All Things Deb

2011 Book Challenge

2011-11-12T15:54:00.002-06:00

Still working on my goal of 45 books for Dragondreamer's Lair book challenge. I have a total of 32 books read plus 2 audio books completed so still need another 12 or so depending on how many more audio books I get finished. I have given up on just using audio books when I work out. Right now I am listening to "Bitch is the New Black" by Helena Andrews.

I think you can access my list of read in 2011 by clicking on the title of this post.

....

2011-11-09T16:50:00.001-06:00

Negative... what else is new.

My world could change or crumble with a phone call

2011-11-09T08:33:00.003-06:00

Today I am waiting for that yes or no call from the doctor. I had a followup from my surgery yesterday (all good) and when I told her my symptoms over the past 3 weeks she thought a blood pregnancy test was in order just to make sure that I am not one of the 1% that HPT's don't work for as I have never had a positive even when I probably should have.

Here's hoping that the nausea, fatigue, constipation, headaches, lack of concentration, and weepyness over the past 3 weeks along with a super light period are for a positive reason.....
and not just a manifestation of some other issue such as depression or thyroid.

I'm terrified of the answer since with a positive our life will change. With a negative I'm afraid of letting my emotions take over.

Supposed to know before 2pm today.... Yikes.

Edit 3:30pm: No phone call, the big question now, do I call or assume it is negative?

Oh how you taunt me...

2011-10-21T05:43:00.002-05:00

Oh how you taunt me, you silly pee stick. Today is cycle day 26 and I woke up with a migraine so as a desperate attempt to find some sunshine today I decided to use FMU to see if we actually caught the egg that I supposedly released. Depending on the light there is a slight line but I took the darn thing apart and it must just be an evaporation line. It's not over yet but if my headache is any indication it will be on Sunday. Yay, just in time for the worst day of my cycle to be while we are flying to Florida for my Grandmother's funeral. Gah!

Holding on to a thread of hope...

The Truth About trying

2011-10-19T15:30:00.000-05:00

Two good things have come my way....

2011-10-18T18:38:00.002-05:00

I actually got a CD22 progesterone test done yesterday and the nurse called me today with the results. I wanted to get it done so that I had the info when I go back for my last followup with my ob/gyn from my surgery in a few weeks. The level was 15 for a non-medicated cycle. From everything I can find it seems like that means I ovulated on my own this month. I didn't chart and I wish I would have but oh well, too late now. Of course now to keep my mind off of it for the next several days....

The other good thing was getting some work issues resolved that I have been dealing with for 6 weeks. It's been very trying since the item that I needed to take care of expires tomorrow but it is resolved and in the best way possible so I am a happy camper today.

Better get walking, I'm doing a virtual walk to Lake Michigan with hopefully a completion date by Thanksgiving but I am already behind so off I go!

Have a healthy day!

Answers?

2011-08-23T09:13:00.002-05:00

Well Maybe? The lap, which was more complicated than it should have been due to a blood vessel injury, showed that I do have Endometriosis. Shouldn't really be surprised by that as I have read that since my mom had it I was 5-10 times more likely to have it depending on the source that I read. It wasn't in any spots that would allow it to be completely removed but she did free the organs and things that were stuck together so that alone should help with my pain level. The good news is that it was not on my ovaries or tubes and the tubes were clear. Now to decide what to do. We are thinking a 3 month course of Lupron if we can afford it.

Off to the dr today for a follow up and to see if she will release me for work. She said I could go back if I could drive without narcotics and until yesterday I hadn't made it a full day without any narcotic pain meds though I did take some at night to sleep. Today I am trying again to not take any and have actually gotten up, taken a shower, and gotten dressed. It looks nasty outside so I guess I won't be trying to go for a walk to the mail box. Right now though I am ready for a nap. I have 5 orders waiting with due dates of at least next Wednesday so I really want to try and get back in the work groove.

Hope all is well out there is cyberland.

tomorrow, Tomorrow...

2011-08-09T13:31:00.002-05:00

The sun's already out but hopefully the answer will be coming out tomorrow. I have surgery set up for sometime in the morning and they are looking for the answer to the abdominal pain but also will be checking to see if my tubes are clear. It seems like it took forever to get to this point but I'm waiting for it to be over...

Weird Space

2011-07-03T17:52:00.003-05:00

Well hello there... it has been awhile. Things have been a bit crazy around here. I ended up in the emergency room again so now I am waiting for the surgery scheduler to call and set up a time to do a lap with a tube test. I chose to skip Lupron for now as we don't even know if this is endo or some other problem. Seems crazy to treat with nasty hormones when I have had such a bad reaction to hormonal birth control in the past. The pain from the surgery might last a few weeks but the hormones may mess up something all together. My ob/gyn has thrown around the I word a lot in her notes so the scheduler said that there is a possibility that our insurance company will deny to pay for the surgery. A letter of medical necessity might change their minds but since that isn't always successful we just won't know until it's all scheduled and authorized. I am scheduled for a 21 day progesterone test. Not sure if I will do it on the 11th or if I will just wait for another cycle. I almost think I will just wait because getting pregnant right now is the least of my worries, however, if this is endo than supposedly pregnancy helps with the pain. ;( Right now I would just love to have a few days of no pain and no period. These days I am only close to pain free during my period. Not typical of endo which is the other reason for not choosing Lupron. My doctor said something about just having bad Mittelschmerz. But 5-8 days of severe abdominal pain with almost continuous pain throughout the rest of the cycle? Vomiting/nausea and pain all the way up to my shoulder? If that is the case, please, take my ovaries because I can't deal with this anymore.

Please tell me that some time it will get easier!

2011-05-16T15:16:00.002-05:00

I thought I was prepared. I knew it was coming. I knew that they were trying. Why is it that a simple "We're Pregnant" can still rock my world even though I am so, so very happy for them! The couple that is pregnant has tried for 5 years for their second child and the poor man's fertility method worked out of the blue for them (3 cycles on the pill and then boom on the 4th). I'm trying so very hard because I am really really thrilled for them but at the same time I am just so very sad for myself and my husband. We have come to terms that we won't be parents unless we come into some money in the future. We just don't have the funds to move forward with adoption or anything else right now and probably never will. So here we are... and this place is just as painful as it was before the work I did on accepting our situation. This sucks.

April Challenge

2011-04-02T12:43:00.000-05:00

I was trying to think of what goals I wanted to set for April and got stuck on a few so I decided to let the month dictate.

A=Accountability -- I am going to log my food again, make my trackers public, and post it on another message board that I am part of on a daily basis/regular basis.

P=Physical activity -- I will get in 10 min of cardio per day or at least 6 strength exercises each day

R=Read -- I will get back to reading for fun again with at least 15 min per day

I=Intake -- I will log my intake on sparkpeople and aim to be under 175 grams of carbs per day

L=Liquid -- I will drink at least 8 cups of water per day, limit pop to 1x per week, and drink at least 1 cup of tea per day.

Since I am starting this tomorrow I will weigh in just to get a starting number for these goals.

Anyone want to join me or have their own April challenge going on?

Thankful

2011-03-03T13:12:00.002-06:00

The mass is a cyst that lost half of it's size between the ultrasound and the MRI. No surgery yet. I have to go for another meeting with the dildocam in about 6-8 weeks and hopefully it will be gone. Since the pain I am having is still around on the right side and the right side cyst is gone the search for other issues is on. I have a call into the Gastro to work on scheduling a colonscopy. Both the PCP and the ob/gyn said that would be the next step at this point. Hopefully I can get in there next week or the week after.

On another note, I have a reunion with some women I went to Jr High with. Before I was excited but now, not so much. I was hoping to have a reason for my pain and now I am worried that if I say yes, I will feel awful that day and not want to go. This part of the issue is what sucks big time.

Still processing...

2011-02-23T17:45:00.002-06:00

I went to see a new PCP today and he had the results from my followup ultrasound yesterday. I have to have an MRI on Friday because they found an 8cm mass in my pelvic region. It is on the left side and all my pain has been on the right side so there still is a question of whether or not this will be cause of my pain but since it is pretty much 24/7 these days... The odd thing is that my ob/gyn wrote the orders for an MRI and for the nurse to notify me last night. I didn't hear anything from them today so the new dr ended up writing the order for the MRI so that I could get in this week. Obviously now I have to have the lap to have the mass removed and to see what else might be going on. I just don't get where this came from as I had an ultrasound 7 weeks ago.

Nervous doesn't really cut it right now...

Shouldn't be surprised...

2011-02-04T16:12:00.002-06:00

I only made it 9 days with the Nuvaring before my blood pressure numbers were higher than we all would like. They weren't super scarey but I was averaging about 135/99 and that is over 20 pts higher on both sides than it was prior to using the ring. Plus my pulse went up over 15 points on average with several readings over 100 BPM. I have been off of it since Tuesday afternoon and I am still getting higher readings than I would like but hopefully it will calm down soon. I still need to find a new PCP and if it doesn't go down soon then I will have to find one sooner rather than later.

I have done well on 2011 goals with making new recipes and eating at home an average of 5 nights per week. I only missed last week with the new recipe goal but I think I made two new recipes one week so it balances out. I'm sure that at some point I will make more than one recipe in a week again so it's all good.

Work is super slow right now but hopefully it will pick up after the Superbowl. I have two orders that I have to wait until next week to inspect simply because the people aren't ready right now. I don't want to go to my appointment tomorrow because there isn't enough data. Blech. Oh well.

Better get back up off the couch and either use the Zumba for Wii game or get some more cleaning done.

Have an awesome weekend.

Still no answers...

2011-01-25T10:34:00.002-06:00

GI doctor had no additional information. He thinks that if the stomach issues return and can't be controlled by the med he gave me that I need to have a colonscopy but he is willing to wait to see if the Nuvaring resolves the pain. My BP is running higher than it had been previously but isn't scary high... then again, it has only been 2 days. Hopefully it is just my stressing about it that is the cause of the increased numbers and not the actual med.

Pain is still there so no miracle cure but maybe it will disappear this month. Still not sure how to handle that but I was watching an older episode of THE TALK the other day. I had purposely been avoiding it for reasons unknown to me except that a friend informed me that it was about Jillian Micheal's adoption and PCOS. I guess that people have been annoyed with her about some comments in regards to pregnancy. She said something to a reporter about "not wanting to do that to her body" and since she was unprepared for that question in the interview she didn't address it the way that she wanted to. She actually has PCOS and Endometriosis. Her body is healthy right now and she had made the decision that taking the hormones she would need to get pregnant weren't worth wrecking the health she has built when she could adopt to achieve her goals. I guess this struck a cord with me because again I have been arguing with myself that going through treatments would be selfish and possibly harmful, especially if I can't even handle the hormones from various contraceptives. If these hormones are the same that would be injected, ingested, increased during the cycles and also any subsequent pregnancy, then it follows reasonable logic that the pregnancy would be detrimental and have consequences such as pre-eclampsia that could/would be potentially harmful to me, DH, family members, and worse of all our possible child.

Honestly, right now we can't do anything due to financial constraints. But I am in a complete Catch 22 when it comes to trying to help out the household. I want to get a part time job or a different full time job but with this pain, it doesn't seem like a good idea to job search until this is resolved. At the same time, the part time job sounds fine but a different full time job would mess with my schedule. I started on this current career path to make it easier for us when we would have children and yet 8 years later we are no closer to that point. So do I change careers again and not worry about the hours? Do I just hope that business will pick up and that I can find my niche in the future? Do I just go back to retail and keep my current professional license active so I can go back full time when things work out the way we wish for? Or do I go back to school and start a new path that would throw a wrench in the whole thing? Limbo I tell you... Limbo!

