Fat Fighters

While I am not a fat fighter blogger, I do enjoy checking out new blogs in the directory. I have come across a few that I subscribe to via bloglines now. Mostly women bloggers with PCOS. While I find it helpful to read about others weight loss successes and struggles, it is very difficult for me to post about my own lately.

I have posted when I am struggling, which, to be perfectly honest has been this whole year. I don't like to focus on successes because they so easily disappear as was the case in September of last year. Mostly, I just lurk and try to comment when it seems appropriate. When someone is struggling, it takes a lot of courage to tell the world. But at the same time, when someone succeeds, they usually don't want to jinx it.

Some of the support systems that I use are message boards. But like most things, you only get out of it what you put in. When I am struggling I pull away for posting. I don't ever stop reading...well I shouldn't say that. I do stop reading when I am so far down in the hole that nothing is going to pull me back up. Normally, I am able to keep myself toddling along well enough that I don't get to that point.

As I posted last week, I am struggling, and I still can't get it together. I do great for part of the day and then lose it. Or I start out cruddy, get better, and then lose it again. I just can't figure out what was different about last summer. I know it wasn't exercise. I know that I was taking a different med but I wasn't always taking it. I know that I was counting carbs... and I think I am just going to have to succumb to doing this again. It is such a pain but... I need to get back to that place where I would do whatever it takes. Is there a map someone can send me?

Struggling...

I am really struggling with my weight loss goals. I can't seem to see beyond the moment right now and am making bad choices. It is not a good thing. It is not a horrible thing but definitely not good. I am not binging. That is a plus. I am just choosing foods that I shouldn't. I am not exercising the way that I should though I am getting more in than I have in most "off the road" phases previously.

I am holding on by a thread to not binge. I don't want to sit here and drown my sorrows in food. I don't want to bury my anger in ice cream. This is so different than it has been in the past. But I am still struggling. I still am stopping for fast food when I could go home and eat veggies and fruit. I am choosing foods that are not good for my insulin level when I know that I shouldn't be. I am not taking my meds the way that I should be.

All of these things are adding up to no success. As of this morning, I am sitting at 4.5lbs over my January 1st weigh in. That is 18lbs over my lowest weight from last September. I can't blame all of it on hormones... but the desire is there. I need to find my MOJO again and I don't know where it is... I don't know where to look.

Part of the problem is that I am so afraid of having to find a bathroom when I am out on appointments so I don't always eat when I should. This makes it harder to stay on plan. I did find a breakfast that fills me up for awhile... so maybe I will stick with that and see how it goes. Sounds crazy to let bathroom locations dictate your eating habits but I don't know what else to do. I was doing okay when I was taking my pills on a regular basis but then I would eat too many carbs and things would not be good.

Updated: I did take my pills as required today, however, I ate way too much garlic bread at dinner and had a carb fest in the afternoon. One of these days it will all flow the way it should.

YOU, The Owner's Manual

I finally finished this book. It really didn't have too much information in it that shocked me. I thought that a lot of the information was available already, but I was suprised to read about all of the benefits of folic acid. I had always thought it was just necessary for women who were trying to get pregnant or who were already. Not true, folic acid is very important for complete health and cancer prevention. I would definitely recommend it to anyone who is looking for general health information. The recipes in the back of the book look yummy but I haven't tried any of them yet. I am excited to read the next book YOU, On a Diet because the information in this book leads me to believe that the diet plan that they offer is very moderate and nutritious. The final chapter in this book goes over the basics, has a food plan, and has sample recipes.

There are several different topics that are covered in this book. There is a chapter on every organ system and additional topics. Most of the recommendations end up being repeated throughout the book for health in every area.

Worth a read, even if you think you know it all about health and wellness, if only for the humor throughout the book.

YOU + Owner's Manual

Happy 2007!!

Wow, I can't believe that another year has gone by. It was an even year too and usually those are pretty good to me. No such luck this year. Right now my wonderful DH is going through some medical testing and it is boggling my mind why they can't find anything. On top of that we went through some pretty cruddy stuff this year and well, I'm glad it is over.

On to bigger and better things, though, I hope that one of the bigger things is not me. I only lost a total of 9 pounds this year but of course, It was more than that at one point. Well...such is life and I can't change it now right?

Anyways... Welcome to 2007! May it be a banner year for everyone!




today's weight: 254