historical fiction that takes place in a small town in Nova Scotia. The main character is a midwife.
Dora Rare definately lives up to her last name. She is a rare character that makes you believe that you are right in her life. Definately worth a read if you enjoy historical fiction or reading about women.
Dora Rare definately lives up to her last name. She is a rare character that makes you believe that you are right in her life. Definately worth a read if you enjoy historical fiction or reading about women.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Maybe I did do something right in College....
| You scored as Psychology/Sociology, You should strongly consider majoring (or minoring) in Psychology, Sociology, or related majors (e.g., Counseling, Industrial-Organizational (I-O) Psychology, Social Work, or other social science majors). It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it. Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests. Psychology and Sociology are both great minors to add to any major. Please post your results in your myspace/blog/journal.
WHAT MAJOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU? created with QuizFarm.com |
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Blog Fodder
At a loss for words? Not sure what to blog about today? Have you checked out
Blog Fodder? There is a topic for every week of the year so far. Maybe something will spark a post in you.
Blog Fodder? There is a topic for every week of the year so far. Maybe something will spark a post in you.
Amazing Differences
Sometimes it really amazes me how different the experiences that my husband and I have had. I grew up in the Chicago Suburbs and he grew up in the 2nd biggest metro area within the same state. It isn't the big things that amaze me like the big differences between the families. It is the little things that strike me as most odd.
He didn't know who the Fantastic Four were. He has never read or watched Little House on the Prairie. He has never been the to the Sears tower--okay, this is one of the things I take for granted that everyone has experienced.
There are so many others and each one just serves as a reminder that everyone is different. Even if you think that they should feel, be, act, do, think, speak, the same.
He didn't know who the Fantastic Four were. He has never read or watched Little House on the Prairie. He has never been the to the Sears tower--okay, this is one of the things I take for granted that everyone has experienced.
There are so many others and each one just serves as a reminder that everyone is different. Even if you think that they should feel, be, act, do, think, speak, the same.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Fat Fighters
While I am not a fat fighter blogger, I do enjoy checking out new blogs in the directory. I have come across a few that I subscribe to via bloglines now. Mostly women bloggers with PCOS. While I find it helpful to read about others weight loss successes and struggles, it is very difficult for me to post about my own lately.
I have posted when I am struggling, which, to be perfectly honest has been this whole year. I don't like to focus on successes because they so easily disappear as was the case in September of last year. Mostly, I just lurk and try to comment when it seems appropriate. When someone is struggling, it takes a lot of courage to tell the world. But at the same time, when someone succeeds, they usually don't want to jinx it.
Some of the support systems that I use are message boards. But like most things, you only get out of it what you put in. When I am struggling I pull away for posting. I don't ever stop reading...well I shouldn't say that. I do stop reading when I am so far down in the hole that nothing is going to pull me back up. Normally, I am able to keep myself toddling along well enough that I don't get to that point.
As I posted last week, I am struggling, and I still can't get it together. I do great for part of the day and then lose it. Or I start out cruddy, get better, and then lose it again. I just can't figure out what was different about last summer. I know it wasn't exercise. I know that I was taking a different med but I wasn't always taking it. I know that I was counting carbs... and I think I am just going to have to succumb to doing this again. It is such a pain but... I need to get back to that place where I would do whatever it takes. Is there a map someone can send me?
I have posted when I am struggling, which, to be perfectly honest has been this whole year. I don't like to focus on successes because they so easily disappear as was the case in September of last year. Mostly, I just lurk and try to comment when it seems appropriate. When someone is struggling, it takes a lot of courage to tell the world. But at the same time, when someone succeeds, they usually don't want to jinx it.
Some of the support systems that I use are message boards. But like most things, you only get out of it what you put in. When I am struggling I pull away for posting. I don't ever stop reading...well I shouldn't say that. I do stop reading when I am so far down in the hole that nothing is going to pull me back up. Normally, I am able to keep myself toddling along well enough that I don't get to that point.
As I posted last week, I am struggling, and I still can't get it together. I do great for part of the day and then lose it. Or I start out cruddy, get better, and then lose it again. I just can't figure out what was different about last summer. I know it wasn't exercise. I know that I was taking a different med but I wasn't always taking it. I know that I was counting carbs... and I think I am just going to have to succumb to doing this again. It is such a pain but... I need to get back to that place where I would do whatever it takes. Is there a map someone can send me?
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