Lemon Thyme Pork Medallions

2011-01-19T19:16:00.001-06:00

I found this recipe in the WW Cook It Quick cookbook. It really is a quick recipe and both of us felt is a keeper for our house. It was nice to finally hit a recipe that we both liked as the last few have sort of flopped around here.

Limbo forever?

2011-01-16T18:57:00.003-06:00

Sometimes I feel like my life will be in limbo forever. I realize that isn't possible. Everyday things change. I just feel stuck....

Of course what the doctor said on Friday didn't really help much. She believes it is just a typical monthly follicle that formed a cyst and that this is happening every month or two. She claims that since it didn't change either it is a new one or it just hasn't been given enough time to disappear yet. Three options. Use some form of hormonal birth control to see if that stops the pain/stops the formation of cysts, get another ultrasound in 6-8 weeks to see if the cyst disappears or if there is another, undergo an laparoscopy to see what is going on. I opted for a month or two of the nuvaring to see if I can tolerate it/if the pain suddenly disappears. No guarantee it won't piss off my blood pressure so need to keep an eye on that and just DWI. If the nuvaring doesn't work/can't be used then I'm going to ask for another ultrasound. If there is still a cyst there then it is time for surgery. I'm not sure how I will handle it if it works. Does that mean that I am actually ovulating occassionally? Or is it one of these things where the follicle is forming but not releasing the egg? I don't know.

But, I am strangely holding out hope that the GI doctor has a definite cause on Tuesday.

Grrrrrrr. I had really hoped to be out of pain by my birthday.

2011 Goals

2011-01-09T13:40:00.001-06:00

Just realized I never posted my yearly goals over here.

1. Take a family free trip with DH (We haven’t had a vacation that didn’t involve family somehow since our Honeymoon with the exception of a quick weekend for our 5th anniversary)

2. Clean out the 3rd bedroom and get it set up as a guest bedroom or additional office

3. Check off 4 items on my DH’s “I’ve never been to:” list and maybe 1 of them will be a new item for me as well.

4. Keep up with my inperson weightloss support group as long as it is a good tool for me.

5. Cook dinner an average of 5 times per week, even if it means using a stashed item from the freezer.

6. Try 1 new recipe a week

7. Be in a full exercise routine by the end of the year that amounts to a minimum of 150 minutes a week but averaging closer to 240 minutes per week.

8. Keep up with the 15 min decluttering/15 min reading per day throughout the year.

May 2011 be a successful year for everyone!

Maybe I'm not crazy...

2011-01-07T12:46:00.004-06:00

or maybe I still am. Tired of being a whiner, I stopped talking about what was going with me because I just thought it was going to be a part of everyday life with no known cause. It has started to seem that way after intermittent abdominal pain over the past 8 months. Appendicitis has been ruled out. My ob/gyn wasn't convinced that it was the ovarian cysts that were seen on both CT scans. My GI doctor thought she was probably right. Hopefully in the next week or so we will have a definite answer or at least a course of treatment.

The followup ultrasound showed that the cyst has not disappeared. Ob/Gyn says I need to come in to discuss options but of course I can't get in for another week. GI sent a letter that the blood work all came back normal so I don't have celiac disease and there isn't any inflammation showing so it most likely is not Chron's or Colitis. Yesterday I had another test that looks at the intestines more closely so hopefully this will show if there is a bowel issue.

I'm still processing and I hope that the Ob/Gyn has a quick answer.

Book Challenge Final Update!

2011-01-01T16:52:00.002-06:00

I didn't make my goal this year. It was sort of a surprise but not really. I did finally get through most of the Harry Potter series and I might just finish it today. Too bad I didn't take the time that I should have to read this year.

My reading list is here

May everyone has a wonderful 2011!

Getting into the Christmas Spirit

2010-12-06T13:22:00.002-06:00

Reusing TShirts

2010-11-18T08:51:00.002-06:00

Okay the undies seem a bit extreme but the rest seem a bit interesting.

Yummm,

2010-11-10T17:22:00.002-06:00

This sounds really good. Guess I will have to add it to the to try list. Not really a low carb recipe so it won't help me meet my New Year goals but it still looks worth trying :)

Revive's new single "Blink" with lyrics

2010-11-10T07:54:00.000-06:00

I can't get this song out of my head :)

2010 Book Challenge Update 3

2010-11-10T07:47:00.003-06:00

Dragondreamer's Lair is hosting a book challenge again this year. I set my goal at 40 books since last year I exceeded my goal of 35. I keep track of my books at Goodreads.com and there is a widget in my sidebar that shows my recently read books.

Finding it harder to meet my goal this year but there are still a few weeks left ;)

2010 Read List

1. Heart and Soul by Maeve Binchy
2. The Good Sister by Diana Diamond
3. My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult
4. Prevention's Sugar Solution
5. The Pursuit of Other Interests by Jim Kokoris
6. The Pearl in the Storm by Tori Murden McClure
7. Now or Never: Why we must act now to end climate change and create a sustainable future by Tim Flannery
8. Everyone is Beautiful by Katherine Center
9. The IHOP Papers by Ali Liebegott
10. Chest Pains: A Novel by Janet Nichols Lynch
11. The Help by Kathryn Stockett
12. Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson
13. Jemima J by Jane Green
14. Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth
15. Scarlet Feather by Maeve Binchy
16. Lark and Termite by Jayne Anne Phillips
17. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by JK Rowling
18. The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls
19. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by JK Rowling
20. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince by JK Rowling

Ode To Joy

2010-11-06T09:10:00.000-05:00

2010-10-12T18:24:00.002-05:00

It never fails that when we are on a downward spiral and things start looking up again, something else comes up. DH is not recovering very well from his appendectomy. He is having an issue with pain and a lump in an incision. He may also be dealing with some other issues but he is very uncomfortable all the way around. I went and got my mammo done. Since I was there I figured I might as well do a wrist mri too... oh wait, it was the other way around :P I see the hand doctor on Friday to get the results as I am still in as much and usually more pain as I was when DH first pushed me out of bed in July. I'm sure that so much driving and typing hasn't helped so I have been trying to reduce my nonwork computer time but that isn't always possible.

Trying to be thankful about all the little things and trying to not freak out about all the bills that are coming in for medical issues and car repairs. It just makes me want to try to find a different job even though we are busy. At least then we might have a steady income instead of never knowing what is going to be coming in each month. I'm honestly tired of worrying about it even as I had to authorize $800 in repairs on my car today and that is before the brakes are replaced :( It has to get better right? There has to be an upswing on this at some point. I firmly believe that.

Things are returning to normal around here.

2010-09-25T08:49:00.002-05:00

DH drove himself to/from work the past two days and worked almost a full day yesterday so he is feeling better. I'm still a bit behind on work but if I play catch up this weekend I should be able to knock it all out and gain a bit on the week ahead.

The car did end up just being the radiator so less than $500. We can handle that. It sounded a lot worse at the time and thankfully the coolant had just evaporated instead of backflowing into the engine system. The hospital bill isn't as pleasant but at least my bill from July ended up being paid with just our copay that we already took care of so that is good. Now, if only I had realized what this could be, we could have just had a $150 bill as well for him or at least for most of it. Oh well.

Still working on weight loss. I have changed things up for the next few weeks just to figure out if I can get out of this 5lb range I have been stuck in.

I am supposed to go to a book group meetup on Tuesday and well, I just started the book this morning. Hopefully I will be able to get most of it read this weekend as I have really wanted to read The Glass Castle for awhile.

Have an awesome weekend!

Well....

2010-09-14T06:34:00.003-05:00

I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I am just so very tired. The last two months have been crazy with work and the past few weeks have been drama filled at home. My DH had an appendectomy. Glad that it was only that and he was home 24 hours after surgery. He spent less than 47.5 hours in the hospital so that is good but it is going to hurt the family building budget. His car took a turn yesterday and basically blew up. Well, hopefully it is just the radiator but who knows. We won't know for a few days. I had driven us in the broken car to the shop just for a code check on the check engine light when we noticed that it was overheating. When we got to the shop we weren't able to drive it home. Not totally comfortable with that because this is a new to us shop but they are super busy so hopefully that means they are good and reasonable. They will be working on it as they can fit it in but their next appointment wasn't until next Monday. I hope that they have an answer for us before then but if they don't... oh well. What really peeves me is that the warranty ran out 2 weeks ago and it was just at the dealer a few weeks ago for a check up. GRRRR. But bonus... I was able to walk the 1.75 miles home in about 30 minutes to get the other car so that I could pick up DH. He can barely walk the block we live on let alone that distance right now.

Okay, today is supposed to be a new day with a new 'tude so I'm letting it go. But it is hard to let it go when every penny spent means the more likely we will just be a family of two forever.

Goals for September

2010-09-01T08:41:00.002-05:00

I have been stuck in the same 3lb range since June but possibly May.

Goals for September:

* Finally break into the 240’s permanently
* Continue working on Halloween challenge goals
* Take at least 4 complete days off of work

Week 1 of my Halloween challenge goals went well. I'm struggling with meeting the exercise minutes for this week as I need another 75 in 2 days to get it. But when I break that down now looking at it it is less than 45 minutes each day. If I go to Zumba class tonight I will be close to there and if I go to the gym tomorrow as planned I will probably exceed it. I can do this. I just need to make the time to.

2010 Book Challenge Update 2

2010-08-21T17:40:00.000-05:00

Dragondreamer's Lair is hosting a book challenge again this year. I set my goal at 40 books since last year I exceeded my goal of 35. I keep track of my books at Goodreads.com and there is a widget in my sidebar that shows my recently read books.

2010 Read List

1. Heart and Soul by Maeve Binchy
2. The Good Sister by Diana Diamond
3. My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult
4. Prevention's Sugar Solution
5. The Pursuit of Other Interests by Jim Kokoris
6. The Pearl in the Storm by Tori Murden McClure
7. Now or Never: Why we must act now to end climate change and create a sustainable future by Tim Flannery
8. Everyone is Beautiful by Katherine Center
9. The IHOP Papers by Ali Liebegott
10. Chest Pains: A Novel by Janet Nichols Lynch
11. The Help by Kathryn Stockett
12. Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson
13. Jemima J by Jane Green
14. Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth
15. Scarlet Feather by Maeve Binchy

Halloween Challenge

2010-08-20T06:47:00.002-05:00

I am challenging myself to meet the following goals by Halloween.

1. Increase exercise minutes by 15 min per week until reach 240 or the end of the challenge whichever comes first. I missed my 90 min goal for this week by 2 minutes so that is my first goal for the upcoming week.

2. Track carbs at least 4 days per week. Yesterday was the first day that I tracked in well over a month. I came in well within the acceptable range but my calories were low.

3. Because my journey isn't only about weight I am going to tackle the two most annoying things in our house right now. The master bedroom closet and the mountain of work paperwork.

Should pose for an interesting challenge. I will be posting updates on my weightloss blog.

Wowzas it has been awhile...

2010-08-14T18:34:00.002-05:00

I am still around. Still reading blogs here and there but have been more addicted to Facebook again. I have stopped playing games on there so my reading is primarily just going to be through my phone from now on. That should curb some of the obsession :P

It has been a crazy few months/weeks. Not quite sure why since my work numbers are not that high but things take a lot longer to complete these days. The house is still in need of painting and a good cleaning. Oh well, not going to fret about it. We are still running up to see my MIL about every 2 or 3 weeks though and two of those trips have been during workdays for me so I think that is part of the issue. I had a nice chat with her and she knows that it isn't the easiest thing for us to come and visit all the time. Unfortunately we are the only ones that she can rely on to regularly be available to her so I think that adds to the frustration. My BIL finally went up there again (he hasn't been there since Mother's Day) and he stayed for a total of about 18 hours. I sort of broached the subject that she might want to find a service to do her grocery shopping on the weeks that we can't be there but that didn't go over too well. If she lived closer we could just place a delivery order for her online and there wouldn't be any worries at all if she couldn't get to the store. I am really hoping that when my SIL comes for a visit that they will take a trip on the paratransit bus with her so that she can be more comfortable with riding it, however, it still won't work for grocery shopping since she would need to carry all of her own parcels.

After the initial visit with my ob/gyn I have been able to get my BP controlled on a safe medication but that is about it. DH hasn't arranged for his SA. We were hoping to find out that the state mandate laws would kick in for us but unfortunately there are not enough people enrolled in his company's insurance program for that coverage so we are self pay all the way. The money that had been put aside for treatments/adoptions won't be sufficient and with the lack of work for me this year until recently we are very nervous to use that bit of cushion we do have. Our nestegg has definitely shrunk over the past 18 months and now they are talking about pay cuts at DH's office. So we are back in limbo where we aren't doing anything about it and money is the reason. I hate this place. I was contemplating getting a second job but again, just as I started to look around things picked up again so all I can hope for is that the work continues to roll in for the rest of the year. I calculated where I am at and my income is only at 2/3 of where it should be right now. Actually it is between 1/2 and 2/3 of what it was last year and last year was a low year for me.

Weight wise I am still plugging along. The doctor's official record states that I lost 14lbs since the beginning of the year... my record is more like 18 but so be it. It still isn't the dramatic numbers that most people would be achieving but it is still going in the right direction so yay for that. I am still attending my in person support group though not as regularly as work as picked up. There was some drama and I really don't want to be a part of that so I think that shaded my thoughts as well about the group. They are looking at starting fresh so we shall see what happens. I haven't been to the gym in forever... sore subject and still mad at DH about that decision because he hasn't been there either. My endo appointment went so-so. He was but wasn't happy that I lost 14lbs. He felt that if I was doing what he said it should have been more but he also thinks I should only eat green veggies and meat. No other food items. Ya...HELL no to that suggestion. He also thinks watermelon is bad so pffftt. I so failed at the summer challenge though. Right now I am working on getting my exercise back up to 180 minutes a week which needed improvement when it was at that level but I am working on 90 minutes for this week. Of course I hurt my ankle again so slowly but surely.

So not a stellar summer but I'm am not sitting in the dark crying either so yay for that.

Now, time to figure out what to make for dinner. I have at least one new recipe on the list for the week so if we like it I will share it when done.

Summer Slimmin Update

2010-06-14T14:30:00.001-05:00

The update is over here. On some blogs I can't post the other url so in case you got pointed back here, head over there.

Doctor Update...

2010-06-06T11:23:00.002-05:00

Guess I just forgot to update after my appointment. Sheeeshh. Sorry.

My ob/gyn said that my HBP meds needed to be changed now. I am supposed to be regulated on the new med for 60 days and start taking a prenatal vitamin. Once I have been regulated 60 days I need to schedule a consultation with her to set up the plan. My DH needs to get his SA repeated since it has been awhile and he is in charge of figuring out how to get that done. So far there hasn't been any movement from him but we have been dealing with the anniversary of his father's accident along with getting ready for vacation. Plus, I go into my GP on the 15th to find out if he thinks this dose of meds is working or not. My bp hasn't been running too high but it also isn't as good as it was. Hopefully it will settle down a bit. The new med is supposed to reduce my pulse and that is not working yet either so who knows...

That's what I know. She was very open to trying things out which is different than the last time I talked to her about it.

Summer Challenge

2010-06-06T10:56:00.008-05:00

Details on what I am pledging to work on this summer are located over here

I can't seem to get the images right... bear with my technical ineptness please :)

Wednesday Morning....

2010-05-18T16:43:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow morning I face the ob/gyn. I will have to find the courage to ask her about the clomid/femera experiment. Not sure that this is the best time to start it but I'm sick of being in limbo about everything. Either it will make my ovaries work or it won't. I haven't met my weightloss goal and of course today I had a bit of a food meltdown but I still have 2 months to meet it.

We shall see what she has to say.....

On again, Off again...

2010-05-14T17:30:00.002-05:00

I have been purposely avoiding some feelings. I haven't posted because right now I feel so rejected that why bother. Apparently we have been rejected by the organization to adopt a greyhound. Right now, we haven't even been able to get them to return our calls so that we can find out if it is just over the condition of the house or something that could be fixed. I am so confused. She asked us to put the railing back up and we are working on that... it can be done at a moment's notice and would have been if they had called with another dog to meet but since they haven't we have been waiting for the weather to clear so that we can strip it and repaint it. My husband won't work on it in the garage even with drop clothes down because he is worried that the cat might get out there and somehow be impacted by the chemical stripper. Annoying but he has a point I guess since the cat does sneak out there occasionally. The house, it definitely needs painting. If I had been thinking that they would be that judgmental I would have mentioned that we are painting now. It should have been done already but we were sick in April and with running to my MIL's every other weekend basically it doesn't give us much time. Of course, I should have been doing it when we were slow at work but I really didn't want to paint when the windows couldn't be opened because of my asthma. The fence was fine according to the other person but it does need to be repainted. We are opting to replace the top bar instead because some of the caps need to be replaced anyhow. I called one contractor but he hasn't called back. Well, I should say he finally called back after a week and didn't leave a message so I didn't call him back yet.

So obviously, yes the house needs some work but we were in process of doing that. We should have thought ahead and waited until the spring to apply apparently. My question is though... since we are not even good enough to adopt a dog, how the hell are we ever going to be good enough to be selected as parents? Yep, that's my conclusion too... we won't be. What is the point? Seriously... why bother?

One Word Meme

2010-04-25T21:46:00.002-05:00

You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
One.
Word.

No.
Explanations.

Not as easy as you might think…

1. Yourself: Tired

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend [husband, actually] : Gaming

3. Your hair: Frizzy

4. Your mother/stepmother: Home

5. Your dog: None

6. Your favorite item: Pink

7. Your dream last night: Nothing

8. Your favorite drink: Tea

9. Your dream car: Unsure

10. The room you are in: Living-room.

12. Your fear: Rejected

13. What you want to be in 10 years: Mom

14. Who you hung out with last night: Marty

15. What you’re not: Fertile

16. Muffin: Marionberry

17: One of your wish list items: Painting

18: Time: Bed.

19. The last thing you did: Cook

20. What you are wearing: PJ's

21. Your favorite weather: Breezy

22. Your favorite book: Unknown

23. The last thing you ate: Dinner

24. Your life: Different

25. Your mood: Defeated

26. Your best friend(s): Happy

27. What are you thinking about right now? Bed

28. Your car: Dirty

29. What are you doing at the moment?: Typing

30. Your summer: Seattle

31. Your relationship status: Married

32. What is on your TV?: Lifetime

33. What is the weather like?: Rainy

34. When is the last time you laughed?: Earlier

2010 Book Challenge

2010-04-08T10:18:00.000-05:00

Dragondreamer's Lair is hosting a book challenge again this year. I set my goal at 40 books since last year I exceeded my goal of 35. I keep track of my books at Goodreads.com and there is a widget in my sidebar that shows my recently read books (not only 2010).

2010 Read List

1. Heart and Soul by Maeve Binchy
2. The Good Sister by Diana Diamond
3. My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult
4. Prevention's Sugar Solution
5. The Pursuit of Other Interests by Jim Kokoris
6. The Pearl in the Storm by Tori Murden McClure
7. Now or Never: Why we must act now to end climate change and create a sustainable future by Tim Flannery

Today...

2010-03-20T12:03:00.002-05:00

is the first day of spring yet there is ucky white stuff on my lawn. The last few days have felt more like spring then today does. I hope that this batch of wintery gloom doesn't kill off the budding flowers throughout our area.

Today I have a "Tips and Toes" party where I will be refusing to have anyone touch my feet... no Thank you! Brownies are in the oven and I just made some in a mini muffin pan to bring with me. This party has been frustrating for a lot of reasons but hopefully it turns out well.

Work has picked up slightly and there is a potential for a lot more work due to someone else being offered a staff position so their regular work will hopefully fall to me. I still have some qualms about continuing but I think that for the next several months there will definitely be a lot of adjusting going on so hopefully I will be able to find my niche.

I am really enjoying my support group. Even though at times I wonder just how I will fit in to the group but for the most part it is a good experience for me. I have reached out and joined a few other meetup groups but I don't know what I am going to do with them. One of them is a local book group that has monthly meetings and 50 members but the meetings only have 15 slots so I don't really understand how that works out. Most likely because not everyone is interested in the same books. I sent a message to a leader of another book group to find out when they meet because the book group at my local library meets the same time as my weight loss support group and well... not going to lie, it is a bunch of old people. I have been to the library when they are in session there wasn't anyone under 45 in the room with the majority over 65. There is an afternoon session but I peeked it at that one too and it is mostly really senior citizen women. Not that this is bad by any means, it just isn't what I am looking for right now. I am hoping to find a group that is either very diverse or is more a group of women in their late 20's to early 40's.

Still no dog and I am debating on if I should call or not. It has clearly been over a month and now I am worried that they think we aren't interested. I wish that the woman had email as it would be so much easier than taking the time to call which seems like harassing... even though I know it is not that. Their paperwork is covered with the advice to be patient but we are just at 12 weeks out and that was their longest lead time.

Happy First Day of Spring...

Yikes... time is slipping by...

2010-03-06T10:43:00.002-06:00

I haven't really been blogging on my weightloss blog either except for weigh-ins. Guess just not in that place at the moment.

Things are going well. I like my support group and am trying to reach out to build friendships with the other members. Some successful...some not so much. I have become more active on Sparkpeople instead of fitday. Part of that was the phone application that is free and part of that was a cleansing process. I have deleted most of my old entries on my weight loss blog about failure and what didn't work before. This journey is different. It needs to have a different ending so it needs a different route. I even locked myself out of my fitday account so that I can't go back and mull over what might have been or what I did before. This has actually helped me to focus on today and not yesterday.

Still no dog in our house. Not sure what is going on... I hope they didn't decide that we weren't a good prospect. I guess I will just follow up when it has been a month but I am not sure what to do.

We have a family Corn beef and Cabbage dinner tomorrow. Early because of some other commitments and events throughout the month. Should be interesting. I am actually going to attempt to make Irish soda bread but haven't decided what recipe I am going to follow.

I have jumped upon the Greek yogurt bandwagon but do not like the Fage 2%. I didn't grab any of the Fage 0% because I found the new Yoplait Greek at a much lower price and it doesn't have HFCS like their other products.

Other than that, DH has been in a bit of a funk. I think partly to do with his brother not really helping out much with his mom and that we have started clearing out the basement of his dads things. He seems to be really interested in planting a garden this year so we are trying to determine the best spot. The previous owners had put it right in line with all the utility wires and everything so not sure that is the best bet but I want it up closer to the house I think. I don't trust the neighbor kids.............

Happy Saturday!

Better... but No.

2010-02-22T14:47:00.002-06:00

So, time has gotten away from me. The second Greyhound was a better match than the first but not a good one for us. She probably will need to be placed in a home with another dog. She was almost depressed just being here. But on the good side, the adoption coordinator learned more about what we want and our cat was much more tolerant of this dog. He even went upstairs and relaxed in one of his fave spots after awhile. He did hiss at the dog but no more of the incessant howling and growling just because the dog was in the house. Now we just wait for another cat friendly dog that may be a match.

My husband got us tickets to see Sandra Bernhard for my birthday. I was worried that she was going to be over the top raunchy but she wasn't at all. The show was good but at the same time... I knew we were sitting there for an hour and half. So... good but not great. We ended up going to a RR tasty travels place for dinner that was not planned. I had wanted lasagna but ended up with soup instead. Es ok... it was good and we had a late lunch so lasagna would have made me uncomfortable during the show. However, after the show we walked down to a tea shop and split a chocolate croissant. I love tea and to spend some time in a tea shop on my birthday was just lovely. It was a modern tea shop more like a Starbucks but for tea and that was still just fine with me :P We had driven downtown so on the way back, I got to enjoy the night skyline and convince my DH to go bowling. Yes, we spent an hour cosmic bowling and it was fun. Expensive, but fun. I lost and didn't even care :P

We have decided that even if I don't meet my weight goal for our anniversary (though I am really trying this time) we will still reopen the discussion on pursuing medical assistance. I know that people tend to say that there comes a time when your limits change and that may well be the case. I just know that I still need to work on my weight regardless of the decision we make in July.

Happy Monday!

Greyt Adventures

2010-02-12T17:41:00.002-06:00

So we have met one Greyhound who was not a good match for us. Tomorrow, my birthday, we will meet another who sounds like a good match. She is already living with a cat who hisses at her so that won't be an issue and she likes to be loved on. She walks well on a leash as long as there is a short lead and since retractable leashes are a no-no with greyhounds that shouldn't be an issue. They are anticpating leaving her here tomorrow night but we aren't comfortable with that as we don't have everything ready. Since we were told the process could take up to 12 weeks, we didn't run out and buy food or bowls or anything. We do have a dog bed for her though :P

So.... that is all I know, by this time next week we might just have had our dog for a few days :P

ATTN FACEBOOK USERS

2010-02-01T18:36:00.001-06:00

Please vote for my GodDaughter... Yes, it is a jokey picture but she is so cute she should win :P

Yes, I'm Biased :P

January Recap

2010-02-01T13:25:00.002-06:00

So WOW! The first month of the year has flown by and I haven't really worked much so I must have wasted a ton of time on Facebook and other places online. My last weighin in January shows me as down 7lbs... 25% of my weightloss goal for July. Wow! I only lost 13lbs in 6 months last year. What a difference actually tracking what you are eating makes. I am still a bit light on the calories though so I am sure that it will slow down this month. I found an in person weight loss support group. They seem to be a really nice bunch of people and I went to a cooking event yesterday. I ended up spending a whole lot more time there than planned. Yesterday we also got the call to arrange the meeting of the Greyhound our agency thinks might be a good match. We will meet her on Election Day night!

So all in all, it has been a slightly frustrating month in terms of somethings but right now my focus is just getting down to my 1st goal weight and January was a successful month for that.

Toyota Recall

2010-01-28T09:12:00.002-06:00

I am having a rough time with this recall. When it first came out the thoughts were there but eh, no it couldn't of been the cause of my FIL's accident. Then the recall was widened. Now, they have suspended sales of the vehicles involved. No matter if his accident was related to his accelerator sticking... he was still killed and is no longer here. Even if his accelerator stuck he has some fault in the accident if he chose to turn instead of continue straight or veer off the road ahead past into the field. So no matter... he still had a lapse in judgment on how to handle the situation. Or did he? We don't know what he saw in front of him.

Toyota says that it is "more likely to occur with wear and tear" but that it is not certain that the vehicle has been driven for awhile. He had a 2010 Camry for less than 90 days when his accident occurred.

I just hate that every time I hear or read something about the recall I start obsessing. I don't know if I will be able to let it go but I guess I am going to be avoiding the radio today. I need to let it go but I don't know how.

Salad Challenge Final Recap

2010-01-26T15:44:00.002-06:00

First three salads were posted here .

Wednesday ended up being a Carnitas Salad from Chipotle but I had corn salsa instead of tomato salsa that day.

Thursday I ended up not eating a salad because I wasn't feeling great.

Friday (01/15) I had a salad of mixed greens with some ground beef and onions on top, some cheddar cheese, a bit of sour cream, and some crushed tortilla chips. My stomach was not feeling all that steady so I didn't use any taco seasoning on my salad. My DH had the ground beef and onions with salsa added to top his salad.

Saturday I skipped out on a salad again due to not feeling so well.

Sunday I had Jason's Deli Marinated Chicken Salad - mixed greens, purple cabbage, 4 cherry tomatoes, some cheddar cheese on some chicken, guacamole, and some crushed tortilla chips on top

Monday (01/18)
Salad with 1 slice deli ham, 1 slice deli chicken, .5 oz swiss cheese, .3 cup purple cabbage, 2 cups mixed greens, 1 serving of crispy onions, .5 cup cucumber, 1 serving of Bountifuls dressing

Tuesday
Salad with 1.5 cups of mixed greens, .3 cup of purple cabbage, 2 servings of croutons, 1 slice of deli ham, 3/4 of a slice of provolone, 3/4 cup of coleslaw, water

Wednesday
Salad with 1.5 cups mixed greens, .3 cup purple cabbage, 3/4 cup coleslaw, 2 slices deli ham, 1 slice provolone cheese,.5 cup cucumber, 2 tbls crispy onions, 2 tbls slivered almonds, toasted,

Thursday
salad with 1.5 cup mixed salad greens, .5 cup purple cabbage, .3 cup cucumber, 1 slice deli ham, half of a small orange, 1.5 servings of crispy onions,

Friday
Salad with mixed greens, 1 slice of provolone cheese, 1 serving of crispy onions, .3 cup purple cabbage,.5 cup of cucumber, 1.5 tbls of hearty Italian dressing

Saturday
Was a simple salad with iceberg lettuce, croutons, carrots, purple cabbage, and balsamic dressing. I forgot to bring cheese to my MIL so I didn't have a protein on this salad.

Sunday
I had the Chicken Bruschetta Salad from a local restaurant. It had mixed greens, purple cabbage, tomato/onion bruschetta topping, parma cheese, chicken, and garlic toasts.

I was going to add two days to the end of the challenge and I ended up eating a small salad yesterday for lunch but it didn't meet the "rules". Tonight I will have a side salad with soup for dinner so that will be 14 salads with the break only for those days that I felt super nasty so overall a success.

Thanks Leng for hosting.

Mmm... Salad!

2010-01-13T17:53:00.002-06:00

I joined a Salad Challenge that started on Sunday. The rules are fairly simple, eat a salad everyday for two weeks that contains at least:

* 2 cups of greens

* an vegetable of another color

* a protein

* a carb (like croutons, rice, etc)

* One additional item that can be a repeat of the ones above

My salads so far:

Sunday:
1 extra large handful of spring mix, 1 serving of garlic crispy onions, .5 oz swiss cheese, 5 baby carrots chopped, 1/4 cup of cauliflower, 1/2 cup of cucumber, 2 tbls of hearty italian bountifuls dressing, 2 slices of roast beef lunchmeat

Monday:
Chipotle Carnitas salad with extra mixed greens added, cheese, mild salsa, black beans, grilled peppers and onions, guacamole, tortilla chips crushed up, 1 sip of cherry pepsi, water

Tuesday:
Stirfry salad–2.5 cups spring mix, 1.25 servings of chicken stirfry (chicken, peapods, broccoli, broccoli slaw, carrots, onions), .25 cup toasted almonds, 2 tbls steamed white rice, water

Wednesday:
Tonights salad will be taco salad with ground beef, carrots, corn, onions, corn chips, cheddar cheese, and sour cream. I may break out the guacamole tonight as well. I might add black beans to the mix as well.

What I have learned so far is that I really don't like spring mix that much but I can mix it with other lettuces to finish it up for now. I may buy it again when it is on sale.

Endo Appointment

2010-01-12T11:58:00.003-06:00

So I met with the new endo last week. The nurse forgot to order the a1c and the insulin tests when I called for blood work but the numbers that he saw just indicated PCOS. He doesn't believe that I am ovulating with the LH and FSH numbers that have. Of course the ever hopeful part of me says the blood work was done on CD13... maybe that was a huge LH surge. My LH was 12.7 and my FSH was 4.1 Definitely a 3:1 ratio. He was a bit uncomfortable talking about the hormones but seemed ok with telling me that he thinks my ob/gyn is not giving me a chance. He doesn't feel that there is anything, other than the HBP which can be controlled with meds, in my history to prevent me from having a healthy pregnancy. He thinks that clomid might work but I am just not sure about that. I know that woman with PCOS get pregnant with help. At the same time though, most of those cases are with injections. Am I mistaken? Right now I am just confused. I am over due for a pap and ultrasound but I am not sure if I should go back to my reg ob/gyn or go to the one that he referred me to. What I do know is that at my current weight, I don't feel comfortable being pregnant. I realize that is kind of goofy but I know how I physically feel and then to add the discomfort of pregnancy... ya, no. So DH and I talked, if I can get to my goal by July then we will start the process of getting him tested again and actually talk to the doctor about his count.

On the weight loss front, he was encouraged by my 13lbs lost since July 1st. I know it seems pitiful but it is progress especially for someone with an insulin level as high as mine was. He wants me to basically follow phase 2 of Atkins and eat only 3 times a day. Both of these are difficult for me but I have started tracking my carbs. I am allowing a lot more than Atkins would but it is a start. I track my food over here

Links and Things...

2010-01-07T09:51:00.003-06:00

One of these days I will share what the doctor said... just not today

Talk about distracted driving... are they serious?

This story has me freaked out even more about trucks. Forget the fact that it happened right around the corner...

And on a happy note, well sort of, I am excited to see this movie when/if it gets finished. Good book if you are looking for something a bit more than a chick lit read

Long awaited day...

2010-01-06T11:49:00.002-06:00

Today I have waited 5 months to get to the endo who I was supposed to follow up with in July. Depending on how this appointment goes and whether or not I have to wait an extended time to follow up again, I may be changing drs again. I hate starting over and even though this is with the same practice it is a new doctor to me. One I made the decision not to see originally in favor of my much admired, young, female, endocrinologist. Alas, she decided it was important to move back to St Louis with her husband. :( I hope that this appointment goes well. I don't have much improvement on the weightloss front so who knows what he is going to say.

Ugh... PCOS sucks.

Things I learned over the holidays...

2009-12-30T10:37:00.003-06:00

1. That I really did need new boots

2. Time management is really important

3. That not every recipe is written correctly

4. That while my husband may not have cried much over his father's death, he sure is angry about it.

5. That I can't fix that and it sucks

6. Sometimes a change of scene makes it seem okay and that might not be the best way to deal with things.

7. Even five year olds feel grief deeply

8. Extra cherries and staying in your pj's don't fix it for the whole day

9. Supportive family members are the best family members

10. Divorce really does take a long time even though life goes on during it.

11. Facebook can be good for some people

12. While enjoying others children, it really is ok to cry

13. A clean house really does make us feel better

14. An not so pretty trinket box really can be a great gift when a five year old picks the same thing out for her Nana.

15. That my feet probably won't be warm again until April

Book Challenge Final Update

2009-12-30T09:21:00.000-06:00

1. Aloha: Four inspiring novellas
2. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
3. New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
4. Love Afloat: Four inspiring novellas
5. Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer
6. Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
7. Gossip Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar
8. Inside Out Girl by Tish Cohen
9. Amy and Isabelle by Elizabeth Strout
10. To Live Until We Say Goodbye by Elisabeth Kubler Ross
11. Singing Songs by Meg Tilly
12 Invasion by Robin Cook
13. Owning Jolene by Shelby Hearon
14. Rough Draft by James Hall
15. A Town Called Ruby Prairie by Annette Smith
16. A New Day At Tanglewood by Annette Smith
17. A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray
18. The South Beach Heart Health Program
19. Charlotte Leaves the Light On by Annette Smith
20. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas by John Boyne
21. Moose: A Memoir of Fat Camp by Stephanie Klein
22. Upstate by Kalisha Buckhanon
23. Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling
24. Deadly Dance by MC Beaton
25. Bitter End by Christine Kline
26. The Care and Feeding of Unmarried Men by Christie Ridgway
27. Plain Jane by Fern Micheals
28. Inappropriate Men by Stacy Ballis
29. Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling
30. Black Flames by David Pearlman
31. Queen of Babble by Meg Cabot (read this earlier this year but didn't record it anywhere.
32. The Trophy Wife by Diana Diamond
33. Queen of Babble in the Big City by Meg Cabot
34. Queen of Babble Gets Hitched by Meg Cabot
35. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling
36. The Great Christmas Bowl by Susan May Warren
37. Delivering Dr. Amelia by Dan Shapiro
38. Ask Again Later by Jill Davis

My favorites of the year: 8, 21, 27, 37, and the Queen of Babble Series

Not worth it really: 11,13,14,and 30

I met my goal of 35 books so I am happy about that and I finally started on Harry Potter so there are a few children who are happy about that as well.

This is for Dragondreamer's Lair Book Challenge

Merry Christmas...

2009-12-25T08:03:00.001-06:00

May your day be full of Peace and a bit of Joy regardless if this is your holiday or not!

Why oh why...

2009-12-11T12:03:00.001-06:00

Do crazy people pregnancy announcements always come on the day that AF decides to start... EARLY?

Top Chef: Las Vegas...

2009-12-10T09:49:00.002-06:00

Aww! My guy didn't win... but I am glad that the competition is over. Seriously, this season was not all that thrilling even though they tried with the big rolling atmosphere of Las Vegas. I wasn't happy with the winner but alas it is usually the cocky one that wins.

Not watching Chef Academy, never finished watching this season of Hell's Kitchen. Hmm... maybe I am just losing my attraction to the competition cooking shows.

Links and Things...

2009-12-09T17:07:00.003-06:00

Looking for some inspiration for cooking veggies? Here is a nice site that I came across the other day. There is a breakdown for WW and Low Carb veggie options. I tried one recipe from here already and I liked it... DH, sadly did not but that is because it was Carrots and Pomagrantes.

Remodeling your house? Check out this green remodeling resource for some great info on how to ReGreen.

Curious about why the New York State's Attorney was so upset about the Appraisal ordering process? Here is a good example of bad mortgage brokering These types of orders don't really exist now that the new rules were passed effective May 1st.

And now for a total humbug... a church is being sued for reaching out to the needy?

Sometime imitation is not a good thing... how sad.

Weighty matters

2009-12-06T10:04:00.002-06:00

Well, I have tried to challenge my husband to lose weight. Our tenth wedding anniversary is next year in July. I am seeing some small successes lately and actually think that if I put more effort into it that I could see my wedding weight or close to it by then. I have PCOS with IR and that makes losing weight much more difficult but I am being diligent about taking my Metformin. I am going back up to 1500mg now so we shall see what happens.

I have been blogging about daily weightloss stuff over here mostly just food journals and stuff but it helps to be more accountable. So if you are looking for weightloss info... that is where you will find it.

Joining in a recipe exchange...

2009-12-02T12:39:00.003-06:00

Just joining in a quick recipe exchange that is being hosted over here

Easy Dump Cake

My husband loves this stuff and it is super simple to make.

* 1 yellow cake mix
* 1 small can of crushed pineapple
* 1 can of cherry pie mix
* 1 stick of butter or margarine~melted

In a 9x13 pan, empty the cherry pie filling and the crushed pineapple. Stir together. In a separate bowl empty your cake mix and then slowly add the melted butter in batches. Mix the butter in so that the cake mix form crumbles but not a liquid. Pour the crumbles over the pie filling. Bake at 350 for about 30 minutes or until the crumbles are golden brown. Serve with your choice of whipped topping.
You can also mix up the flavor of cake mix and pie filling. We like spice cake with apples, chocolate with cherry, and blueberry with yellow.

Enjoy.

Hmmm...

2009-11-29T18:35:00.001-06:00

Maybe there is hope for me yet. There are currently more Christmas decorations up around here than anytime in the last 5 years. The cat broke the tree our first Christmas here and I just stopped playing the game. No one to appreciate it anyhow, we don't exchange gifts, we don't entertain... etc, etc.

I might just have some Holiday spirit this year. Hmmmm....

Links and Things...

2009-11-19T21:06:00.002-06:00

Ack! Eggo shortage to last until next summer! What to do, what to do... guess get out the waffle iron and make some double and triple batches for the freezer.

Are you a foodie? Top Chef Fan? Have you entered this sweepstakes yet? Trip for two to the Food and Wine Classic in Aspen It ends today it looks like so enter fast.

Have you watched this show yet? I have the first episode on the dvr but haven't watched it yet.

Right now I am just dabbling in getting back to reading blogs, commenting, and writing again. Not sure what my identity is at the moment so just going to do what I originally wanted... all bits of me.

Happy Friday!

Book Challenge update

2009-11-08T00:30:00.001-06:00

1. Aloha: Four inspiring novellas
2. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
3. New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
4. Love Afloat: Four inspiring novellas
5. Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer
6. Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
7. Gossip Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar
8. Inside Out Girl by Tish Cohen
9. Amy and Isabelle by Elizabeth Strout
10. To Live Until We Say Goodbye by Elisabeth Kubler Ross
11. Singing Songs by Meg Tilly
12 Invasion by Robin Cook
13. Owning Jolene by Shelby Hearon
14. Rough Draft by James Hall
15. A Town Called Ruby Prairie by Annette Smith
16. A New Day At Tanglewood by Annette Smith
17. A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray
18. The South Beach Heart Health Program
19. Charlotte Leaves the Light On by Annette Smith
20. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas by John Boyne
21. Moose: A Memoir of Fat Camp by Stephanie Klein
22. Upstate by Kalisha Buckhanon
23. Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling
24. Deadly Dance by MC Beaton
25. Bitter End by Christine Kline
26. The Care and Feeding of Unmarried Men by Christie Ridgway
27. Plain Jane by Fern Micheals
28. Inappropriate Men by Stacy Ballis
29. Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling
30. Black Flames by David Pearlman

This is for Dragondreamer's Lair Book Challenge

I have 5 left to meet my goal and 2 left to match last year.

Posted by Deb at 9/24/2009 03:38:00 PM

Story Lines and other things

2009-09-25T13:44:00.003-05:00

Is anyone else annoyed at some of the television this season?

I liked Glee until today when I watched the latest episode. I guess I should say, I only watched part of it this time around. The hysterical pregancy story line didn't really tick me off until this episode when her sister said they would just buy them a baby and not tell the husband. But the final draw was the teenage hot tub pregnancy that occured through swimsuits and no penetration. yea... maybe that resolved itself but the fact that it would even be presented as an option just pissed me off so I turned off the rest of the episode.

The other one that really disappointed me was Accidentally on Purpose. I knew the storyline ahead of time and still thought maybe it might be an interesting and funny half hour but it is pretty predictable and well, not that funny.

In other observations, I was very suprised to see that Parks and Recreation came back for another round while Life was cancelled. Big Bang Theory started off with a bang and so did Two and Half Men. I have Grey's on the dvr to watch along with the new NCIS spin off.

Is there anything new on that I might be missing? It seems like there are at least 3nights a week that we will need to find something else to watch or do. It's not necessarily a bad thing as long as I don't allow myself to be sucked into the bad tv just to fill the time. Pretty soon Drop Dead Diva and Army Wives will be over so I think I might see if the library has Brothers and Sisters on dvd as I did like it when I watched it before I just always missed it when it was on. We are still working through 24 so that is an option and we are a season behind on House as well. It just seems like I am missing something about this new tv season. Not sure if it is the simple fact that NBC reduced their lineup by adding Jay Leno at 9pm or what the deal is but maybe I will find something else to fill my time that will be worthwhile. Can't be half bad right?

Book Challenge Update

2009-09-24T15:38:00.001-05:00

1. Aloha: Four inspiring novellas
2. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
3. New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
4. Love Afloat: Four inspiring novellas
5. Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer
6. Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
7. Gossip Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar
8. Inside Out Girl by Tish Cohen
9. Amy and Isabelle by Elizabeth Strout
10. To Live Until We Say Goodbye by Elisabeth Kubler Ross
11. Singing Songs by Meg Tilly
12 Invasion by Robin Cook
13. Owning Jolene by Shelby Hearon
14. Rough Draft by James Hall
15. A Town Called Ruby Prairie by Annette Smith
16. A New Day At Tanglewood by Annette Smith
17. A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray
18. The South Beach Heart Health Program
19. Charlotte Leaves the Light On by Annette Smith
20. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas by John Boyne
21. Moose: A Memoir of Fat Camp by Stephanie Klein
22. Upstate by Kalisha Buckhanon
23. Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling
24. Deadly Dance by MC Beaton
25. Bitter End by Christine Kline

This is for Dragondreamer's Lair Book Challenge

BBBT-MOOSE

2009-08-16T18:52:00.004-05:00

Moose Questions

How did the author's weight transformation impact your view of her story (she looks quite svelte on the book jacket)? Did it give credence because she "conquered" her weight? Or did her story become more dismissible because she conformed to what society says looks good?

The picture on the jacket did not impact my view of her journey at all. The title of the book implies that her weight struggle was during her school age years, not as an adult. What made her story a bit more difficult for me to take was that (and I haven't finished the last chapter...so this may be wrong) her journey wasn't a healthy one. She was plagued with various weight loss attempts that were unhealthy. Not just fads but simply not eating. When people see that this is how someone lost weight and they don't discuss the health consequences that come from these type of attempts it frustrates me more than someone writing about being over weight as a child and not as an adult. If the last chapter addresses this than disregard :) as I ran out of time.

How did it make you feel when Stephanie's dad laughed at her being called a 'Moose'? Were you parents/guardians supportive of you during hard times/bullying/weight issues or did they just laugh at you like Stephanie’s father?

I was surprised that her father was so openly cruel at times about her weight. The puffing of the cheeks when he felt she was eating to much and his reaction to the nickname Moose. While I realize that parents have faults, I hope that they are someone's biggest cheerleaders more than their chief criticizers.

My father was supportive of weight loss efforts. My mother, she tended to criticize
more than support. Partially, I believe, because on her side of the family most of the people are obese. These days she is far more supportive but that is because she is facing her own weight loss struggles.

Stephanie describes how she would picture herself slim, and how that image did not look like her at all. Did you/do you picture yourself slim and if so who do you model yourself on? Are you realistic when you image the slim you or do you picture someone you could never be like?

When I picture myself slim, I have a precise image in my head. I can't picture myself any lower than my college graduating weight. That was the lowest I weighed as an adult. These days though that weight is my goal and I know what that looks like. I know when I was at that weight, I struggled with what slimmer would look like. I still needed to lose at least 30lbs at that point. I do think that my image is very realistic. I belong to a weight loss message board and I tend to be the one to remind people that their journey's are long and that the final destination may look very different than what they imagine. Maybe that is because I know what my goal will look like as I have been there before.

On page 115, Stephanie reads that Leigh is trying a new fad to help her lose weight. She is wrapping her tongue with Saran Wrap because she heard that the tongue absorbs most of the calories. Reflecting on your own experiences with losing/maintaining weight or those close to you, what is the weirdest method/diet program that you have ever tried/heard of? What were the results? How did it impact your future attempts at losing/maintaining weight?

Some of the strange things I have done include massaging my fat rolls to break up the fat faster, taking cayenne pepper pills to speed up the metabolism, and trying some diet pills. None of these were permanent solutions. The massaging just left me with bruises and the others with heart burn. My few attempts to try a fad diet or item made me realize that there realize is no quick fix. I have to do this the old fashioned way of eating less and moving more. I try to be patient with those I hear about using crazy methods because I know that it comes out of desperation to see the results that are desired. Someday I will get there....

Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at Stirrup Queens (http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com). You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: It Sucks, And Then I Cried by Heather Armstrong (aka Dooce).

Book Challenge Update

2009-08-07T09:15:00.002-05:00

1. Aloha: Four inspiring novellas
2. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
3. New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
4. Love Afloat: Four inspiring novellas
5. Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer
6. Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
7. Gossip Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar
8. Inside Out Girl by Tish Cohen
9. Amy and Isabelle by Elizabeth Strout
10. To Live Until We Say Goodbye by Elisabeth Kubler Ross
11. Singing Songs by Meg Tilly
12 Invasion by Robin Cook
13. Owning Jolene by Shelby Hearon
14. Rough Draft by James Hall
15. A Town Called Ruby Prairie by Annette Smith
16. A New Day At Tanglewood by Annette Smith
17. A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray
18. The South Beach Heart Health Program
19. Charlotte Leaves the Light On by Annette Smith
20. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas by John Boyne

This is for Dragondreamer's Lair Book Challenge

57% towards my goal

Please consider...

2009-07-30T21:02:00.002-05:00

Clicking over here and voting for the Paul Ruby Foundation. This is a local Parkinson's Research Foundation. They help to fund a local Parkinson's Disease and Movement Disorder center.

Thank you for your time.

Maybe I am Jaded

2009-07-15T18:01:00.000-05:00

I fully recognize and believe that there are mortgage brokers that pushed the envelope, broke the rules, and blatantly lied to their clients.

I fully recognize and believe that there are people losing their homes due to medical crisis, deaths of spouses, and severe job loss.

But these people do not make up all of the problems with the mortgage industry. If these situations are more than 50% of the problem I would be surprised. At any time, there will be people defaulting on their mortgages due to scenario #2. It happens in good economic times and it happens it bad. There are always foreclosures around. They just aren't in every neighborhood as we are seeing now. Places that weren't faced with foreclosures before are finding that people can't pay their bills.

I fully recognize that George W. sent out the "shopping" orders after 9/11 and continued to send out that message with every tax rebate.

Maybe it is just my not so unique place in the mortgage transactions that I have come to spot the abuse of borrowers.

The home across the street is in foreclosure because the husband couldn't bear to share the equity with his soon to be exwife. His sister lives two houses away on the same block. He hurt not only his own credit, his soon to be ex's credit, but his sisters home value by defaulting just because he could.

A not to be named family member, who really should know better, has liquidated all of the equity in his home to pay off credit card debt. At one point, he had over 50% equity in his home... today, he will be lucky to have 20% and that is with a newly finished basement. All because he and his wife find it necessary to buy stuff, do stuff, and eat out more than they can afford. They make more than your average American but if things get really tight, they no longer have anything to fall back on since they don't save any money either. Yet, these same individuals plan on selling their house next year and buying a new one at 1.5x+ the current value of their home just simply so their daughter won't ever have to be the new girl at school. They currently live within one of the top rated school districts in the state yet, they know won't be able to afford to buy a home in their current neighborhood. But, not changing schools in the future is far more important than starting off in one of the best kindergartens in the area.

A man took out $100,000 in equity on his home and with that money put nothing into the house. He spent it all on other things like vacations and toys. He didn't fix the water damage in the basement or the kitchen floor that has disintegrated. He didn't repair the broken window but instead he bought his son a car.

A couple took out 125% of the value of their new home and spent the extra on furniture, not on updating the 1950's kitchen which their loan officer, appraiser, and agent suggested. Today... they are lucky if their home is worth what they paid for it but they are still upside down. They thought their home value had caught up by now so that they had a profit. They wanted to take out the extra cash to go on vacation. Apparently they thought they deserved their home to go up in value just by painting the living room.

A woman, recently divorced, decided that she really didn't want to put any of the divorce settlement money into her house. She would just take a home equity loan to pay for the new carpet and roof that she needed. She spent the settlement money on a new car and a cool new bedroom set. Now that roof is leaking profusely and she can't come up with the money necessary to pay for it. The bank chopped the appraisal because of the market conditions and she no longer has enough wiggle room to take any money out to pay for that roof. If the roof doesn't get repaired, more damage with ensue. Because of her divorce, she doesn't have a credit card with a large enough limit to pay for the roof. Had she paid for the car with a loan instead of all cash, she would be able to replace the roof.

These are just a few examples. I have many others like the people who just decided to rip out all of their carpeting but then discovered they had no way to pay for it. Try getting a loan with no flooring in your house right now. Not a very good risk to take at the moment.

Yes, lending has gotten tighter. But now, everyone is being punished for the people who made bad decisions. There are very few suburbs in my area where the value is not declining on most property types. There are some areas where the only sales to comp out a home are short sales and foreclosures, not an ideal comparison.

Bad brokers, Bad Agents, Bad Appraisers, are the cause of part of the problem. Bad decisions by the borrowers is also part of the problem. A person getting buying a home or mortgaging a home needs to be realistic with their income. When we bought our house 6 years ago, we were qualified for way more house than we could afford. Our broker didn't push the issue because we told him outright that we were only going to pay a maximum of x dollars per month. When we refinanced, we wouldn't even consider an ARM unless it was a 7 or 10 year fixed ARM. Good thing that we listened to our guts and stuck with a 30 year fixed. We will be lucky to be out of here by 2011 when that ARM would have been up.

Don't forget that part of the problem is that many Americans feel that buying stuff is proof that they are good people. Many people have spent the last 4 years, refinancing their mortgage in January to pay off Christmas Credit Card debt instead of just scaling down. I have seen some obscene Christmas gift purchases and it has really taken the joy out of the holiday for me. Gone are the days when kids got clothes and necessary items for Christmas. Now adays if you don't have an IPOD by the time you are 10, you are practically considered abused. This is part of the fundamental problem. Many people think that $100 is no longer an extravagant amount of money.

Yet, not many have learned even through the last several months of issues. As soon as the rates dropped, those that needed to pay off credit cards were right back at it again. Not everyone that refinanced this spring had debt to pay off but many were talking about everything they were going to do with the "free" money they were getting. The worst part about this is that it shows just how uneducated and unaware many of the masses are... there are still people who believe that their home is worth more than it was last year or the year before. Every week I find one that thinks that because it is their home it must be better than Barney Rubble's next door. Not true folks... it just isn't always the case.

Yes, I am jaded. Some people just will never understand because they are too absorbed in their own lives to look out and see what is going on around them.

Tomorrow...

2009-06-30T18:07:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow starts a new month. A month of possiblilities. A month of potential.

Tomorrow a brave woman under goes a double mastectomy and can only hope that the big gaping holes in her chest will heal quickly.

Tomorrow I find out if I will ever breathe deeply again with out pain.

Tomorrow... hopefully the sun with shine down on both of us Tomorrow.

Gone Fishing....

2009-06-21T11:28:00.000-05:00

boring update

2009-06-19T11:19:00.002-05:00

So next week we are going on vacation. It feels kind of like cheating since I haven't worked much this month as it is between playing catchup from being behind when my FIL was killed and then not getting much work because I was so far behind. I am hoping and praying that July is busier. If it isn't, then such is life but if August is slow too then I need to find something else to do. I may have to suck it up and get a back to school job anyhow and to do that I need to work in July. So... who knows. Right now, I am not using my time well and I really need to be better at that if things are slow in July.

My husband fell and fractured his elbow and broke something in his wrist on the day of his father's funeral. He went without it casted for 5 or more days but has been in a cast since that first week home. The first week he was in a long arm cast, which, even though I have never had one, has to be one of the most uncomfortable casts possible. Now he is in a short arm cast but he won't be out of it for at least 3 weeks. Which reminds me, I need to make that appointment.

So anyhow, we go on vacation and then the first 3 days we are back, we have doctors appointments. I have two and he has one. Not sure which of us will get the worst of it though. He needs to get a cavity filled but I am going in for a consult with the lung dr about the ct scan I had in May. Should be fun, fun, fun!

Still not feeling creative which is why this is an extremely boring post. I need to get moving on a special project. Maybe I can enlist the kids to help me over the week this week. Hmm... that might now be a bad idea.

Book Challenge

2009-06-14T16:29:00.001-05:00

1. Aloha: Four inspiring novellas
2. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
3. New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
4. Love Afloat: Four inspiring novellas
5. Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer
6. Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
7. Gossip Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar
8. Inside Out Girl by Tish Cohen
9. Amy and Isabelle by Elizabeth Strout
10. To Live Until We Say Goodbye by Elisabeth Kubler Ross
11. Singing Songs by Meg Tilly
12 Invasion by Robin Cook
13. Owning Jolene by Shelby Hearon
14. Rough Draft by James Hall
15. A Town Called Ruby Prairie by Annette Smith

This is for Dragondreamer's Lair Book Challenge

Hanging in...

2009-06-09T19:51:00.002-05:00

I'm here. Just slowly moving towards a new yet the same ol' life. Things have been nuts. The bathroom is still not done. Yes, we are in week 4. My husband broke his elbow and now most likely his wrist on the day of his father's funeral. We didn't find out until we got back on the Saturday after since we didn't check the messages at home while we were gone. He at least is in a short cast now so it is a bit more comfortable but not much.

Other cruddy things have happened since we got back and I just don't want to focus on the negative right now. Things that are pretty scarey and I know that I will need to face in the near future but I still am not sleeping that great and don't need anymore incentive not to sleep. I did actually have a bit of a binge yesterday so I guess my not eating is over. Now I just need to get back to taking my meds....

I have no creative juices for a title right now...

2009-05-25T07:47:00.004-05:00

This Memorial Day Weekend has not turned out in anyway that was perceived as imaginable at this point last week. I never expected the call that I got on Friday and I never expected to be in my husband's hometown planning his father's funeral. He was tragically killed and we still don't know all of the details. While understanding what happened is important sometimes it isn't what you want to hear.

Through this weekend I have seen a different side of most of his family. His mother has been much stronger than I would have been at this time. Her kids make her stronger. I fear for the time when no one is here and she can't cope.

My brother in law took on the role expected as the oldest son. I wasn't sure that he would do that. He distances himself often from his family and so it could have been that he didn't want to do anything. Yet, he is still having issues coping.

My sister in law is not the independent feminist woman I expected her to be. She is much more like her mother than she cares to admit at times.

My other sister in law, while complaining about how things need to be so they are not inconvenient for her and her family has actually taken a hands off role which I wasn't sure would happen.

My husband... is stronger than he admits and has more courage than he would ever believe. I wouldn't have wanted him to leave my side during this time but maybe his family helps that since I don't have siblings to lean on.

Me, I still am selfish. I was whining about not wanting to visit my inlaws this weekend because of his mother's smoking. We didn't go last weekend because I didn't want to be rushed on getting the bathroom ready. I am selfish and now I caused my husband and myself to have several weeks go by without seeing his parents. Now Thursday we will see his father displayed and then determine if he is presentable to the public.

This is not how this weekend should have been. This is not how I would have imagined it. I hate that I am not at my husbands side to help hold him up but hopefully his family is doing the best they can.

In the middle...

2009-05-20T07:01:00.002-05:00

of about a gazillion things and while I would love to talk about some of them, I just plain can't so here I sit silent. What I can say is that right now:

* We don't have a working shower

* The contractor is already behind and we are coming up to a holiday weekend

* I don't want to go to visit certain family members without a working shower

* Unless we can get a hotel room after the fact

* That is mean but unfortunately the truth

* We have tons of fruits and veggies to use this week

* We don't have a working shower and only one toilet... AF is attempting to stop by on time this month

* Right now there is a pile of garbage on our lawns and I can only assume that half of the neighbors are silently cursing us out about it

* the other half maybe jealous that we are getting a new bathroom... or they may not be

* I am nervous that in the end it isn't going to look half as good as it does in my head

* I like having a grill---just trying to feel it out and sometimes this leads to charred food

* I have a bout of pleurisy and can't breath very deep right now without pain

* This also leads me to not wanting to visit said family members but have no choice in the matter currently as it has been put off the last two weeks

* I probably shouldn't have said this much

Things creeping me out these days...

2009-05-12T10:47:00.002-05:00

1. The little girl on the toliet in the new Target commerical... EWWW and so unnecessary.

2. The waiters hitting on my husband...enough said.

3. The fact that we have ants in our upstairs bathroom.

4. The idea that the best man at our wedding... who just got married in August will be a parent before we will.

5. The construction trucks driving up and down our street, sometimes like they are just circling the block.

6. That it is already May 12th..........

Not sure...

2009-04-27T14:04:00.002-05:00

how I feel about this but I donated my facebook status to RESolve today but I did modify the statement that they had as I just didn't like the wording. I highly doubt that anything will be said about it because most of my family subscribes to the "don't talk about it" camp and it seems that I know a lot of overtly fertile people that it will probably make uncomfortable. But such is life... why do I have to feel like I have to suffer in silence through this? We already are not doing anything about it treatmentwise, do I have to pretend that I am childless by choice too?

Oh well, it is what it is.......

Crabby Patty's

2009-04-22T17:53:00.002-05:00

My "bad" mood of the last ooo week or so finally has a reason. AF showed her face. Not the 40+ cycle of last month so that is good but still a few days late. I wasn't panicking though this time and didn't even test.

We decided on a contractor for our bathroom. I can only hope that we made the right decision. I think it will be okay. He has worked in our subdivision before that is a big plus because we have cheaply built homes and not everything makes sense. If someone at least knows that ahead of time, things tend to go easier. Plus it will be good to have another local contractor to rely on instead of just the one that we normally use. We didn't have him bid the job because I honestly thought he had gone out of business but we saw him at our neighbors the other day. When the time comes he is going to install the new siding on the house. I just wish that we could plow through all of this stuff and spend everything we can now to get as much done. We probably should have done that before but the money is going to be spent eventually. It is so hard to balance it out though in our house because there are issues inside and out. I still think part of the reason our neighbors hate us is because the outside of our house is ugly but what can we do.

Someone is mowing their lawn behind us.... how much you want to bet..... eh, oh well, the south yards have been growing faster. DH will hopefully be able to do the first trim at least this weekend as the grass around the fence has grown in much faster than the rest of the yard. If he won't, then I will have to find time to do it......... and then be pissed off again.

I threw some black beans in the crockpot this morning. I have rice cooking up in the cooker with some rotel. I hope that dinner comes out yummy!

Have a happy rest of the hump day!

Things....

2009-04-20T16:19:00.002-05:00

The bathroom project is progressing though I am a bit ticked at the contractor at the moment. He is supposed to come by to quote some additional work and he was going to call back yet, we haven't heard from him.

The foot doctor appointment went well. He gave me a very painful cortisone shot and hopefully between that and the xrays we are on the way to a diagnosis. I go back in 3 weeks unless they call me about the results of the xrays.

I spent the weekend pretty cranky and just plain being mean to my husband. I need to stop that... I am miserable for many reasons but they are not all his fault. I want him to be able to solve it but he can't and that frustrates me that he can't, just within himself, make me happy.

Still on 1500mg of Metformin except when I try to take 2 in the am, 1 at lunch, and 1 at dinner to see if I can tolerate it... so far, I haven't made it very long with that schedule before something happens.

I am still forgetting to take my blood pressure pill each day. Need to get better at that. I know that when I take it, it makes a difference in how I feel.

Spaghetti with sausage sauce sounds good for dinner... wish we had some garlic bread to go with it------

Have a happy Monday evening!

Coming Clean

2009-04-14T15:25:00.002-05:00

I haven't been doing too well lately. Not with exercising, food intake, or emotional well being you could say. My DH told me that I am overly anxious lately and I am hoping that once I am back on my blood pressure pills that might end. But I am sure that part of it is related to my weight, my work being overwhelming again, and the prospect of our friends baby.

I am hosting an online baby shower for her and getting information out of her husband is like pulling teeth. I have the site almost done so I am just going to send it off to him and have him send it out to whoever. DH and I are considering heading out there for that weekend so that we can help and see them one more time before the baby comes. We will be going out there at some point after she arrives also but haven't figured that out yet.

I made an appointment to see a foot doctor for Monday. I went to my GP yesterday and asked him where to start. He said to start with podiatry(sp) because they do specialize in the foot and ankle. If it is over their head they will refer me to ortho which is in the same office. I haven't been working out because my ankle is in constant pain. I can't live like this if there is a chance that they can fix it or at least alleviate part of the problem. I just hope that it doesn't resort to surgery because I will have to wait until the fall, even if they give me an "it will get worse and may not be fixable then" type of speech. I can't take that much time off of work and we have a family vacation at the end of June.

I hope that by addressing this long term issue with my ankle, I can get out of my funk. I still know that I need to control my eating and get back to posting things on my weightloss blog but what I want most is to go for a walk and not be in pain for the rest of the day.

Eh...

2009-04-11T11:00:00.002-05:00

Working too much these days. Hate to say it but I have managed to watch the entire Sliders series off of Netflix while working. As everyone says, the first 3 seasons were the best but I didn't find it too terrible until the end of the 5th season. Plus I watched Nemesis Rising the Jacob and Joshua story or something, about two gay brothers trying to make it in the music business. Not that great... don't waste your time.

What else... Oh yea, I watched Dangerous Beauty. It was a historical movie about Courtesans and was pretty good. I also watched a classic Cary Grant movie that had me laughing quite a bit.

Dh doesn't understand how I can work and watch at the same time but I choose things carefully. If the storyline is too detailed that I can't do it since I am working and trying to sort out reports. But it really is no different than listening to the radio and then staring off into space for a few minutes when you are trying to concentrate on what they are saying.

Anyhow... nothing exciting around here.

Have a wonderful Easter!

ER-The Finale

2009-04-03T05:15:00.004-05:00

Warning Spoiler Alert

Well I spent close to 4 hours crying last night. For all kinds of reasons. ER has been on longer than I have known my husband. It was there when I went away to college. I has been there through the darkest hours. While I still feel that it should have ended with the Abby and Luca's wedding and the uncertainty of the future of the hospital... the end, well, it made sense for the most part.

Things I wonder about/was annoyed about that were not resolved:

1. It annoyed me that the Carter/Kem relationship was not resolved. It annoyed me that he didn't even really talk to her. However, I do think that it was an accurate example of how hard things can be for some couples after losing a child.

2. Where was Dubenko? Where was that crazy bald headed surgical resident? Where was Malik? Where was Anspaugh, who has been talked about but not on all season...? I mean...even Lydia came back and she hasn't been on for a long while.

3. Why couldn't George Clooney get over it and do an interview for the retrospective? And if he did, how was there nothing that could be taken and used?

Other than these little things... it was an okay ending. Nothing strange or out of the ordinary. Just a typical day in the ER-not tied up in a neat little knot and that is probably the best way to leave it.

Update: Malik was there.. I just missed him the first time around. But one thing still bothers me that bugged me the first time that I didn't mention. The Carter that we came to know and love before he left for Africa, never, Never Ever, would have left that father standing in the pool of his wife's blood. To know that he did that and that she later died... Yeah, that doesn't jive with me so well.

its been that kind of week...

2009-04-02T16:21:00.000-05:00

Today I saw a car roll up hill. I also had a migraine this morning that may have been caused by sleeping on the couch or it is related to the fact that my bra is attacking my nipples. Either AF is returning to her regular schedule this weekend or I am in for two long weeks of PMS. Not sure which would be better at this point.

Right now I just need to find the energy to concentrate on work so that I won't feel guilty watching *sob* the FINALE of ER.

Monday Sickness?

2009-03-30T08:06:00.001-05:00

I am seriously starting to wonder if I have Monday sickness. Two weeks ago, I was over the top ill from increasing my Metformin. Last week... the stomach flu hit with avengence. This week, I feel like utter crap. My stomach hurts, I'm nauseous again, and add in a lovely headache.

Monday sickness... it needs to go away.

Blah--An annoying kind of day......TMI maybe.

2009-03-29T18:41:00.005-05:00

Last week was an attack of the stomach flu. Seems to be better now but my stomach does still hurt occasionally. Not so bad today but had to resort to ginger ale to settle it down some. I have been trying to skip pop so that was more annoying that I couldn't make it a pop free day over how bad it was... I know, silly a bit.

Today is Cycle day 12 so spot is here! Yay! Hopefully it will be gone soon. So annoying that the cause and a solution can't be found. Who knows, maybe the stomachache is actually due to a cyst and now it is draining...

My father's family has found me on Facebook. It will be interesting to see how this goes. So far only two members have requested access to my profile. We shall see. I have a cousin in Peoria, IL that I have never met. I knew about her but things were always wierd because her father had remarried when she was young and had more children. For some reason though, she has been less estranged with the Aunts and Uncles than I have, there is still a lot of guilt there about my father I think. If I find out my Grandma died through Facebook..... ugh, I can't even go there.

I have chicken broth and chicken and dumplings cooking. It smells nice in here and I hope it turns out yummy.

Lots of work to do and well, I keep finding distractions to keep me from it. I don't want to deal with any of it but such is life.

May Monday be a good, productive, and snow free day for everyone.

If you are so inclined...

2009-03-25T16:56:00.002-05:00

Please register and vote for this project and/or one of the others if you are so inclined. It is a really great idea and her self portraits/pictures were really beautiful.

Yes, it stinks that you need to register but if you are compelled please do so...

Thanks!

Book Challenge

2009-03-24T13:05:00.000-05:00

my challenge reading list looks like this:

1. Aloha: Four inspiring novellas
2. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
3. New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
4. Love Afloat: Four inspiring novellas
5. Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer
6. Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
7. Gossip Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar
8. Inside Out Girl by Tish Cohen
9. Amy and Isabelle by Elizabeth Strout
10. To Live Until We Say Goodbye by Elisabeth Kubler Ross

This is for Dragondreamer's Lair Book Challenge

Ugh...

2009-03-20T15:42:00.002-05:00

I went to the endo today. She is fine with leaving the metformin at 1500mg...whew! However, she is leaving at the end of June so back to the drawing board with a new dr. They don't know who is replacing her yet so who knows if they will be covered by our insurance. The other endo in this clinic isn't covered for some reason. Most of their drs are covered but a few here and there are not so I didn't make a follow up appointment. I need to make a note to call for a refill of the metformin in May so that I can wait as long as possible to see the new dr, though I have to have lab work in July so that may not work.

I really liked her too. Such a pain...

CD 43

2009-03-18T07:59:00.002-05:00

And.....

AF showed. Oh well, at least I don't have to have the awkward conversation with my endo on Friday.

2000 mg of Metformin is making me ill. Skipped yesterday all together because switching back down to 1500mg on Monday still made me ill, although not as dizzy and much shorter duration of V & N, but ill nonetheless. Took it this morning and will keep going on.

Happy Hump Day!

......................................

2009-03-15T17:34:00.003-05:00

Are we ever truely hopeless? Does hope ever die?

There have been many moments in my life that I have felt that way. I have been going along thinking what is the point. There is no hope.

Yet, with every new cycle, with every late period, with every little twinge in this huge o'l belly of mine... I grab onto this string that gets smaller with every passing day. Grabbing that string does nothing for me in the end but for some reason I can't stop reaching for that tiny piece of string.

This is where I sit... holding on to this tiny frayed string, logically knowing that everything that my body is doing is related to this medicine, but yet I can't let go. I can't let go of the idea that maybe all it took was one dr who totally believed that this medicine would make my body work the way it should. Logically I know that I haven't been on the med long enough to work things out. Yet, I can't let go. We have been trying since September of 2003 and yet all I want right now is for this tiny frayed bit of hope to turn into a wonderful little living, breathing, long awaited for 35th birthday present.

This, this is why I want AF to show before the dr appointment on Friday. I don't want her to further this little frayed string of hope needlessly. It is painful enough without the dr's help.

Metformin ER Update, maybe TMI

2009-03-13T10:33:00.004-05:00

So, I was awfully nervous about taking metformin again. With good reason, the previous times that I have been on it, I had been ill all the time. I was only eating once a day and still having to visit the restroom in urgency all day long.

This time around, I have changed things up a bit. I have been avoiding the raw veggies during the ramp up portion of the dosing. I did finally have salad yesterday and no issues but I have been on the current dose of 1500mg for about 3 weeks now. I can't seem to get up to 4 pills per day. Every time I try I end up with horrible nausea and dry heaves in the morning. I go back to the endo next week and I know she will have something to say because my weight is up on the meds...not down. Part of that is that I have been on the Met long enough to have my cycle screwed up on it. I don't understand this and my other Dr could never explain why my typically 31-33 day cycles go to 44-48 and sometimes skip completely while I am taking the Metformin. Most women have the opposite reaction......their long cycles become shorter. The problem with the longer cycles is that my body still starts gaining "water weight" just as it would for a 31 day cycle and yet, she still isn't here yet.

So I am a bit down about that... my weight is within 7lbs of my highest. Yesterday... it was within 4lbs but I drank a bunch of tea and had asparagus to hopefully get rid of some of the sodium bloat and AF water. We will see what happens. I think I am going to try taking 2 in the am, 1 at lunch, and then 1 at dinner to see if that has any impact on the dry heaves and nausea. I have to work in the morning tomorrow but I gave myself a bigger window so that if there were issues I would have time to settle them down.

Things I have been doing differently this time that seem to be helping...

1. Eating a banana with my morning pills
2. Actually eating 3 meals per day even if I am worried about issues. When I skip breakfast and take my pills late I usually am in the bathroom for the rest of the day after lunch.
3. Taking my evening pills at dinner time instead of bedtime with a snack
4. Reducing my refined carb intake
5. Sticking to the no raw veggie rule for at least two weeks after a dose change.

so that's it.... I have to make an appt to see my GP about BP meds and then I see the endo in a week. Yay! :( Is it bad to say that I really hope AF shows before my appt with her so I don't have to hear her say I might be pregnant?

Project Runway...

2009-03-08T13:20:00.002-05:00

So apparently, there was a season of Project Runway that was shot for the most recent fashion week but due to conflict between Bravo, Lifetime, and the show's producers who apparently pulled the show from Bravo without rights... it still is in the closet.

Here is the quote from the Wiki.....

"The as-yet unaired sixth season was the first season of Project Runway to be filmed in Los Angeles rather than New York. The season was filmed at the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising,[6] and pre-finale filming concluded on Friday, October 17, 2008.[7]

The sixth season had been announced to begin airing in January 2009 on Lifetime, but this did not occur. The announcement occurred before NBC Universal sought preliminary injunctive action effectively enjoining production. The launch may be further delayed due to Lifetime's request that the suit between NBC Universal and The Weinstein Co. be removed to federal court.[8][9][10] As of January 30, 2009, the court case is still in state court, with no trial date set.[11]

The three finalists of the sixth season showed their collections at New York Fashion Week at Bryant Park on February 20, 2009, but the finalist designers were not named and did not appear onstage. Their identities were kept secret to protect the suspense when and if the season airs on television.[12]"

Bah, and instead we will probably get another town of Real Housewives... yeah, because Atlanta was so great Pffft.

Fabio--Top Chef 5

2009-03-04T14:35:00.003-06:00

.... Earlier in the day when the Reunion aired for the first time........

LOL! Fabio was just on The Bonnie Hunt Show which I rarely watch because she can be annoying to me but today with Charlie Gibson and Fabio I was LMAO.

Even the idea of Chocolate polenta didn't turn me off. Fabio was doing his typical, "I am Italian, I don't know much English" schtick and I had to laugh about his google comment.

....... After the reunion........

Anyhow... I am glad that he won fan favorite. Interesting that Leah and Hosea would be dating but only if he moves to New York. Seems like maybe they don't really want each other that much.

Casting has started for the next season!

Top Chef Finale--If you still haven't watched it...spoiler alert.

2009-03-04T12:29:00.003-06:00

Yes, I waited a whole week to watch it. Things were a bit crazy and then I just didn't feel like it. I was able to avoid learning who one so that was good thing.

All I have to say is "Yay, no stephan" and "effing Casey", she choked in her own finale and then she just convinced Carla that things she had never done would work out well. Carla... you are smarter than that and you probably would have one if you hadn't of listened to chokey casey.

Now for the reunion. I did notice that Leah kissed Hosea on the lips but he pulled away during the congratulations at the end of the show.

Bah... now what do I watch ;)

Anyone have any idea when Project Runway 6 will be coming to Lifetime? I don't watch Lifetime all that much and I don't know if Bravo will be advertising it since I don't even have a clue if Lifetime is another NBC station or not.

Ramblings of a tired woman

2009-03-03T17:42:00.002-06:00

Still here...

My mom had surgery last week so I was running between her house and mine for the past several days. Next weeks she starts back to work and has PT so I will be helping out with the driving until she can drive herself. My dad can drive her to PT this week since it is just that but my mom doesn't want to overtire him so one trip out is better than two since she works about a half hour from their house and she is going to PT near her office. Since her surgery went well and the issue wasn't quite what they thought, she has been having an easier recovery than anticipated. This is great and she will be returning to work about 2 weeks ahead of schedule. She will probably be back to work full time almost by the time she was just going to start back part time so her boss is very happy since no one knows how to do her job completely. While this is good in some respects, it also causes her a lot of stress. Just like my husband... no one else can do all that he does at his office so he has a really hard time letting go and taking time off.

I was dreaming of a warm weather getaway but we won't be able to pull it off. We were going to head to spring training but then my mom's surgery popped up. So then we were going to go to opening week in Houston. But, that appears to be out also. The bathroom, well, it has become the money suck of the moment. It needs to get redone and the more I look at things, the more I realize it is going to cost a bunch more than even I thought about. I wish we didn't have to spend the money but there really is no choice.

but... tonight, tonight I am wishing that our numbers hit on the mega millions. We are in a pool with a group of people but even if it means that we can't quit work completely, I wouldn't mind having the house paid off or even just the student loans. Or... well, I won't let my mind go there right now. I am trying to accept reality and it appears that childless is our reality.

Making strides on the book challenge....

2009-02-23T13:17:00.002-06:00

I went from having finished one book the entire year to now I have finished 5 and 3 of them are pretty long. But they were fairly easy reading. I am now on book 4 of the Twilight Saga. Eh, they are alright but I don't get the whole hoopla by readers who are out of highschool. I definately do not understand the swooning women my age who are declaring their neverending love for Edward. I guess I am just not that type of reader, at least not for this series. I *might* see the movie but if I do will most likely netflix and not go to the theater.

Anyhow so far my challenge reading list looks like this:

1. Aloha: Four inspiring novellas
2. Twilight by Stephanie Meyer
3. New Moon by Stephanie Meyer
4. Love Afloat: Four inspiring novellas
5. Eclipse by Stephanie Meyer

1/7th of the way to my goal.

Just rambling

2009-02-20T10:02:00.002-06:00

Such a Friday this is...

I am behind on work again and to be honest, I shouldn't be. It isn't nutso. It is just regular steady yet for some reason I can't focus. This has been going on all week. Part of my focusing issue is related to Facebook. The angst of why don't they want to be my "friends" blah blah going back to elementary school. The other part of why Facebook has me upset is the number of people that have recently gotten divorced. The people were married before me or around the time that we were married. These are couples that seemed happily married as recently as 6 months ago yet are labeled as single. I don't know why this has upset the apple cart so to speak for it is disturbing to me right now.

Service Announcement If your not Annie Skip

2009-02-19T18:06:00.003-06:00

Hi! Annie from Finding Onderland...

I haven't been able to comment on your blog recently. Starting with the post from Jan 29th. Not sure if you changed something but it isn't working and I can't find your email address on your site or in my email files. I know I used to have it.

Anyhow... in case you are reading I wanted to get the message out to you.

Back to the regular programming........

Lentil Sausage Soup

2009-02-16T16:07:00.000-06:00

I posted a yummy lentil soup recipe over here.